FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

I am proud to say the Godly influence I had on the Freehold Police Department while I was a cop there has lasted.

I received word from a friend high-up in the department that the FPD will be enforcing the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance this summer on all pools within city limits.

For those who don't know, the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance prohibits Freehold swimming pools from hiring or otherwise employing "any official to protect, rescue, or resuscitate any patron of any aquatic recreation facility within city limits."

The intention of the ordinance is to recognize God as our one, true protector and keeper. If an 11 year old dives in the no diving area and smashes his head against the concrete floor and floats around unconscious under the water, it is God's will.

Before any of you get upset, yes, we do have Biblical justification for this law:

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. - Psalm 18:2

Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. - Matthew 10:29

Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. - Psalms 57:1

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.- Proverbs 3:5

[Felicity]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

I am so glad Jesus guards us at the swimming pool!

My father says those 27 children that drowned last month in the Freehold swimming pool just didn't love Jesus enough.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

It's high time this law went into effect. Even in a God Fearing, REAL American community we have MOOCHERS looking for socialist handouts! About time child started learning how to swim FOR THEMSELVES and stop being lazy and float unconscious at the bottom of the pool!!!

If means a few never do wells end up dead because they can't be bothered to breath for themselves, so BE IT! America is about FREEDOM and that means the FREEDOM to drown!

PS George Washington never had a life guard.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

It's high time this law went into effect. Even in a God Fearing, REAL American community we have MOOCHERS looking for socialist handouts! About time child started learning how to swim FOR THEMSELVES and stop being lazy and float unconscious at the bottom of the pool!!!

If means a few never do wells end up dead because they can't be bothered to breath for themselves, so BE IT! America is about FREEDOM and that means the FREEDOM to drown!

PS George Washington never had a life guard.

Bobby-Joe---I'm so delighted to be a part of this No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus enforcement by the Freehold Police Department.

I must confess that one of the reasons the program has been delayed was my own indecision.

I could not get out of my head the political problems that might arise if, for example, a Mother rented the Freehold Swimming Pool for a child's birthday party and everyone watched the life guard being taken away in handcuffs.

What I should have done is to simply follow the scriptures. That's what we do in Freehold. God Bless us all.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

[Didymus Much]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

...What I should have done is to simply follow the scriptures. That's what we do in Freehold. God Bless us all...

I expect you'll also be removing and outlawing:

- all seatbelts, air bags, and turn signals from cars, trucks, and other vehicles
- all helmets, gloves, visors, or other "safety" related items from construction sites, fire crews, police officers, etc.
- all safeties from firearms
- all chain brakes from chainsaws
- all guardrails and railings from rooftops and stairwells
- all speed limits
- all user's manuals and training courses for power tools and high voltage equipment
- all childproof caps from toxic chemicals, prescription medicines, etc., etc.

Please let me know when you're "following the Scriptures" fully.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

I expect you'll also be removing and outlawing:

- all seatbelts, air bags, and turn signals from cars, trucks, and other vehicles
- all helmets, gloves, visors, or other "safety" related items from construction sites, fire crews, police officers, etc.
- all safeties from firearms
- all chain brakes from chainsaws
- all guardrails and railings from rooftops and stairwells
- all speed limits
- all user's manuals and training courses for power tools and high voltage equipment
- all childproof caps from toxic chemicals, prescription medicines, etc., etc.

Please let me know when you're "following the Scriptures" fully.

Much--It's obvious you do not know much about Christian governing.

To deal with scripture in local government, we must have (a.) a scriptural reference and (b.) someone committing a sin that we can observe and pass judgement on.

The No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus program was developed with these matters taken into consideration. We have the scripture and someone committing a sin (the lifeguard).

While I enjoy hearing from citizens, and respect your views, I hope you can understand this is something for professionals to handle.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Part of this initiative's purpose is to eliminate the potential for temptation.

Not only do life guards strut and posture, glistening in the sunlight on a pedestal for all to see like a golden calf, they also make it their profession to place their mouths on the mouths of people whom they aren't married to, and blow deep, erotic breaths into their lungs.

Jesus never did CPR, and I don't think we should either.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Part of this initiative's purpose is to eliminate the potential for temptation.

Not only do life guards strut and posture, glistening in the sunlight on a pedestal for all to see like a golden calf, they also make it their profession to place their mouths on the mouths of people whom they aren't married to, and blow deep, erotic breaths into their lungs.

Jesus never did CPR, and I don't think we should either.

Here! Here!

This is Freehold, not Southern California. We don't need our children faking drowning just to get some oiled up muscle men in speedos to suck face on them in public! Lifeguards are just socialism for the gay lifestyle, nothing more.

[dicker]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

So if your own child was drowning, you wouldn't save him/her?


I guess it's their own fault being lazy huh, being unconscious n'all at the bottom of the pool.

How's the lifeguard commiting a sin?

He saves lives, what do you want him to wear? a suit and tie?

In fact, you should change legislation in your town so you either have separate swimming pools for men and women or the women have to wear full clothing when they swim.

In fact, they shouldn't really have time to go swimming, I'm sure there's housework that wont do itself at home.

[el hierro]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.

This is a serious site. It's not here for people to practice their stand-up comedy routines.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.

Why don't you go for a walk on some water, and then when you get back from doing that, you can start throwing aspersions on Jesus' ability to get across large bodies of water safely. Those who drown in glass swimming pools shouldn't throw water.

[el hierro]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

yes good point.

[James Hutchins]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.

Idiot.
Jesus can walk on water/. You really need to read the Bible instead of rolling blunts with the pages.

[el hierro]

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance

Does rolling blunts mean beating up poofs with a newspaper?