Homecoming
 

It's getting to be that time of year again, friends. I'm speaking of homecoming. Like prom, it is a thinly-veiled excuse for fornication and alcohol consumption. It turns millions of girls into uncontrollable harlots every year, which can only mean that the school administrators who orchestrate these events are in league with Satan.

I remember beating the tar out of my daughters for simply asking permission to attend one of these Satanic sex parties. The closest they came to a dance on homecoming night was the swivelling of their hips while they mopped the floor.

Do not let your daughter be deflowered by some testosterone-laden, pimply-faced imbecile in a suit or tux.

http://www.qwe.com/drake-homecoming/...ming-3some.jpg

If she shouts, "You never let me have any fun," simply retort, "Did Jesus have fun when He died temporarily for your sins?" Then hand her a mop. Tell her she can dance with that.

Praise Jesus.

Godly words Brother Hatchet, I agree, if those young women just have to have fun then strap their mops to their' hips and then they do their fun in the kitchen like a proper lady instead of rutting in somekind of teenage sex orgy.

GLORY!!!

That is some sound and wise advice Brother Hatchet!! You are such a wonderful father!

Why we don't even let them swivel their hips when we have our GODLY Ho' downs here in Landover.

Indeed, Sister. You'll always notice me to the side of the dance floor at these events, never taking my eyes off the women's bodies to make certain they are not conducting themselves in a provocative manner.

Thank the LORD we have someone overseeing it. Apparently the Chastity Belts cannot function to their full potential if one were to writhe in an inappropriate manner.
http://pics4.erosboutique.com/chastity-redleather.jpg

They should add sides to these so that one could no longer ruin their innocence by accidentally swaying! There is no good reason why one should move side-to-side -- that motion was invented by the Homer community to ease the pain of fornicating!

I'm in 9th grade, should I go to Homecoming?

Since you are not eighteen, you should GET OFF THIS BOARD RIGHT NOW!

course you should Ixi go out and have fun. Landover Girls are no fun to be around anyways always agreeing with me and mad I win't let them be my slave.

Ummm....ok, I guess I'll go.

Oh Pastor Al age doesn't mean anything

Divine Retribution
 

Indeed, Brother Hatchet, how much did Sinful "Carrie" enjoy her prom after disregarding the teachings of her Religious Mother and JESUS?:



(And might I say as long as I'm here that your new long-stemmed pipe looks ever so Manly!!!)

SUV

Thank you, Godly Sister Sue. Your tiara looks as lovely and sparkly as ever. Wilfred Brimley would need sunglasses if he were to stand before your radiance.

http://www.movieactors.com/character.../Brimley1.jpeg

It depends on the circumstances. Age alone may not mean anything, but clicking on the "I am over 18" button when you are not means you are a liar, and most likely a JEW to boot.

Judging by it's posts, i'd say it's entirely possible it's over 18 and in the 9th grade!

Bless you, Brother Hatchet. Although "shades" seem a little too modern for my taste for this Great Man to be affecting, still, you can see those Severe, Disapproving eyes of his quite well.

Praying I have the strength to set the new batch of Christmas Eggnog aside long enough to have a Brimley Bowl of oatmeal 'cause,

"It's the Right thing to do!" :brimley:

SUV

Re: Homecoming
 

PRAISE SATAN!!! homecoming is NOT a satanic sex party. you don't even know what satanism truelly is. look it up: http://www.churchofsatan.com ---it's not what you think. so quit bad mouthing stuff that you don't even know what is. and i've been to homecoming. i didn't have sex or drink. neither did a lot of people there.
oh, and fyi: "beating the tar" out of your daughters is illegal in any state in the US. i feel really sorry for your daughters and i hope someone reports you...
-Satan-

Re: Homecoming
 

Praise Satan? Why a Pastor hasn't banned you yet can only be explained by the infinite patience of the Lord Jesus. I most certainly will NOT be visiting whatever link that is, at the peril of my Eternal Soul™. Luckily, any True Christian™ would be using Landover's patented AntiVirus software, designed to protect from eDemons, and therefore cannot be damned to hell thanks to you.

Beating the tar out of one's child (or wife) is not only allowed by the Bible, it is ENCOURAGED. For, lest we forget, it is through bruises that one repents, as the Holy King James Version Bible states. What sickular law states is of no consequence. Within Landover's boundaries, the LORD's Laws outweigh those of activist LIEberal judges. Praise!

Re: Homecoming
 

Beware of allowing your girls to be unsupervised near mop handles!!!
Accidents can happen, so better is to have your girls on their hands and knees scrubbing.

There have been deaths due to girls trying to do "gymnastics" and the handles of brooms and mops.

Re: Homecoming
 

I already know what it is.
It is a fake "church" made up by a stupid homer named laVey. (the name should be enough evidence anyone could ever need for his homerness.)

You people might think satan is "a symbolic representation of mankinds strenght" or whatever mumbo jumbo you currently believe in..
But satan is not symbolic, he is not your friend, and he is going to rape and torture you for eternity once JESUS throws you in HELL!
Have fun, homer. :angry:

Re: Homecoming
 

I wonder if these limp-wristed satanist scumbags realize that their "hero" Anton LaVey was a polish jewboy who created his "church of satan" as a way of making money for himself. It didn't work out because he spent most of the money he made on sex holidays in Thailand where he bought and was sodomised by a string of 14 year old gook boys. He died in the gutter just a few years ago, and he is now in hell gulping scalding hot bile, Praise Jesus.