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Easter Island: A Godly Holiday Destination or a Den of Depravity?

By Elmer G. White, Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology

I am a traveling man but sometimes I’d really like to combine my evangelizing work with some rest & recreation. Due to this, I’ve been searching for suitable, Bible-believing holiday venues where you could relax in a fundamentalist atmosphere without the atheist, scientist or sodomistic menaces. Many locations on Earth are very promising as their names have direct references to the wonderful earthly existence of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Of these, the most significant must be Easter Island. Easter is all about Jesus: the horrendous death, Pontius Pilate, Judas, the voice of the rooster, the cross, the transitional phase of death followed by the promise of Resurrection. My holiday plans were thus set: I’d go to Easter Island, which is located somewhere in the Pacifist Ocean not too far from the coastline of Chili. Unfortunately, Satan had got there first and corrupted the place in an unprecedented scale.

1. The geography

For once, the map of this island looked innocent enough!

Now, the untrained eye may fail to see the hidden images in this aerial photograph but my Creation Science Cryptography Team immediately spotted some suspicious ares, marked with arrows in the next image:

…and when we follow this line of reasoning we see how the shape of the inland consist of two intertwined detached tallywhackers in excruciating detail. Ladies, please, avert your eyes!

This was very bad news!

Deuteronomy 23:1
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

2. The Demographics

Who are the people inhabiting this suspicious aggregation of skerries, then? I had to ask this question.

Unfortunately, they are papists.

Dependency Status: A special territory of the country of Chile, annexed in 1888
Religion: Roman Catholic (95%), others

This is bad but I was not yet desperate. Obviously, the holiday plans were off but this island could still be a fecund location for some heavy evangelizing? Papists are tough and do not choose Jesus easily, but the more Jesus would appreciate me if I succeeded in guiding them onto His lap.

Philippians 3:14
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

3. The History

Now things were starting to heat up. As it turned out, the Easter Island Nation was an obscure offshoot of the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11:1-9) with a strange but repulsive culture. This culture concentrated on the building of large stone sculptures called “moai”. At first glance, these statues seemed to be a case of simple idolatry (Leviticus 26:1), nothing special if we consider the papist population of the Island.

In addition, the islanders have carved smaller “moai”, hybrid monsters with waterfowl beaks and male bodies. Again, I thought, this could be a case of simple idolatry easily cured by some selected verses:

Leviticus 26:30
And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you.

Unfortunately, things were about to turn ugly. These statues and figurines are, in fact, papist tools to spread their Gospel of Catamite Sodomy and Confusion. Exhibit 1: “A bird-man” (NOT for ladies, seriously!).

The genitals are depicted in amazing detail, the craftsmanship is outstanding, the message is revolting!

1 Timothy 1:10
For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;

The larger “moai” are no better. After spending some more weeks in intensive research I discovered images that show these gigantic stone men with hats. But not any kind of hats. Exhibit 2: The headgear of Easter Island (still NOT for Ladies, seriously!):

These are not just simple hats. They are drag queen headgear, as we can clearly see when we compare these abominable images to an even more horrendous picture of the depraved Western communities of she-males (the warning NOT TO LOOK for Ladies is, in fact, intended for all the material below!):

See, the hat of this she-male is exactly of the same shape and color. Point proven.

Deuteronomy 22:5
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

4. The Indigenous Writing System

With some further study our team discovered that not only are Easter Islanders papists, they also have a secret code language called Rongorongo writing.

Rongorongo “was probably used as a memory aid or for decorative purposes, not for recording the Rapanui language of the islanders.”
While it remains unclear exactly what the Rongorongo is intended to convey, the discovery and inspection of the tablets remain an important key to understanding the past civilizations of Easter Island. The intricately inscribed, neatly lined images indicate that the ancient island civilization had a message to convey, whether it was a casual display for decorative purposes, or to pass messages and stories forward from generation to generation.

Of course, atheist scientists have failed to decipher this writing system. Now THIS was a challenge. Our Creation Science Linguistics Department assisted by Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire and Sister Basilissa delved into the matter and after an intensive and exhausting period of quite a few days we managed to decipher and translate this strange language that looks like this:

The secret of high-quality Linguistics is to take all texts in the same way that the Bible is supposed to be read: do not try to interpret or twist the meanings. Instead, you should simply let the text, the words, your prayers and your initial feelings guide you. As we followed these guidelines, the sordid messages slowly emerged. I am proud to show you here the first stage of the decipherment process with the meaning of many glyphs unraveled:

At this point we had to exclude the female members of the Research Team and proceed among men. The final, accurate translation of this rhyparography is as follows:

  • (1st line) I am sodomizing. I have a fish for sodomy. My tallywhacker is like the fish. I am sodomizing until my tallywhacker is limp.
  • (2nd line) I am limp and exhausted [apparently after all the sodomy, transl. note]. The fetus will be my partner in sodomy. I shall eat fish and then we’ll sodomize each other. My tallywhacker is mighty.
  • (3rd line) Our union will produce retarded monsters of many kinds. An octopus and a toothed cooter. One of them is an elephant. I also have two cooters, a loose one and a tight one. My tallywhacker feels like barbed wire. I have one breast and two breasts.

We now have the answers:

  • What is the Rongorongo intended to convey? Sodomy and bestiality.
  • What is the “civilization” of Easter Island like? One of sodomy and bestiality.
  • What are the stories they tell to the next generation? About sodomy and bestiality.

Matthew 18:6-7
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

This proves without any doubt that the islanders derive from the Vatican, as these sodomistic images clearly represent the default papist stand on catamites.

5. The conclusions

Easter Island is a papist colony. Apparently, also the first inhabitants were actually not an offshoot of the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11:1-9) but papist immigrants so vile and abhorrent that even the Vatican could not tolerate them. They were illiterate but as sodomy played a vital part in their culture, they started to preserve their fantasies in the form of degenerate writing.

In contrast, Jesus Loves Children, wants to Save them from His wrath and eventually Repent as adults, have a Baptism (Acts 2:38) and enter Heaven (Revelation 7:17). Unfortunately, on the Fallen Earth, failure is very common (Matthew 7:14).


Nobar King (03-03-2016 09:27 AM): You went to this place? It sounds terrible. ...
Elmer G. White (04-03-2016 08:29 AM): You went to this place? It sounds terrible. Brother Nobar, I spent a few hours at the Island's Airport before catching the first flight off that desolate but abhorrent place. In addition to the vile ...
Johny Joe Hold (05-03-2016 04:21 AM): It quite clear from the academic article I have linked below that Easter Island became depopulated because the entire place became homer. This should serve as a caution about what could become of our ...
WilliamJenningsBryan (06-03-2016 01:42 AM): The rendering of the Easter Island female sodomite is indeed frightening - remarkably similar to today's lezbeans. It is enough to drive any remaining straight Easter Island males to become gay. More ...
Redeemed Papist (11-03-2016 04:26 PM): Rapa Nui. Rap. Jigs. See the connection? Every single one of them is a head-worshipping pagan at heart. ...
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