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A Bird Feeder is Socialism

Every Spring it is my unpleasant duty to ask the good citizens of Freehold to take down their beloved bird feeders. I know you enjoy seeing the birds fly around these devices eating the seeds you have put there for them. But, please think of the message you are sending.

We at Landover Baptist join Jesus in opposition to welfare. When children see you giving birds something for nothing, they get the idea someone else is supposed to feed them the rest of their lives. This is how socialism establishes a political foothold in countries.

On top of that, I receive complaints from our pastors about the noise birds make. When our pastors are on their decks preparing sermons or writing their best selling books, they do not like to be bothered by the constant chatter of these nuisance animals. 

Please cooperate with this city-wide effort to eliminate these freeloading pests.


Replies:
Joanna Lytton-Vasey (13-04-2019 09:08 PM): Brother Mr Mayor, Sir, obviously bird-feeders are just dumb. But could the general bird problem be solved by a more relaxed attitude to cats? We all know that cats are the Devil's spawn and that women ...
BrotherLarry (14-04-2019 10:05 PM): Sister Joanna, How much longer will your husband make you suffer the perils of Great Britain? Is it possible he can finish his work there by hiring someone to cook and clean for him, allowing you to ...
James Hutchins (15-04-2019 02:01 PM): We have bird feeders a the Hutchins Farm, LLC. We use it to attrack all sorts of brightly colored birds. Cardinals, Blue Jays, Northern Red Bishops, Prothonotary warblers and Gouldian finches. This way ...
Red Army (15-04-2019 03:20 PM): Yes, they are. When I was young, we have planned the invasion of America. While a direct invasion was out of the table, because of the treason by Gorbachov and the vietnamese being such pussies that they ...
BrotherLarry (15-04-2019 03:39 PM): When I was young, we have planned the invasion of America. Hint: Beto O'Rourke is involved. Mr. Army: You commie pigs are all the same. Have you not figured out by now that America is God's favorite ...
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (22-04-2019 02:40 PM): I think we could use bird feeders as a teaching tool. A parable. The attempt to feed birds is like the welfare state. There's a lot of work by people who don't know what they're doing. The assembly instructions ...
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