God's News Ticker

Coronavirus is no reason to cancel Sunday services

By Pastor Ezekiel

Are you trying to Jew Jesus, people?!

There have been false rumors spreading about some people contracting the virus from me and Donnie, and that we should get self-isolated and tested for the disease.

Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? (Matthew 8:26).

Jesus would never allow some sort of disease enter me or Donnie! We are both in perfect health.

I have also heared some rumors that some members of our church have been thinking about not coming to the church this Sunday out of fear of contracting the virus.

Seriously, people? You say you believe in Jesus but you don’t believe He will protect you?
Quote:

Psalm 91:2 I will say of the LORD, [He is] my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Even snake handlers have more faith than you people!

Anyone who does not show up to church this Sunday can say goodbye to Landover Baptist forever!

And when you are there, don’t you even THINK about weaseling out of shaking hands and embracing your Pastors and other members of the congregation.

And DO NOT use hand sanitizer, it makes your hands all yucky and sticky.

And remember this: if anyone shows signs of the sickness afterwards, it is ALL YOUR FAULT, SINNER!

Disease is a sign of God, sent by Him to those who displease Him. God sees you and judges you!

Quote:

Deuteronomy 28:58-61
58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, The Lord Thy God;
59 Then the Lord will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.
60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.
61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the Lord bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

So don’t displease God, keep coming and keep the tithes coming, too! The jet isn’t going to pay for itself, is it?!


Replies:
James Hutchins (16-06-2020 05:28 PM): im 16 going to collage in a special needs school and i am a cardiac patient plus i have to catch up on 2 years worth of English so dont get pissy at me just cuz i spell a few things diffrent I am sure ...
Dana723 (17-06-2020 01:22 AM): ***ATTENTION: IF BAD GRAMMAR HURTS YOUR EYES, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING THE FOLLOWING POST. YIC, YOUR FRIENDLY MODERATOR*** Thank you for that warning! I shall ignore Miss Swifty's posts! đŸ˜€ ...
WWJDnow (25-06-2020 05:51 AM): ...so dont get pissy...Please be so kind as to watch your language. There are ladies in this forum, and they have delicate sensibilities. Cussing is simply not acceptable. ...
MitzaLizalor (25-06-2020 01:52 PM): i sorta belive in god but i dont like it when pepole say that other pepole are turning jesus in to a jew hes the king of the jews … i respect evryone no mater their sexuality their race or their ...
Johny Joe Hold (25-06-2020 06:34 PM): Has this country gone nuts, or what?? All over the U.S. churches, needed to worship Jesus, have restrictions on whether they can open, how many people can attend and where people are to sit. But homerism ...
Prayer Warrior (25-06-2020 08:10 PM): Has this country gone nuts, or what?? All over the U.S. churches, needed to worship Jesus, have restrictions on whether they can open, how many people can attend and where people are to sit. But homerism ...
Show all 55 replies.