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  • Idolatrous Brit threatened with arrest

    As every True Christian™ knows, the English are, how shall we say, quite mad; but it not entirely their fault, what with their miserable weather, terrible dental work, and having to suffer a watered-down version of Cathaholism (Church of England, of which Queen Elizabeth II is Pope). Both Mary Worshippers and Monarch Grovellers have a fondness for graven images, and the English express their idolatry by way of garden gnome ... and God help you if you come between a Pom and his small demonic friend.

    Police have taken a dim view of a man's glowing garden gnome and threatened him with arrest unless he removes it.

    The solar-powered policeman figure stands sentinel in the garden of Gordon MacKillop's home in Treovis, near Liskeard.

    His neighbour, former policeman John McLean, says the gnome is annoying and upsets buyers viewing his home.

    Now police have served Mr MacKillop with a notice for "placing a garden gnome with intent to cause harassment".

    Mr MacKillop, 46, was woken in the night by two officers who warned him that the gnome was offensive to his neighbours.

    The notice, under the Protection From Harassment Act 1997, also accuses Mr MacKillop of intimidating potential buyers of Mr McLean's £209,000 cottage.

    Mr McLean has told officers that the garden gnome, which comes complete with police dog and solar light, was in an "annoying position". [...]
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  • #2
    A damned sinner once declared "history repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce." Naturally, all words uttered by the unsaved must be taken with a hefty pinch of salt... but when one reads of glowing gnomes being used as a substitute for golden calves, the word 'farce' does tend to spring to mind. Still, let's home that the outcome of this story is slightly less bloody than that of the previous outbreak of idol-worship:
    Exodus 32:25 And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies. )

    26 Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the LORD's side? let him come unto me. And all the sons of Levi gathered themselves together unto him.
    27 And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. 28 And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men.

    If there was an outbreak of nude mass murder in Treovis as a result of this solar-powered policegnome, the results would not be pretty.
    O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.

    God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.