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  • Naomi Ruth Lamb
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2013
    • 999

    #1

    HELP WANTED

    HELP WANTED: Experience is preferred!

    1. Leith, North Dakota: Need male to manage a franchise of Naomi's Moist Pie. New start-up experience highly desired. Oversee the financial, human resources, and other aspects of the business that women can't understand for a 1400 sq ft storefront bakery on a desirable street. Baptist Church is only three blocks away. Strong customer service focus required, impeccable character, Christian only, prefer white. While recipes will be provided, the manager must ensure the quality of each pie sold. Works only 5 days each week - No Saturdays or Sundays, no evenings. Contact the owner's father, Mr. Lamb, by sending a private message to Miss Naomi Ruth Lamb via this forum.

    2. Michigan: A site has not yet been named, but a second position for manager will be available once the property deal is closed. Same requirements as above, but will also require a keen eye to watch out for Mooselimbs. Apply by sending a message to Sister Basilissa via this forum.

    Both of these positions will offer benefits, including prayer time, Bible study, discounts on merchandise, and vacation, health insurance, life insurance, tuition reimbursement, etc. Very attractive wage commensurate with experience.

    NOTE: We will also be hiring females for kitchen positions and wait staff. Prefer virgins, but will consider married females, all with husband's or father's permission. Time off for your special time of the month. Competitive wages.
    Naomi’s Moist Pie: Won’t you try my pie today?


    Naomi’s Moist Pie is an equal opportunity employer, open to all. Our business is founded upon God’s Word and all employees will be expected to maintain the highest of Christian Biblical standards. While only males will be accepted for management positions, talented women will be welcomed for wait staff and cooks and Manager Helpmeets (our term for assistant managers). Sorry, no autistics or retardeds. Nigras will be required to submit to thorough background checks. Veterans always given preference.
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78552

    #2
    Re: HELP WANTED

    Does your pie shop franchise carry Dicken's Cider? Because that would really bring in the ladies.

    I've never met one who didn't love a good Dicken's Cider.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • Naomi Ruth Lamb
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Nov 2013
      • 999

      #3
      Re: HELP WANTED

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      Does your pie shop franchise carry Dicken's Cider? Because that would really bring in the ladies.

      I've never met one who didn't love a good Dicken's Cider.
      It will, indeed, carry that product, Pastor. I would love it if you could come bless the store before it opens. Mayor Hold will probably be there. Unfortunately, Mother of Seven can't make it. It has something to do with her incontinence after carrying seven heavy children, I'm told.

      Sister Daisy is being asked to perform a song Mistress Cookie will give a dramatic reading.
      1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
      Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
      Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
      Locations in 50 States and Canada
      !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
      Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
      Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

      Comment

      • Mother Of Seven
        True Christian™ with a quiverful
        • Jan 2014
        • 2243

        #4
        Re: HELP WANTED

        No incontinence here.
        The reason I am unable to attend is that I'm pregnant. Sorry to refuse your invitation which you so kindly forgot to send.


        Edit: I get it, you're upset about your wrinkles and cooter.

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10049

          #5
          Re: HELP WANTED

          When will you be open? I can't wait to have your girls serve me some moist pies. I plan to go from one store to the next and compare them.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • Attila's Wife
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Jul 2013
            • 1941

            #6
            Re: HELP WANTED

            Sister Naomi Ruth, there's a nice young man from Kazakhstan looking for work over in the US. He's a couple of years younger than you, and his command of the American language is a little shaky, but it might be worth giving him a trial run.

            I dare say your lawyers could sort out the immigration issue - if not, perhaps he could enter as your affianced? He's in no position to be too fussy.

            I wish you all the best with your pies, dear.

            YiC
            AW
            2 Timothy 3:16

            All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


            Comment

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