What does the Bible say about Pete Buttigieg's plan for rural America?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

I need some help reviewing Pete Buttigieg's plan for rural America.

I'm not much of a farmer - I've grown some impressive mold at the back of the fridge whenever the kitchen maid gets deported, that's it.

That said, I'm still confident enough to say that Pete "Boot-Edge Edge" and his plan for rural America are not what the Bible calls for.

For a start, he seems to think we're a bunch of nerds, willing to read through such a long document with so many details.

Secondly, despite the Bible being filled with agricultural and rural content, in particular Christ's pithy parables, I'm not seeing them used. I'm not sure I even see parallels.

A few bits that stuck out, even to my non-farming eyes:

Support agriculture and significantly invest in R&D as a powerful solution to climate change, including through soil carbon sequestration

Putting climate-changing gasses into the ground? So every time we feel a fart coming on, we're supposed to sit on a chipmunk hole, line it up with out butthole, and send the fart back to hell?

Support satellite hubs for colleges

So now students have to blast off into orbit just to get an education?

Pete will launch an ambitious and holistic Internet for All initiative to ensure all communities have affordable access...

How are we supposed to get farmwork done if everybody is busy committing onanism to internet porn? Granted, it might exercise grip strength, helping with weeding, and I guess it might bring some income from exports of bestiality porn, but the cost of monsters caused by bestiality-pregnancy will cancel that out.

Upgrade our most essential public safety network—our 911 system

We already have our own 911 system - it's called "having a stockpile of 900 bullets and 11 guns". By the way, our most essential public safety network is our prayer warriors, not anything material.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: What does the Bible say about Pete Buttigieg's plan for rural America?

I need some help reviewing Pete Buttigieg's plan for rural America.

A few bits that stuck out, even to my non-farming eyes:

Support satellite hubs for colleges

In English, I think this means putting branches of existing colleges in rural areas.

My guess is "Buddha my judge" does not know how much sin there is in rural America. Crime is up there. Rural churches are closing. Young people want to get out of there before Satan takes over their lives.

[VictoryOS]

Re: What does the Bible say about Pete Buttigieg's plan for rural America?

Liberals are interested in space exploration because it is outside the reaches of conservative laws against pedophilia. This was a thinly veiled reference to the plan within the gay agenda to send our children into space where they can have their way with them. Also space is symbolic of the anus and so it becomes clear why the liberals have taken such interest.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: What does the Bible say about Pete Buttigieg's plan for rural America?

Support agriculture and significantly invest in R&D as a powerful solution to climate change, including through soil carbon sequestration

Putting climate-changing gasses into the ground? So every time we feel a fart coming on, we're supposed to sit on a chipmunk hole, line it up with out butthole, and send the fart back to hell?

Brother Jeb, there's another word for that: fracking. It's good for the economy and good for America. It's about the only point in his agenda that is even slightly moral.

Support satellite hubs for colleges

The only "hub" they'll be supporting for college students is PornHub. They have a special segregated section called "Pornhub Gay" (or so I'm told) and clearly the plan is to integrate this into the main site to turn 100% of college students bisexual (instead of roughly 80% or so).

Upgrade our most essential public safety network—our 911 system

We already have our own 911 system - it's called "having a stockpile of 900 bullets and 11 guns". By the way, our most essential public safety network is our prayer warriors, not anything material.

Buttjig's plan is to take all of our guns away and give them to liberal law enforcement officers, who will then be able to launch large-scale attacks on Christian communities. He's clearly taking a page out of Janet Reno's playbook, and if he wins the election, we can expect a thousand more Wacos.