God's News Ticker

Why we never speak ill of the dead: David Koch has ascended to heaven.

David Koch, oil billionaire, majority shareholder of the Republican Party, and friend of Jeffery Epstein, has died.

Liberals are dancing on David Koch’s grave, even while his body is still warm (though I admit he’s going to take a long time to cool in this unpredictably hot weather we’re having)! Even Jewish liberals are dancing, and they can barely dance at all.

While some of the Koch brothers funding went to weird libertarian causes that we don’t support, we don’t speak ill of the dead. Never have and never will. Liberals, on the other hand….Well, here’s some snippets of their anti-billionaire hate speech:

  • There’s a lot of things I didn’t like about David Koch, but I respect him immensely for finally being dead.
  • David Koch had a dream, which was to make things easier for himself and a few friends while also making things significantly worse for everyone else on the planet. He is gone, but now that work falls to all of us. Today, whenever you get the chance, harm someone vulnerable.
  • First Epstein dies, then David Koch. This is the first time I’ve been super psyched for the rule of threesIn lieu of flowers, the family of David Koch requests that mourners simply purchase a Republican politician.
  • I’m sure the fellows whining about how disrespectful some folks are being about David Koch this morning are going to be classy as piffle the day George Soros kicks itPer his wishes, David Koch will be dissolved in a vat of chemicals and poured into a poor city’s drinking water
  • Still off Twitter till 9/8 but just checking in to say that at morning prayers at the monastery where I’m staying on a writers’ residency, one of my favorite nuns stopped to whisper to me “David Koch died.” She was … not frowning.Honestly not surprised the entire Amazon forest was David Koch’s last horcrux
  • The social convention of “Don’t speak ill of the dead” came from Chilon of Sparta in 600 BC. Don’t let people who’ve been dead for millennia tell you what to do. 
  • On an unrelated note: f*** David Koch. David Koch is dead, so remember to send your thoughts and prayers
  • Thoughts: hell yeah
  • Prayers: ✨hell yeeeeeeahhhh ✨
  • yes david koch did spend his immense ill-gotten wealth by funding initiatives to plunge our world into a climate change crisis we’ll never recover from but it’s important to remember some of the good things he did, such as dyingIt’s really sad that David Koch is dead….oh! Sorry, I meant to say: it’s really sad that ONLY David Koch is dead
  • I like to think that David Koch waited for the glaciers to melt and the Amazon to burn before he passed. It’s the way he would’ve wanted it.Whether or not you agreed with David Koch’s ideology, there is no denying that F*** him and it rules that he died.
  • STYLE GUIDE: Calling David Koch is philanthropist is like calling Nero a violin player.

Replies:
handmaiden (23-08-2019 06:53 PM): Thank you, Brother Jeb for sharing this with us. Eh! Those liberals think that they are so clever. When Jesus returns and sends then to their fiery fates they won't be laughing. ...
Dennis Lukes (23-08-2019 09:15 PM): The flags at the Blood of Christ Motel are flying at half-mast today, and will continue to do so for all of next week. Still waiting for President Trump to declare a national month of mourning like he ...
Trent Harvey, Jr. (23-08-2019 09:59 PM): I'm outraged! It's been almost a day now, and Koch Exposed! still hasn't gone black as sign of respect. They should permanently. I'm so sick of this internet hate that I'm going to go full walton cesspond ...
Dr. Anthony J. Toole (24-08-2019 04:24 PM): I know his heart was in the right place, but Mr. Koch did occasionally say some strange things. Maybe he was joking or maybe his comments dated really quickly. Like, in 4 years. You won't catch one of ...
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (24-08-2019 08:17 PM): I know his heart was in the right place, but Mr. Koch did occasionally say some strange things. That's libertarians for you. I mean, one hand they want our daughters to become bible-burning lesbian crack ...
Show all 5 replies.