Delinquent Tithers

[James Hutchins]

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I've been talking with my friends over at Mastercard/Visa Merchant services and I might be able to get them to up their process service fee 1%. The customers will not ever notice it but that 1% adds up. Of course it will be on the customer end and not the merchant. God knows how hard it is for a business to stay above ground in this Obama economy. If this works out, the funds will go into the Pastors discretionary fund and not the general fund.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'.

Fine testimony, Brother Hutchins. Use of ChristPay™ has the potential to bring every member tithe up to date and the opportunity to add to the funds needed for Pastor Zeke's new Airbus.

We're just now at a turning point across the entire globe. The opportunity is there to convert all the Hindu, Islam and other fake faiths to Jesus. We need LBC funded to the max and Pastor Zeke on that Airbus preaching around the world.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'. Then those green bar printouts, showing all income from all sources (Yes, even that dime grandma gave you when you were five) on one side and on the other, how much you gave to Jesus and how much you joo'd him out of.
Could you imagine being denied access to Heaven all over a dime? No one will ever fault you for over tithing. Spending money on your family is a temporary thing, spending it on God is for all of eternity. Stay the course, keep focused on the Brass Ring of Eternal Bliss©.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I regret my own failings in the paucity of my recent contributions. I fear that my congregation's funds have been frozen due to certain uncalled for actions by the Internal Revenue Service, the Treasury Department and the FBI. As a result, Church employees, like myself, have not been paid in some weeks. We have prayed over the situation and the answer has been that we are right, they are all wrong and we have been called to open a new bank account for tithes that the godless government doesn't know about. I hope to rectify my past due account in short order. God Bless!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Pastor, Do you still have that aging calendar girl - Miss June or something - working in the office. She's misspelled Brother Horace and Sister Mabel's name. Again. Please tell her for next time that 'Cunningham' has 3 'n's, not 2.

[Pastor Ezekiel]