Hula Hoops: Fun Toys or Fiendish Contraptions?
My routine sin inspection at my daughter's house uncovered something particularly sinister this week--a hula hoop artfully hidden in the garage beneath some cross-linked polyethylene tubing. Apparently my daughter and her hellbound husband secretly gave the despicable toy to my ten-year-old granddaughter as a birthday present earlier this week.
"What's the big deal if she has a hula hoop? They're harmless and fun," my whore of a daughter said dismissively. "We might as well break her hymen right now," I screamed, pinning my granddaughter down. The cries and protests of my daugther and granddaughter moved me, and I restrained myself by simply beating them. Friends, hula hoops essentially train children how to fornicate. http://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...3/22480387.jpg The above picture infuriates me. The little girl is swivelling her hips and becoming excited and uncontrollable. She is overcome with lust. More than likely she will grow up to be a harlot, all because of a "harmless" and "fun" toy. Here are some more youngsters on the fast track to being pimped by garishly-dressed Negroes. http://mabryonline.org/blogs/pe/IMG_1268-1.jpg I am old enough to remember the hula hoop craze. One couldn't step outside without seeing throngs of children and adults gyrating and shimmying. I still have nightmares. It was like being trapped inside of a porno film. Surely it was only by the grace of God that the rampant hula hoop orgy subsided. My brothers and sisters in Christ, help me to preserve the integrity of young girls' cooters everywhere. If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did. The future of our great nation depends on it. Praise Jesus. |
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So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.
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Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice. |
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I was just worried you might be a communist. |
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I apologise again H, I was just trying to be nice and look out for you.
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That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist. It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator. It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English. It's just baffling concepts. YIC V |
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I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet. |
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Yeah that was an error... I don't actually recall making that error...
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Lay off the pot, son. Doing so will improve your memory and your spelling.
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Amen Brother Hatchet! Once again you are on the forefront of bringing these abdominal abominations to our attention.
I have been repeatedly shocked at the late night fare on television and cable lately as the channels have given themselves over to a barrage of infomercials that hawk no end of scantily clad persons on devices that specialize in pelvic thrusting movements. Attachment 3649 Oh sure, they bill themselves as "healthy" and "exercise", but we all know that all that excess thrusting is not necessary for procreation and bringing forth additional soldiers for Christ. "Ab Lounger" is nothing more than a euphemism for wanton fornication. |
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Poor Brother Hatchet. That whore daughter of yours causes you so much heartache and trouble.
Are you sure she and her husband haven't sinned bad enough to be stoned to death over? I feel for your plight Brother. Let us know if you need any help with the stoning. L:heart:ve, Sister Thumper |
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Is it any wonder that the sodomizing, pedophilic, and otherwise thoroughly depraved ancient Greeks had hula hoops?
http://www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/images/HulaHoop.jpg Friends, if hula hoops are not a sexual device, then why is this man naked? I rest my case. He also appears to be holding some kind of half-man, half-caterpillar creature in his left hand. A demon, no doubt. |
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http://www.backtobasicstoys.com/images/7367.jpghttp://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...7/22187730.jpg
Pictures say it all, don't they? |
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I discovered evidence of where exactly the hula hoop is leading the innocent young girl to.
Here. Be aware the image is not suitable for minors and True Christian women. :ph34r: |
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Here are a couple of strange toys:
http://hobbyhorsetoys.files.wordpres...-selection.JPG http://daddytypes.com/archive/purple_cp_hobby_horse.JPG |
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Anything that encourages young women to swirl and gyrate their hips must be evil. Seems like a gateway to sexual perversions to me.
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Hula hoops are sexy. Ever see a hot woman in leotards with ten hula hoops spinning around her tight body? And then she swallows fire? It creates an explosion in my pants. Old Man Hatchet, you need to learn how to live. Maybe you'll find there's life in those old bones yet, particularly the one between your legs.
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As long as you experience someting as "creates an explosion in my pants" don't tell Old Brother Hatchet that he has to learn about live etc... :angry: You toddler are not even half the man he is. :thumbdown: |
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The Rings of Saturn? Nay; THE RINGS OF SATAN!!!!! :repent:
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So you were going to finger-piffle a child? |
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I couldn't help but laugh. I'm sorry, but comparing sex to a hula hoop is just foolish. Yeah, they are swinging around their hips, so what? How is that anything like sex? It is a simple toy. My grandma did the whole hula hoop phase, and she is the biggest prude I know. Your personal (and somewhat silly) belief that it is equal to fornication is clearly wrong, seeing how an entire generation was into it, and back then it was harmless fun. Today it is old and outdated, rarely used. But it is still seen as simple fun.
You are another example of a close minded Christian. |
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Hello.
I don't know. I remember when the hoola hoop came out. We knew the women who did it on the front lawns. "Hoopers". All of the good time gals were hoopers, as I recall back. People say, "you can't be that old," and I say "I am and I need to use your bathroom." "Chopper" Nye |
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This is no laughing matter. |
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I choose not to completely take in your side of the story, mostly because you chose a biased view of it. However I understand what you are saying. But it is truly hard to believe you, because almost everyone on this site is a close minded stereotypical Christian who chooses to enforce their religion unto others in complete disregard of others' beliefs. And by your biased view of history, it is obvious that you are one of them. Quote:
I laugh at pretty much anything society doesn't(and some things society does). The nation is in tears because of a school shooting... I laugh A bunch of college students are found dead... I laugh 9/11... I laugh Have a nice day. |
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Wake up son, we have no way of enforcing our beliefs on anyone. Don't just "believe" me, go look up your own history. |
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Morality is pretty much a weakness. I wouldn't care if someone put a bullet in my head, I'd be dead! LOL "LIEbral." Nothing to comment about it, I just found it funny. You certainly are an end product of a close minded Christian generation, taught to hate anything different from you and anyone who dare question your beliefs. |
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The only closed minded people here are the Tunnel-Visioned Atheist Trolls, who instead of taking a drink from the Fountain of knowledge merely Gargled. |
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Come back if Jesus lets you live to see 18. |
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