The Landover Baptist Church Forum

The Landover Baptist Church Forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumindex.php)
-   The introduction forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=16)
-   -   The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=40705)

Cranky Old Man 04-10-2010 06:21 PM

The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
This is an introduction to the TOP 7 ways to go to HELL and most importantly: how to avoid them!

#7 Disney television
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: Disney is the ultimate evil. Why? Because it is smartly dressed up as innocent entertainment for innocent children while in reality it is run by Satan himself! It teaches our children about sex before marriage and dressing like sluts. Or, in case of Donald Duck, even to just run around naked! Not convinced yet? Did you know Steve Jobs is on the board of directors of Disney! :fear2:

:innocent: How to avoid: To protect your children from the ultimate evil that is Disney destroy your television set. Destroy all Disney related toys (to be on the safe side just destroy all toys) and introduce your children to the only reliably form of entertainment: studying the KJV1611 Holy Bible!

More info: The truth about Disney Channel

Matthew 24:24 "For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect."

#6 Lying on the Internet
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: Internet makes it too easy to lie. No one can see you. No one really knows you. Being completely anonymous makes it very easy to lie. So a lot of people do. They assume fake names. They even use fake pictures! Idiot losers suddenly become online superheroes. But it doesn't work that way! Lying is not just a sin, God really hates liars! Almost everyone on the Internet will end up in hell! :o

:innocent: How to avoid: Destroy your computer. Smash your smart phone. Crush your pad. You should spend your time studying the KJV1611 Holy Bible instead. And for contact with other people there is Baptist Church!

Proverbs 6:16-19 "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."

#5 Iceland
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: Iceland is where sinning was invented. Iceland is actually build on top of Hell! They use the fires of Hell to heat their Igloos! Their prime minister is gay, and to make matters even worse, a woman! They have an entire museum explicitly promoting sex before marriage! It is a known fact that 99.9997% of the population of Iceland will end up in the fires of Hell! :thumbdown:

:innocent: How to avoid: Never ever go to Iceland! And if you happen to live there? I am sorry, it is too late for you. We already saved everyone who could be saved.

More info: God hates Iceland, Iceland refuses to give stolen 5 billion back

Psalm 9:17 "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God."

#4 WOMEN dressing like sluts
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: Woman dress like sluts for one reason only. To seduce men into having sex with them. And often once they succeed and realize how stupid they have been they suddenly call it rape! :fear2:

:innocent: How to avoid: Dress like a lady, not like a whore.

More info: PROOF "rape victims" are whores (CNN)

1 Timothy 2:9-10 "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array"

#3 MEN acting gay
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: God does not like gays! He does not just hate them, he wants us to kill them! :angry:

:innocent: How to avoid: Stop being gay! Prevent your children from becoming gay!

More info: Skittles candy for gays

Romans 1:26-27 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."

#2 Eating vegetables
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: God created animals for us to have total dominion over. Vegetables are never mentioned in that context. If we do not eat animals we insult God by ignoring his specific instructions! Vegetables are for gays and we have already establishing they go to Hell!

:innocent: How to avoid: Kill animals and eat them!

Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea,and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"

#1 SEX !!!
:sinner: Why do you go to hell: SEX is the ultimate sin. Satan invented female orgasms to make them seduce man into "rape". The Pope invented Viagra to improve the performance of his evil priests. Internet porn is used to seduce people into masturbation. There is almost nothing in life that does not try to seduce innocent people into sex. :wacko:

:innocent: How to avoid: Cut off your hands to avoid masturbation, poke out your eyes to prevent looking at porn and spend all your time on Bible study!

Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire".

Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched".

eliot mayfield 04-10-2010 07:19 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
And number three includes metrosexuals!:thumbdown:

Cranky Old Man 04-10-2010 09:31 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by eliot mayfield (Post 504128)
And number three includes metrosexuals!

Absolutely Brother!

