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-   -   Hula Hoops: Fun Toys or Fiendish Contraptions? (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=8811)

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 09:45 PM

Hula Hoops: Fun Toys or Fiendish Contraptions?
 
My routine sin inspection at my daughter's house uncovered something particularly sinister this week--a hula hoop artfully hidden in the garage beneath some cross-linked polyethylene tubing. Apparently my daughter and her hellbound husband secretly gave the despicable toy to my ten-year-old granddaughter as a birthday present earlier this week.

"What's the big deal if she has a hula hoop? They're harmless and fun," my whore of a daughter said dismissively.

"We might as well break her hymen right now," I screamed, pinning my granddaughter down. The cries and protests of my daugther and granddaughter moved me, and I restrained myself by simply beating them.

Friends, hula hoops essentially train children how to fornicate.

http://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...3/22480387.jpg

The above picture infuriates me. The little girl is swivelling her hips and becoming excited and uncontrollable. She is overcome with lust. More than likely she will grow up to be a harlot, all because of a "harmless" and "fun" toy. Here are some more youngsters on the fast track to being pimped by garishly-dressed Negroes.

http://mabryonline.org/blogs/pe/IMG_1268-1.jpg

I am old enough to remember the hula hoop craze. One couldn't step outside without seeing throngs of children and adults gyrating and shimmying. I still have nightmares. It was like being trapped inside of a porno film. Surely it was only by the grace of God that the rampant hula hoop orgy subsided.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, help me to preserve the integrity of young girls' cooters everywhere. If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did. The future of our great nation depends on it. Praise Jesus.

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 10:55 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 11:05 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148867)
So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.

I wrote, "If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did." You are an imbecile for concluding that I "turned a circular piece of tubing in to [sic] a linear piece of tubing." I will elaborate so that your tiny brain is no longer confused about the matter. I cut the hoop into pieces one half of an inch in length. I then proceeded to cut those pieces further, until the hoop was utterly destroyed.

Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice.

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 11:15 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 148873)
I wrote, "If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did." You are an imbecile for concluding that I "turned a circular piece of tubing in to [sic] a linear piece of tubing." I will elaborate so that your tiny brain is no longer confused about the matter. I cut the hoop into pieces one half of an inch in length. I then proceeded to cut those pieces further, until the hoop was utterly destroyed.

Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice.

I'm sorry Old Man H :(.

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 11:19 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148881)
I'm sorry Old Man H :(.

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Your effrontery and disrespectfulness have just earned you a heap of infraction points.

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 11:22 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
I apologise again H, I was just trying to be nice and look out for you.

Brother V 02-21-2008 11:25 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148881)
I'm sorry Old Man H :(.

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Old Man Hatchet a communist; HA!

That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist.
It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator.
It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English.

It's just baffling concepts.

YIC
V

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 11:26 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148903)
I apologise again H, I was just trying to be nice and look out for you.

You WILL start referring to me as Mr. Hatchet! You are trying my patience and derailing my thread, boy!

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 11:33 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother V (Post 148908)
Old Man Hatchet a communist; HA!

That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist.
It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator.
It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English.

It's just baffling concepts.

YIC
V

Yes I do see my concerns were quit unnecessary now. But looking at his picture and reading his story (without the useful information of how many snips he gave to the hula hoop) I feared he might be getting a touch senile and start believing in collective living or something.


I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 12:13 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148919)
I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.

I am going to assume that you misspelled my name accidentally. If it happens again, there will be dire consequences. Try me.

Nobar King 02-22-2008 12:15 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148919)
I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.

Are you a masochist?

Unfalsifiable 02-22-2008 12:42 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Yeah that was an error... I don't actually recall making that error...

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 12:56 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Lay off the pot, son. Doing so will improve your memory and your spelling.

Unfalsifiable 02-22-2008 01:06 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 148955)
Lay off the pot, son. Doing so will improve your memory and your spelling.

