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Why are Wiccans so fat and ugly? A study.

By Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson

fat wiccan

This brief article will be trying to discover the reason why Wiccans are so incredibly unattractive and fat.

The question.

Are they fat and ugly, so they decide to become witches to get the attention they seek?

Maybe it is that reading Gerald Gardner makes these women crave Twinkies and Bon Bons?

Or could it be something more sinister is at hand?

At first glance it would seem to be patently obvious that these women are attention starved, so they turn to a fake religion made up in the 1950’s by Gerald Gardner, in which they are the dominant prophets and teachers. It seems such a simple explanation. It’s wish fulfillment. They get to pretend like they have magical powers and that they are beautiful creatures of a goddess, when in fact nothing further could be from the truth. They are summoning Satan’s demons. I don’t care if you Wickers don’t believe in Satan, because he believes in you!

Maybe they all started out as beautiful women and reading Gardner makes them more ravenous than a dozen teenage boys high on the marihuana? At first glance this statement makes no sense. How could reading some fake magic book deform these women so horribly?

Through countless hours of labor at the Landover Scientifical Studies, we have come up with an answer that might just shock you. The results are astounding!

The Findings of the research.

Back in 2006 Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. ran into this pair of young aspiring Wiccans.

Even then, you could see the wrinkles and fat folds beginning to rapidly take hold of these decent looking (for whore tramps) women.

Using advanced facial recognition technology, we have found them today.

The one on the left. A mere few years later, the results have been horrible to behold.

For the one on the right, time has even been nearly as unkind.

Do you think this is just a coincidence? Let us assure you it is not!

This picture was taken of a Wiccan girl who called herself Forest Godess in 2001.

Notice she is already growing the fat arms and ample gut she is trying to hide with her clothes and pose.

But look at her in 2013 in a psychology magazine!

The same principle works with men. See this fellow back in 2008.

He had obviously already been practicing Wicca for five years.

Look at his poor demon ravaged body today.


Our scienticians have come to the amazing conclusion that in fact Wicca makes these people fat and unattractive. We have found that it’s the hole that Jesus leaves in the soul that the practitioner of evil arts is trying to fill with peanut butter, ice cream and Christian babies.

The constant summoning of demons and handling evil familiars ages these women quickly as well. The image of the witch as an evil old looking crone is based on reality.

arachnid (28-10-2015 11:20 PM): I agree with you on that. When I dated her she cheated on me with another guy. Then did the same to the other guy. Then so on and so on. She's now a slut and works in a strip club ...
Des (28-10-2015 11:21 PM): I actually have a friend that is wiccan. She is actually pretty cute and she isn't fat she is really sexy though. Some people in the world are and others aren't. If you find her cute, then you have ...
arachnid (28-10-2015 11:25 PM): What would make someone do such an evil thing? Ill Pray for myself to be cleansed of any lust of her. ...
Des (28-10-2015 11:40 PM): What would make someone do such an evil thing? Why, to steal your semen and share it with her pasty-skinned beached whale lezbean coven, of course. This is part of the wiccan/lezbean sacrificial baby ...
arachnid (28-10-2015 11:52 PM): thank you brother ...
Alvin Moss (29-10-2015 01:48 AM): Satan promotes all sin. Gluttony is one of his favorites because it isn't even illegal and he can advertise successfully on television. Krispy Kreme, Baskin Robbins, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken... ...
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