For half a century, liberals have tried to launch countless movements, pet causes, and reforms. All of them have flopped, fizzled out, or been stalemated. Except one.
One idea was so powerful that it could unite all the freakish tribes of the liberal coalition. One idea held such power over the liberal mind that it defeated the leaden weight of inertia, the fierce fires of backlash, the seductive call of distraction.
What was that idea?
The idea that sex is a fundamental, universal human right. A universal right no matter how freakish your birth made you. No matter how weird your lisp, no matter how limp your wrist, no matter how unusual and intense your fascinations are, you have a right to sex, and everyone from rioters to international megacorporations are going to parade together so that everybody knows it.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all sexual urges are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are oral, anal and between the boobies.
|Above: lots and lots of people saying that sex is a universal human right, even for people into cosplay
But the problem with standing up for your rights is that lesser people tend to follow your example. Like when Thomas Jefferson talked about freedom, and then had to explain to his slaves that “freedom” doesn’t mean, you know, freedom.
Because gay people are not the only people who have trouble finding love. There are also people who are born ugly, short, skinny, or worst of all, white. Some people are born only to find the part of the brain labelled “social skills” has been misplaced, and in its place is an extra brain labelled “learn everything you can about trains and maybe streetcars”.
Some guys are born with the kind of brain that can neither play sports nor play guitar at a level of skill sufficient to get the stamp of approval from the eugenics department that we for some reason call “dating”.
Naturally, these people see half of the population parading and rioting and obsessing over the idea that weird people have a right to sex, and they say “gee, if everyone says weirdos have a right to sex, does that mean that weirdos have a right to sex?”
Liberals react viciously to this, in that way that all hypocrites do when exposed. Like the liberty-loving slaveowners of old, they say “of course “all men…” doesn’t mean YOU! Of course “universal human…” doesn’t mean YOU!”
And now liberals are on the same side as us. We have always been telling gays that they are not entitled to sex, that they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and improve themselves by turning themselves straight. And you, dear liberals, are saying to nerds what we have always been saying to gays.
Hint for liberals wondering what to do next: learn from our ex-gay camps and start making ex-nerd camps. Learn from Mike Pence, who liked to electro-shock the gay away – elecrocute nerds every time they try to invent something. Sorry nerds, if it’s not a one-second guitar riff or a new endzone dance, women don’t want you to invent it.
Above: the Federal Department of Eugenics: protecting the gene pool from nerds since 1967.
Mary Etheldreda (23-08-2019 04:57 PM): Their lack of respect makes me so mad. I'm afraid it is in our nature and this is why we need Christ more than anything else in our lives. Augustine makes a compelling case about the differences of the ...
MitzaLizalor (24-08-2019 12:06 AM): The Bible explains that Adam's sin and the woman's sin were different. Genesis chapter 3 9- The LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? 10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, ...
Kyrre Eliasen (05-10-2019 01:52 PM): Jesus would probably kiss their feet and it makes me sick.YES. I am a lesser men. ...
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (17-10-2019 01:13 AM): Jesus would probably kiss their feet On one hand, Jesus broke bread with prostitutes and bartenders, neither of whom are known for their virginity. On the other hand, he gave loaves and fishes to the ...
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (02-12-2019 06:58 PM): I think we should make our citizen's attractiveness a national priority. We need a Marshall Plan/Manhattan Project for hotness. ...First we need to do stuff like stop confusing pajamas with black-tie wear... And ...
MitzaLizalor (03-12-2019 08:39 AM): Some lively fabrics right there suggesting a good starting point: ironing. There's something called "interlock" which is often used for T-shirts, usually cotton, something that doesn't need ironing, a ...
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