No Fidget Toys in Freehold

[Johny Joe Hold]

One of the joys of being your Mayor is the exchanging ideas with all of you. Our wonderful City belongs to all of us and each citizen's contribution is important.

Several people have brought to my attention the popular "Fidget Toys." Both adults and children are using these across the country to work off nervous energy.

I refuse to involve our Freehold City Government's powers in the private lives of citizens unless it involves important issues. When an matter comes up that pushes our morals over the cliff then I must act.

Therefore, I am banning Figet Toys from Freehold. I have learned designers are making versions of these items that look like parts of the human body which are not be revealed in public. Fidgeting with these body parts is prohibited by the Bible.

To all citizens, have a wonder spring season in beautiful Freehold.

Johny Joe Hold
Mayor

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Sweet Johny Joe,

Oh, my! I DO have a conundrum or dilemma or problem or whatever you want to call it!

You see, some time ago, I purchased one of the Fidget toys and then got a whole box of them to pass out to children at my pie shoppes. I'm afraid many were distributed in Freehold, while most were in New York and Los Angeles. I believe a few remain in the closet in Freehold (actually, I'm SURE there are some in the closet in Freehold).

Whatever shall I do? You know I will ALWAYS comply with your wishes, Mr. Mayor. Perhaps you could stop by and help me deal with them? I so loved your suit during last Sunday's worship services. Mauve and green is such an unusual combination in menswear.

Please come to my aid when you have a chance, Mayor Johny. You know my pie is waiting for you - always!

Prayers and Well-wishes,
NRL

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

As always Mayor, your leadership is appreciated.

I believe that the Mary worshiping cult papists were the first to start this "Fidget Toys" phenomenon by selling their beads, and I would suggest that you alert the Freehold Police Department to put a tail on Father Mo anytime he is spotted. Some Chinaman named Ben Wa has also known to sell some similar products, possibly over the internet.

As the saying goes, the idle mind is the devil's workshop.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Sweet Johny Joe,

Oh, my! I DO have a conundrum or dilemma or problem or whatever you want to call it!

I so loved your suit during last Sunday's worship services. Mauve and green is such an unusual combination in menswear.

Please come to my aid when you have a chance, Mayor Johny. You know my pie is waiting for you - always!

Prayers and Well-wishes,
NRL

A few kind note, thank you so much Sister Naomi.

Not to worry about the fidget toys you provided your pie customers. I'm sure they will be turned in at City Hall soon.

Certainly, I will take you up on a piece of your pride-of-Freehold pies. They are the envy of the corn belt.

[Levi Jones]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Anyone caught with one of these at the church or the school will have them seized and brought immediately to my office.
If the door is closed, just leave them on my secretary's desk.



Don't worry about the whirling sound. It's just an electrical short.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

I have heard these toys are popular with autistics and spastics. Many schools are banning them on the grounds that they distract children from learning, which to me is a point in their favor, since secular schools are nothing more than homo-marxist indoctrination centers (Homo Marx, the lost Marx Brother? LOL). But it is a different story in Freehold, and anything that might serve as a distraction from the Truth should of course be forbidden.

[Nobar King]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

I'm already carrying keys. If I need to play with something I'll play with that.

The rest of this stuff is just a waste of time.

[Nobar King]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

http://www.focustimes.org/denver-phy...entre-gravity/

Denver physicist warns public that fidget spinners could affect Earth's centre of gravityIn a research paper published in a leading scientific journal, Professor Scott Lee of Denver, Colorado has outlined his findings that suggest the exponential growth of fidget spinners could theoretically throw the earth’s centre of gravity out of alignment.

“While an individual fidget spinner is not going to cause any issues, the concern here is that with these toys becoming increasing popular, their combined use threatens to create a cascade effect that could have wide implications.”

this could have serious consequences!

[handmaiden]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Heard on the news that one of these items was inside of a fella who had to be rushed to the hospital.

[Nobar King]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Praise Jesus, the fidget spinners fad is finally over! It was only a matter of time before people realized how terrible these things are.

http://fortune.com/2017/06/13/the-fi...you-missed-it/

It is amazing to think that this fad peaked one day before the ban on fidget toys. There is no way for Mayor Hold to have known the date of the peak for this fad. Nothing else can explain the downturn except the ban.

Congratulations Mayor! You really have your finger on the pulse of what's going on, these days.

Praise!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

http://www.focustimes.org/denver-phy...entre-gravity/this could have serious consequences!

Let me guess - it's going to cause global warming and sea level rise.

[AsksDumbQuestions]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Why people are so dumb to waste money on a fidget spinnies that helps them feel calm but its not really effective. What I think its dumb and those people have weird satisfaction craving.

Now people are copying it and made it a meme and started searching weird things in a browser that has fidget spinner on it.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Well, I'm glad they are on the decline. My deceased husband always said, "idle hands are the devil's playground" and would give me a sharp rap on the knuckles if I wasn't doing something productive, like reading my Bible, baking a pie, or sewing. After all, the woman in Proverbs 31:13 worked ceaselessly and willingly.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

Well, I'm glad they are on the decline. My deceased husband always said, "idle hands are the devil's playground" and would give me a sharp rap on the knuckles if I wasn't doing something productive, like reading my Bible, baking a pie, or sewing. After all, the woman in Proverbs 31:13 worked ceaselessly and willingly.

Mrs. Johnson, we can always rely on you to get to the truth of the matter. Women have more productive things to do like cooking and cleaning. Children should be studying the Bible and playing wholesome games. Fidget toys are simply a tool of Satan to distract us from the important Christian work we were put on earth to accomplish.

Some of the good residents of Freehold walk through the homer bars in Des Moines and take pictures of prominent people. Others take pictures of women coming to the Planned Parenthood abortion clinic. These pictures are sent to their parents and employers. Busy are the residents of Freehold.

[James Hutchins]

Re: No Fidget Toys in Freehold

First we get 'innocent fidgets' and the next theing you know young, firm buttocked pubescent boys, on the verge of manhood will be running about masturbating their penises and spraying precious Man-seed(r). Is this really what America wants. Can you imagine? The very idea keeps me up at night.