Yes, sir. I will, sir. And I promise not to post in this thread again.

WilliamJenningsBryan 02-22-2008 01:34 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
1 Attachment(s)
Amen Brother Hatchet! Once again you are on the forefront of bringing these abdominal abominations to our attention.

I have been repeatedly shocked at the late night fare on television and cable lately as the channels have given themselves over to a barrage of infomercials that hawk no end of scantily clad persons on devices that specialize in pelvic thrusting movements.

Attachment 3649

Oh sure, they bill themselves as "healthy" and "exercise", but we all know that all that excess thrusting is not necessary for procreation and bringing forth additional soldiers for Christ. "Ab Lounger" is nothing more than a euphemism for wanton fornication.

Daisy Mae Johnson 02-22-2008 02:10 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Poor Brother Hatchet. That whore daughter of yours causes you so much heartache and trouble.

Are you sure she and her husband haven't sinned bad enough to be stoned to death over?

I feel for your plight Brother. Let us know if you need any help with the stoning.

L:heart:ve, Sister Thumper

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 09:36 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Is it any wonder that the sodomizing, pedophilic, and otherwise thoroughly depraved ancient Greeks had hula hoops?

http://www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/images/HulaHoop.jpg

Friends, if hula hoops are not a sexual device, then why is this man naked? I rest my case. He also appears to be holding some kind of half-man, half-caterpillar creature in his left hand. A demon, no doubt.

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 09:43 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde (Post 148998)
Poor Brother Hatchet. That whore daughter of yours causes you so much heartache and trouble.

Are you sure she and her husband haven't sinned bad enough to be stoned to death over?

I feel for your plight Brother. Let us know if you need any help with the stoning.

L:heart:ve, Sister Thumper

I am a patient, loving, and forgiving man. I am giving my shameless hussy of a daughter one more chance.

eliot mayfield 02-22-2008 09:50 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
http://www.backtobasicstoys.com/images/7367.jpghttp://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...7/22187730.jpg


Pictures say it all, don't they?

Juliette 02-22-2008 04:07 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
I discovered evidence of where exactly the hula hoop is leading the innocent young girl to.

Here.

Be aware the image is not suitable for minors and True Christian women. :ph34r:

Nobar King 02-22-2008 04:21 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Here are a couple of strange toys:
http://hobbyhorsetoys.files.wordpres...-selection.JPG

http://daddytypes.com/archive/purple_cp_hobby_horse.JPG

Eugene Hackwith 02-22-2008 08:28 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Anything that encourages young women to swirl and gyrate their hips must be evil. Seems like a gateway to sexual perversions to me.

Dwayne DeKalb 02-22-2008 08:56 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Hula hoops are sexy. Ever see a hot woman in leotards with ten hula hoops spinning around her tight body? And then she swallows fire? It creates an explosion in my pants. Old Man Hatchet, you need to learn how to live. Maybe you'll find there's life in those old bones yet, particularly the one between your legs.

Juliette 02-22-2008 09:12 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb (Post 149508)
Hula hoops are sexy. Ever see a hot woman in leotards with ten hula hoops spinning around her tight body? And then she swallows fire? It creates an explosion in my pants. Old Man Hatchet, you need to learn how to live. Maybe you'll find there's life in those old bones yet, particularly the one between your legs.

Well little ladyboy.

As long as you experience someting as "creates an explosion in my pants" don't tell Old Brother Hatchet that he has to learn about live etc... :angry:

You toddler are not even half the man he is. :thumbdown:

Dwayne DeKalb 02-22-2008 09:40 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Juliette (Post 149523)
You toddler are not even half the man he is. :thumbdown:

Sounds like you know the old man very well. So how many inches are we talking about here?

SUV 02-22-2008 10:00 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
The Rings of Saturn? Nay; THE RINGS OF SATAN!!!!! :repent:

narrowpathy 02-22-2008 11:23 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 148841)
skip

"We might as well break her hymen right now," I screamed, pinning my granddaughter down. skip
Praise Jesus.

