Dead Juggalo Found in River

[Pastor Ezekiel]

To all the Brothers in the Habukkuk project; The chickens have come home to roost. Five will get you ten that Paul was the walrus. That is all.

Dead Juggalo Found in Ohio River
Twenty-four year-old discovered in western Kentucky had attended the Gathering of the Juggalos

The body of an Insane Clown Posse fan was found in the Ohio River in western Kentucky on Sunday. Jess Waters, 24, was identified by Kentucky State Police after his corpse was recovered in the Sturgeon Island area. Waters died wearing an arm band indicating that he had been at the Gathering of the Juggalos festival in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois over the weekend.

As of yet, the circumstances of Waters death is unknown. Union County, KY, coroner Stephen Shouse told the Associated Press that he does not suspect foul play. "There was no trauma," Shouse said. "We are pending toxicology and history if we find out who he is."

Kentucky State Police are investigating the case, as well as another missing person investigation involving the Gathering of the Juggalos. "We have a lead we're working on a missing individual, but have nothing back yet," says Shouse.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

There was no trauma, they said. That means no trauma to the rectum either. Therefore we can safely assume that he was not murdered by atheists, which rules out foul play completely. It sounds like he got drunk and fell in the river to me.

[Nobar King]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

They only found one?

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

Roger that. Sub-project: Good Start was successful.

[Deaner]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

I didn't do it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

I didn't do it.

Of course you didn't. You were with me and the Young Men's Prayer Circle the whole time.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

Congratulations to whoever didn't do it in particular.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

I was in my prayer closet. I have a web cam there to prove it.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Dead Juggalo Found in River

I am quite relieved that there is no evidence of foul play.

Some of Bobby-Joe’s Boys and I went down and staked out the road north from the so-called Festival. We set up the decoy Mobile Chapel about 5 mile north of Cave-in-Rock at the junction of the road leading east to Saline Landing, which is about 2 mile up river from Sturgeon Island.

The Juggalos were pretty easy to spot – poor creatures bereft of The Lord’s Bounty - and as they came in for free food and drink, we invited them round the back, bundled them into the rear of the semi and drove them off to Saline Landing where I conducted the usual Baptism unto the Lord by Coercive Rendition.

(I must emphasize that In accordance with long-standing instructions, they had a safety rope tied round their legs and arms before being fully submersed.)

Looking back at the record, I see I counted 29 in but only 28 out. At the time, I put this down to one abomination who was loud and long in his rebellion against the Blessing that was to be his. Now, I saw him as a prize. I knew if we could get him Baptized, we could baptize anyone and save their souls from Eternal Damnation. The whole episode of their being underwater was no more than 4 minutes long.

Well, being distracted, I didn’t pay too much attention to the person who was with him, and I recall that I was a little puzzled as to why I had 2 ropes and only one Saved Sinner. (I would have asked the poor soul but he seemed to be having difficulty breathing; obviously his emotions were running high at his new-found faith and he was speechless.)

Anyway, as I say, this missing body has nothing at all to do with the body found downstream.