He’ll be back — this Christmas, when Roper Crossburn returns to terminate the boredom of music fans everywhere. Judgment day is coming for an industry addled by wokeness, whose creative juices have long since run dry.

This Machine Kills… arrives December 25, and not a moment too soon. America needs this one.

While the Guthriesque title was censored for wide release, Crossburn has come to prefer its open-ended form.

“My music obliterates sin on contact,” he says. “And this record is aimed at all sinners: perverts, heathens, liars, and above all, groomers.”

His crusade against pedophilia has never flagged, but recent events have lent it new urgency. With haunted eyes, Crossburn describes one such incident, which occurred during an evening news special on drag queens.

“They got this little boy all tarted up like a female twice his age. Before I knew it, I felt an infernal swelling that only a knife could relieve. Twenty stitches it took to fix what the Devil had done.”

Crossburn’s knack for biting satire is evident from the opener, Pronouns: F***/Joe/Biden, which parallels the president’s spiraling dementia with the gender confusion of a fuchsia-haired teen. Lines such as “Boy or girl, up or down? / How’d we all become such clowns?” seem destined to reverberate through arenas.

Other songs, like When Will God Send Willie Nelson to Hell?, are almost naïve in their frankness. “One of the worst devils alive, he is,” says Crossburn of his fellow crooner. “Narcotics kill a hundred men a day, and still he pushes that accursed weed like it’s manna from Heaven.”

And then there is So Long Steve, a touching tribute to a fan who passed away suddenly at a country festival in Nevada.

“I’ll never forget the gleam in your eye
On the night you told me your plan.
How the fire of God rained down from on high,
And the sinners, like rodents, they ran.”

Though its lyrics are shrouded in mystery, the emotion behind them is plain to hear. Few artists blend sincerity and wit as elegantly as the Voice of Freehold.

Collaborations have dotted Crossburn’s career over the years, and his new album features several. Appearing throughout is 14-year-old guitar prodigy Rosa Sanchez, whom Crossburn discovered while volunteering at an ICE detention center. The mournful mastery of her playing drew him to her cell.

“Turned out, she had clung to her daddy’s guitar to stay afloat while he and her ma drowned in the Rio.”

After a spirited baptism in which Sanchez renounced her Catholic past, the two got busy laying down tracks.

“The Lord’s plan is a funny thing,” Roper muses. “Just as these old fingers are wearing out, along comes Rosa. Lovely smile, plays like an angel, and no speaké Americano, which means no lip.

“Got nearly the same name as my wife, too.”

Rosie Crossburn went missing in 2018. Last year, a truffle-hunting dog unearthed her remains near the family ranch, and the Freehold County Sheriff’s Office ruled her death a suicide by self-burial. The loss changed Roper forever, both personally and professionally.

“Imagine you had a 140-pound tumor on your back that you never knew was there until a surgeon excised it.”

The great ones know to save the best for last. On the closer, Ashes of Truth, a hip-hop artist joins Crossburn for the first time, and his name is a major one: Ye, formerly Kanye West. After Ye’s comments on Jewish media influence sparked an uproar, Crossburn was quick to offer him a spot on the album.

“Ebony, ivory / Stand against Jewry,” Ye raps over a chopped and screwed sample of the Schindler’s List theme. This is real diversity, and a landmark in music history.

Yes, we know what you’re wondering.

Did Ye give Roper permission?

“Yeah, he said I could say it. And you best believe I did.” The childlike glee on his face is unmistakable.

To hear Roper Crossburn say the word — and many more besides — you’ll have to buy This Machine Kills… as soon as it hits stores.

We guarantee you won’t regret doing so.

Replies:
BrotherLarry (19-10-2023 01:53 PM): Mr Crossburn If you have ever visited the poet section of this forum, you have run across my classic songs and other forms of verse. Frankly, I am puzzled that you haven't had your people contact ...
Johny Joe Hold (19-10-2023 02:30 PM): I would definitely consider myself an outlaw. Do I break the law? No. But I also don't give a damn what society thinks of me or my music. I'm concerned for your soul, Roper. Your outlaw persona is so ...
Isabella White (19-10-2023 03:55 PM): I'm concerned for your soul, Roper. Your outlaw persona is so attractive to women. Harlots flock to outlaw performances, wait for the performer afterwards and then the sin begins. I pray you do not yield ...
MitzaLizalor (20-10-2023 01:54 PM): 32349Revelation 20:1-3 And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand. And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, ...
BrotherLarry (23-10-2023 03:57 AM): I note that Roper has failed to respond to me here and that's no surprise. I am not starstruck by him like so many are. When I record my new album and it outsells his, just remember Crossburn, you coulda ...
MitzaLizalor (23-10-2023 06:57 AM): Nauseating though it has been, today there was some material from the first millennium needing review concerning icons. Apparently they channel energies having tangible effect in the real world, such as ...
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