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Saudis, again way ahead of the times, air a TV show on how to properly beat one’s wife.

The Saudis are acknowledging a problem they have with domestic abuse. We all think we are experts on when to hit our wives, but are we really?

Khaled Al-Saqaby says we are not.

He tells us that so many men do not know how to deal with disobedience or constant mistakes. He then quotes the Koran when it says, “If you fear disobedience from someone, advise them.” I think that means to go ahead and smack her in the eye?

black eyes

Not yet!

Al-Saqaby means to talk to her. He says to remind her of your rights and her duties under God. Maybe since we’re Christians we should read Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1-6

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord (master): whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

If she is still being uppity? It’s time to get my belt, right?

Not so fast, you drunken Irishman.

beating

The next step is making her sleep on the couch. Now you must withdraw you manly essence from her until she obeys you. The reason for this is that women are sinful and lustful creatures. They must have sexual relations all the time.

But beware of the pitfall many husbands make which may make things even worse.

Do not leave your house or allow her to leave. If you leave and stay with friends, then everyone will know there’s a problem. The point is you’re disciplining your wife. You are not supposed to air your dirty laundry letting others know there is a problem. So do not allow her to call her mother, 911 or leave.

Now, Al-Saqaby thinks it’s a much worse punishment to deny your wife sex, but make her sleep in the same room as you. Either with your back to her or for you or her to sleep on the floor. I am guessing that is so she cannot do filthy things to herself to relieve the strain of your punishment.

But why stop there? Go to the bathroom with her too. Many filthy women will touch themselves in the bathroom to relieve their sinful lusts. This is what you are trying to prevent here with this punishment.

If she continues to burn your steak?

gloves

Hang on just one more second. Let’s make sure we’re doing this humanely.

You have to remember you are beating your wife to discipline her. Not to vent your anger against her.

But what to use? No large sticks. Nothing the size of a cane. We aren’t Chinamen in Singapore. We are not here to cane our wives. That’s just cruel, according to Al-Saqaby

He also says not to use anything sharp. If you were wondering why he has to tell anyone that, he quickly says that some men sadly use sharp objects to hit their wives. And that’s not okay.

None of that. He recommends nothing larger than a sewak. As you can see it still fits in the hand, but you can’t hit her with it too much or it will break. Remember never to hit her with anything sharp.

miswak-upclose

If that isn’t available a handkerchief. But Al-Saqaby, can I wet the ends of the handkerchief before beating her? He doesn’t say.

He goes on to say that much of this is the wife bringing it on herself.

The recommended and socially acceptable reasons for beating one’s wife

1. Striking her husband. I think this one goes without saying. We have the right to defend ourselves.

2. Arguing with her husband. Al-Saqaby explains that, “Sadly, many women want to be equal. This is a grave problem.” And it is grounds for discipline.

3. Making constant mistakes. Overcooking steaks, messing up on laundry, forgetting chores. Those are also acceptable reasons for this humane whipping.

4. Some women will actually say things like, “I dare you to! If you are such the tough man, beat me.” This is also a good and acceptable reason to beat her.

(Check your local laws first before doing any of this. Otherwise you may find yourself shirtless in the back of a cop car outside of Saudi Arabia.)


Replies:
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (15-05-2016 12:43 PM): I wonder what an American version of this show would be like. Would it involve Martha Stewart? ...
HomosexualChristian (31-08-2016 01:30 AM): Wow. Just when I thought this joke of a forum couldn't get any more illegal or sick. This is a disgrace to our already doomed race. You psychotic freaks make me sick. ...
Basilissa (31-08-2016 01:46 AM): Wow. Just when I thought this joke of a forum couldn't get any more illegal or sick. This is a disgrace to our already doomed race. You psychotic freaks make me sick. Following the Holy Bible makes you ...
Alvin Moss (31-08-2016 02:43 AM): This is a disgrace to our already doomed race. We are not homos, fellow. We make babies, a lot of them. You have no need to fear doom for humanity. Rather, you should fear the wrath of God. Jesus is ...
Pastor Isaac Peters (01-09-2016 12:33 AM): Wow. Just when I thought this joke of a forum couldn't get any more illegal or sick. This is a disgrace to our already doomed race. You psychotic freaks make me sick.If you're such a Christian (yeah, right), ...
handmaiden (01-09-2016 01:20 AM): Wow. Just when I thought this joke of a forum couldn't get any more illegal or sick. This is a disgrace to our already doomed race. You psychotic freaks make me sick. We're not sick. We're saved! :innocent: Heathfully ...
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