So, did you break her hymen, Mr. Hatchet?

Old Man Hatchet 02-23-2008 12:05 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by narrowpathy (Post 149598)
So, did you break her hymen, Mr. Hatchet?

Are you insinuating that I intended to have sex with my granddaughter? I was going to break her hymen manually, you sick fiend. Never sully one of my threads with your lurid suggestions again.

Old Iron Crotch 02-23-2008 12:28 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 149607)
Are you insinuating that I intended to have sex with my granddaughter? I was going to break her hymen manually, you sick fiend. Never sully one of my threads with your lurid suggestions again.


So you were going to finger-piffle a child?

Old Man Hatchet 02-23-2008 12:44 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy (Post 149612)
So you were going to finger-piffle a child?

No, I was going to make a point--that playing with a hula hoop is equivalent to fornication, and she is accordingly no longer a virgin.

VictoryOS 02-23-2008 03:48 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 149614)
No, I was going to make a point--that playing with a hula hoop is equivalent to fornication, and she is accordingly no longer a virgin.

Sounds reasonable to me. Only a bleeding heart lieberal would take offense to that.

narrowpathy 02-23-2008 08:08 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy (Post 149612)
So you were going to finger-piffle a child?

No, he wouldn§t do that, would he? That act would seriously diminish her value, meaning he would not sell her for good money to some aging, rich Republican.

Truth giving teen 02-23-2008 08:29 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
I couldn't help but laugh. I'm sorry, but comparing sex to a hula hoop is just foolish. Yeah, they are swinging around their hips, so what? How is that anything like sex? It is a simple toy. My grandma did the whole hula hoop phase, and she is the biggest prude I know. Your personal (and somewhat silly) belief that it is equal to fornication is clearly wrong, seeing how an entire generation was into it, and back then it was harmless fun. Today it is old and outdated, rarely used. But it is still seen as simple fun.
You are another example of a close minded Christian.

Pfc. James Nye 02-23-2008 08:39 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Hello.

I don't know. I remember when the hoola hoop came out. We knew the women who did it on the front lawns. "Hoopers". All of the good time gals were hoopers, as I recall back.

People say, "you can't be that old," and I say "I am and I need to use your bathroom."

"Chopper" Nye

WilliamJenningsBryan 02-23-2008 09:29 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Truth giving teen (Post 149787)
I couldn't help but laugh. I'm sorry, but comparing sex to a hula hoop is just foolish. Yeah, they are swinging around their hips, so what? How is that anything like sex? It is a simple toy. My grandma did the whole hula hoop phase, and she is the biggest prude I know. Your personal (and somewhat silly) belief that it is equal to fornication is clearly wrong, seeing how an entire generation was into it, and back then it was harmless fun. Today it is old and outdated, rarely used. But it is still seen as simple fun.
You are another example of a close minded Christian.

Son, you clearly don't know your history. The Hula Hoop was introduced in 1957. Within a few short years the first birth control pill was introduced, Satanic Rock and Roll music began to corrupt the youth of this country, Betty Friedan unleashed the Feminazis and Lesbeans, wanton sex, "free love" and fornication became the norm, the "hippies" emerged along with the radical left, drug use (and "Acid") damaged the brains and DNA of an entire generation, and Bill Clinton told his first lie when he said he did not "inhale".

This is no laughing matter.

Truth giving teen 02-23-2008 09:40 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan (Post 149804)
Son, you clearly don't know your history. The Hula Hoop was introduced in 1957. Within a few short years the first birth control pill was introduced, Satanic Rock and Roll music began to corrupt the youth of this country, Betty Friedan unleashed the Feminazis and Lesbeans, wanton sex, "free love" and fornication became the norm, the "hippies" emerged along with the radical left, drug use (and "Acid") damaged the brains and DNA of an entire generation, and Bill Clinton told his first lie when he said he did not "inhale".

This is no laughing matter.