Jedediah 04-10-2010 09:44 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
That's covered by I Corinthians 6:9:

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,


Your #6 in particular causes me great consternation! Demonic possession will drive the unsaved to all manner of deplorable activity...

agnostic persons 04-11-2010 02:38 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by

[B
#6 Lying on the Internet[/B]


:innocent: How to avoid: Destroy your computer. Smash your smart phone. Crush your pad. You should spend your time studying the KJV1611 Holy Bible instead. And for contact with other people there is Baptist Church!


If the internet is so full of sin then why does this site exist and why are youo on the internet?

Quote:

Originally Posted by
[B
#5 Iceland[/B]


:innocent: How to avoid: Never ever go to Iceland! And if you happen to live there? I am sorry, it is too late for you. We already saved everyone who could be saved.

I'm sorry BUT LOOK AT A MAP! Iceland is not Icy. Greenland is. IT is a stupid name for both continents but seriously. they don't have all year round snow. GREENLAND DOES!




Quote:

Originally Posted by [B
#1 SEX !!![/B]

Quote:

Originally Posted by [B


:innocent: How to avoid: Cut off your hands to avoid masturbation, poke out your eyes to prevent looking at porn and spend all your time on Bible study!

Are you for real...how come you still have your hands then? and how come you have your eyes still?

Brother Alex 04-11-2010 02:44 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by agnostic persons (Post 504459)
I'm sorry BUT LOOK AT A MAP! Iceland is not Icy. Greenland is. IT is a stupid name for both continents but seriously. they don't have all year round snow. GREENLAND DOES!

Nobody said anything about Greenland here. What the hell are you talking about?

Jeb Stuart Thurmond 04-11-2010 03:20 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by agnostic persons (Post 504459)
If the internet is so full of sin then why does this site exist and why are youo on the internet?

Because we are here to save miserable sinners, and there are none of those in Church.


Quote:

how come you still have your hands then? and how come you have your eyes still?
Because he has never been tempted:

Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire".

GodIsAlmighty 04-11-2010 03:59 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Great job! :) Perhaps I could make a thread on why masturbation is worse than rape for your #1...

Cranky Old Man 04-11-2010 11:51 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by GodIsAlmighty (Post 504478)
Perhaps I could make a thread on why masturbation is worse than rape for your #1...

That sounds like an excellent idea!

Sinfree 04-11-2010 11:58 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
This was an excellent read! I will spread the word of this list, I know far too many sinners. Perhaps I still have time to prove them wrong before they are eternally damned.

Except for that gay 'man' down the street. It's too late for that fag.

Cranky Old Man 04-11-2010 01:12 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sinfree (Post 504731)
This was an excellent read!

Thank you for your nice words!

True Disciple 04-11-2010 08:24 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
An inspirational summary, Brother. I hope the unsaved learn their lesson after reading this thread, and finally come right with Jesus, before it is too late!

Sinister 04-12-2010 03:58 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
I agree with some not with others.

Cranky Old Man 04-12-2010 07:45 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by True Disciple (Post 504963)
I hope the unsaved learn their lesson after reading this thread

Amen to that Brother!

True Disciple 04-12-2010 03:36 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sinister (Post 505009)
I agree with some not with others.

Then you will go to Hell. Disagreeing with Jesus on this issue not a very good idea.:sinner:

Princess Kumatora 04-12-2010 04:26 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Decent list, but (according to you guys) you forgot 'Playing video games' and 'Watching Anime'.

Pastor Ezekiel 04-12-2010 04:31 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Kumatora (Post 505214)
Decent list, but (according to you guys) you forgot 'Playing video games' and 'Watching Anime'.

Sorry, we don't allow 12 year old demons to post here. :banned:

Cranky Old Man 04-12-2010 04:34 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Kumatora (Post 505214)
Decent list, but (according to you guys) you forgot 'Playing video games' and 'Watching Anime'.

Most amine is shown on Disney so that is already covered by #7. Video games did not make the top 7 since things like eating vegetables are worse.

Jedediah 04-12-2010 11:56 PM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
Not all video games are the work of Satan. I used to play the following as a youngster:


Robert Jones 04-13-2010 12:17 AM

Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them)
 
It wouldn't be surprised if these "Christian" video games are just wolves in sheep's clothing. Do the games take their scriptures out of the KJV?


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:00 AM.

Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved