Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

[Johny Joe Hold]

Notice to Freehold Residents

The Spring return of song birds to our City has caused a problem which requires immediate measures. This is the removal of all bird houses in the City. Please cooperate with City crews as they remove these bird houses from your property.

The explanation for this measure is as follows: One of the Pastors at our premier religious institution, Landover Baptist, called me yesterday to complain about song bird noise near his deck. The Pastor needed quiet in order to prepare his upcoming sermon and dictate his voluminous correspondence.

The Pastor believes that the song bird nuscense is caused by the artificial environment created by people with their bird houses. Pastor explained that God created these birds to live out doors and that there is no theological basis for bird houses.

Thus, I have issued the above policy notice.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

There are bird houses in Freehold?! Whatever next? I can only ascribe this practise to the overly-sentimental and spiritually weak:

M't:8:20: And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

M't:13:31: Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field:
M't:13:32: Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof.

There are 248 Mustard trees within a 5 mile radius of Freehold - enough, I should think, for every bird in the area and then some.

[Nobar King]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

I don't understand why birds need houses. I thought they live in nests.

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

I think these bird houses actually are criticisms of God. These addled people putting them up feel they can do a better job than God does in providing lodging for the birds.

What effrontery!!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

Well all I know is they leave their filthy droppings all over my estate. Each Sunday when I drive my Custom Escalade the 700 yards from my front door to the church, I end up with bird poop on it. And that stuff has acid in it because it just eats holes right through the custom paint job. That's why I called Mayor Hold the other day to take some action on this issue.

I think it's that lunatic Mrs. Johnson who started the trend. I've been told that she has over 20 birdhouses in her yard! The woman seems to think that animals are equal to humans!

[James Dewitt]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

I think it's that lunatic Mrs. Johnson who started the trend. I've been told that she has over 20 birdhouses in her yard! The woman seems to think that animals are equal to humans!

I will visit Cranky and set up a raid on the old woman's yard meeting with Mrs Johnson .Right after I return from visiting Brother Hutchins this week end.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

I think it's that lunatic Mrs. Johnson who started the trend. I've been told that she has over 20 birdhouses in her yard! The woman seems to think that animals are equal to humans!

Yes those birds are very annoying. I ordered some equipment from Free Market Fred which will allow me to fix this.

[Bird Houses]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

I had the same problem though. I end up parking few yards away just to get rid of bird poop. You can't just remove them from the place because these are living things though so I just adjust to the situation. Lolz.

SPAM REMOVED

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

I had the same problem though. I end up parking few yards away just to get rid of bird poop. You can't just remove them from the place because these are living things though so I just adjust to the situation. Lolz.

SPAM REMOVED

Hmm, seems "Bird Houses" has been removed.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

There are bird houses in Freehold?! Whatever next? I can only ascribe this practise to the overly-sentimental and spiritually weak:

M't:8:20: And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

So a nest made by a bird in a bird house goes aginst this how?

M't:13:31: Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field:
M't:13:32: Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof.

a mustard "tree"?


Now this is a tree..

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

If God says it is a tree, then it is a tree.

[VampireSlayer]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

Ooooh! Can I help with the removal?

*Grabs the garden flamethrower and begins filling it with petrol*

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

*Grabs the garden flamethrower and begins filling it with petrol*

Be careful not to hurt yourself.

[VampireSlayer]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

Be careful not to hurt yourself.

Will do.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Notice: Bird Houses to be Removed

Our diligence has slipped. It seems a little late in the year for burning bird houses. Had it been around the April – July time, complete, errant bird families could have been eradicated wholesale. My great fear is that, of those that have nested in such places, the chicks will hatch with bird houses imprinted on their brains and see them as future suitable nesting sites; those feathered purveyors of disease will then attempt to enter and nest in real houses.