God's News Ticker

Freehold Offers Asylum to Straight Swedish Women

Attention All Straight Swedish Women:

– Did you know that all your good looking Swedish men spend more time looking at themselves in a mirror than looking at you? Yes, they are all gay now.

– Are you disturbed that all those “toxic masculinity” wolf whistles you get on the street now are coming from lezbean bull dykes?

– Are you fed up with the high taxes of your socialist country that go to pay for a useless Monarch named “Gustaf”, and support welfare for violence prone mooselimbs that refuse to go to work making Volvo’s?

– Are you sick and tired of hearing the mooselimb call to prayer five times a day?

– Are you fed up with the rising crime rates, sexual assault, and rape in your cities – mostly from members of the “religion of peace”?

– Are you disgusted with your soy boy politicians that refuse to resist Nazi Angela Merkel’s calls for “diversity”?

Let’s face it, Sweden is fast becoming a shithole country like the rest of Europe and the EU and it’s time to get out now before it gets much worse. Freehold, Iowa and the Landover Baptist Church is offering Asylum to all straight Swedish women.

– Thankfully Sweden kicked out the cathylicks, joined the Protestant reformation – and you’re one step closer to becoming a True Christian™ and assuring yourself a place in Heaven.

– Freehold is mooselimb free, has low taxes, offers free firearms training, and Trump has promised that America will never be a socialist country.

– Freehold has a large population of virile single and straight manly men that are looking for wives to produce Soldiers for Christ.

– It’s been said that blonds have more fun, and there is plenty of fun right here in Freehold – with its many minstrel shows, festive book burnings, Bible (KJV1611) festivals, and Bible re-enactment pageants.

– Bring all your favorite Swedish meatball recipes, they will be a hit with all our Church potlucks and will be a welcome addition to the soy free diets of our Christian citizens.

There is no time like the present to sign up now, introduce yourself and post your picture – you’re one step away from being granted asylum and moving to a new life in Freehold.

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Elmer G. White (05-08-2019 08:42 AM): Brother Bryan, This is such a wonderful initiative and a generous offer to the hopeless Scandinavian women. But... are we too late? Are there any heterosexual Swedish women left? Are we already too close ...
Phil Ander (05-08-2019 10:11 AM): Brother William A wonderful Freehold initiative. Should any of these Swedish Asylum seekers feel a little bit homesick after arrival, I am happy to welcome them to my 16 person sauna (the biggest in Wisconsin!). ...
Johny Joe Hold (05-08-2019 01:55 PM): They used to say about New York City, "You can't be too rich or too thin." I often say something similar about our Godly City of Freehold, "We can't have too many blond people." Of course, this is only ...
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