I choose not to completely take in your side of the story, mostly because you chose a biased view of it. However I understand what you are saying. But it is truly hard to believe you, because almost everyone on this site is a close minded stereotypical Christian who chooses to enforce their religion unto others in complete disregard of others' beliefs. And by your biased view of history, it is obvious that you are one of them.

Quote:

This is no laughing matter.
Yet I still laugh.
I laugh at pretty much anything society doesn't(and some things society does).
The nation is in tears because of a school shooting... I laugh
A bunch of college students are found dead... I laugh
9/11... I laugh


Have a nice day.

WilliamJenningsBryan 02-23-2008 10:12 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Truth giving teen (Post 149807)
I choose not to completely take in your side of the story, mostly because you chose a biased view of it. However I understand what you are saying. But it is truly hard to believe you, because almost everyone on this site is a close minded stereotypical Christian who chooses to enforce their religion unto others in complete disregard of others' beliefs. And by your biased view of history, it is obvious that you are one of them.


Yet I still laugh.
I laugh at pretty much anything society doesn't(and some things society does).
The nation is in tears because of a school shooting... I laugh
A bunch of college students are found dead... I laugh
9/11... I laugh


Have a nice day.

You are certainly the end product of the LIEbral education system that began its decline during the aftermath of the hula hoop era. Your cynicism displays the lack of a moral compass engendered by decades of ethical "relativity" in our institutions. Bill Clinton is a product of that generation and rose to power as the President of the most powerful nation on earth. We witnessed the daily diary of his oral escapades and semen stained dresses with a zaftig intern. You might laugh at school shootings until one of your feral classmates, who have no respect for or hold life sacred, puts a bullet through your head.

Wake up son, we have no way of enforcing our beliefs on anyone. Don't just "believe" me, go look up your own history.

Truth giving teen 02-23-2008 10:26 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan (Post 149816)
You are certainly the end product of the LIEbral education system that began its decline during the aftermath of the hula hoop era. Your cynicism displays the lack of a moral compass engendered by decades of ethical "relativity" in our institutions. Bill Clinton is a product of that generation and rose to power as the President of the most powerful nation on earth. We witnessed the daily diary of his oral escapades and semen stained dresses with a zaftig intern. You might laugh at school shootings until one of your feral classmates, who have no respect for or hold life sacred, puts a bullet through your head.

Wake up son, we have no way of enforcing our beliefs on anyone. Don't just "believe" me, go look up your own history.

Well that was a mouthful...
Morality is pretty much a weakness. I wouldn't care if someone put a bullet in my head, I'd be dead!
LOL "LIEbral." Nothing to comment about it, I just found it funny.

You certainly are an end product of a close minded Christian generation, taught to hate anything different from you and anyone who dare question your beliefs.

Talitha 02-23-2008 10:59 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Truth giving teen (Post 149818)
Well that was a mouthful...
Morality is pretty much a weakness. I wouldn't care if someone put a bullet in my head, I'd be dead!
LOL "LIEbral." Nothing to comment about it, I just found it funny.

You certainly are an end product of a close minded Christian generation, taught to hate anything different from you and anyone who dare question your beliefs.

Son, how old are you? 10? 12? Can't be any more.

The only closed minded people here are the Tunnel-Visioned Atheist Trolls, who instead of taking a drink from the Fountain of knowledge merely Gargled.

Pastor Ezekiel 02-23-2008 11:15 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Truth giving teen (Post 149818)
Well that was a mouthful...
Morality is pretty much a weakness. I wouldn't care if someone put a bullet in my head, I'd be dead!
LOL "LIEbral." Nothing to comment about it, I just found it funny.

You certainly are an end product of a close minded Christian generation, taught to hate anything different from you and anyone who dare question your beliefs.

Tommy, we don't mind questions at all. But we don't allow 16 year old queers to post on our Godly forum. You lied your way in here, and God hates liars as much as He hates sodomites.

Come back if Jesus lets you live to see 18.


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