Hiding Bruises
Well ladies, it's time to share our secrets. The liebral media seems to think there's something wrong with a husband disciplining his wife when she sins, so it has become necessary for us to find ways to hide our marks of punishment.
Yesterday, I am ashamed to say I burned the pie I was making for my husband. :( He disciplined me accordingly, and I don't want my hippy neighbors asking questions about the bruises. Any advice on concealment? They're mostly around my eyes, so I can't cover them with clothing. I have no make up in my house (Only whores do!) so that's out as well. I could try sun glasses, but my husband says they make me look mannish, so I'd prefer to save those as a last resort. Any other ideas, ladies? |
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Well there's just nothing I hate worse than nosy neighbors, unless they are True Christians sniffing out sin in the neighborhood.
I don't see why you should want to hide the bruises your husband gave you. Most wives aren't so fortunate as to marry a manly man True Christian who will beat the fear of GOD into their wives, and you should wear the bruises he gives you as a trophy. |
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I wouldn't want to hide them, but I'm afraid my liberal neighbors will have my husband arrested if they find out where they came from. It's apparently a "crime" to punish your own wife! :angry: |
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If there is an emergency, and you must go outside for some reason, perhaps during a blizzard as a punishment, then have the Reverend Jim Osborne perform a Christian laying on of hands. This is sure to cover up any unsightly topical damage. |
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That's exactly what I was going to mention, stay inside. I'm sure you have plenty of houswork to do anyway, & if you get it all done, then you can always find other things indoors to spend your time constructive. Polish your hubands shoes, mend his clothes, & spend time scrutinizing your own work & places you need to improve. Then explain to your husband where, why , how you can & should be doing better. This is a good time for this because since you are already bruised, its a very convienient time for more deserved punishment, depending on how much room for improvement you have, you may be able to work yourself into a good enough beating that its not just black eyes, go for more of a full body beating, then you should be able to leave home sooner, you will have learned your lesson, and if you drive like most women, your car is probably already banged up pretty badly anyway, so people will just assume you were in a car wreck. Then you don't have to lie, & disgrace our saviour by telling lies & breaking one of the most important commandments. Use some of your time to practice up on your baking, so you won't burn any more pies. Then you can avoid thus incidence ever happening again.:black eye::seestars::bash::diepig::fear2:
There's plenty to do & I'm sure if your like most women including my wife, a constant effort for perfection is emphatic & the beatings are just a small part of your learning to be a more godly servant to your man. God Bless You Sister, & good luck on your journey. |
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Your fellow Christian ladies will envy you those shiners. :thumbsup:
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I have found that it is often easier for me to hit my wife with a tennis racket.
Because the surface area is primarily mesh, it flies through the air easily, and it doesn't leave a bruise, but rather, an amusing mesh-patterned welt. I often explain to my wife that Satan's web of sin and deceit has a similar mesh shape, only the welts I leave will save her from HELL'S FIRE. |
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I like the tennis racket idea, you could use a soldering iron or a cigarette to play tick tack toe.:candle:
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A rod to the buttocks will not leave marks where they can be seen by anyone but your husband. And you'll be reminded of your improper behavior every time you choose to sit down for days, instead of just when you look at yourself in a mirror! :thumbsup: |
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I pray constantly for a Godly husband who would love me enough to discipline me, but alas, my poor dear deluded atheist husband refuses. It makes me so sad, but I do have eternal hope in Christ Jesus that he will see the folly of his ways and come to the LORD as I have come to the LORD. In the meantime, I leave around little "hints" printed in his lunch box, underwear drawer, my bra. I hope the Holy Spirit leads him quickly but in the meantime, I'm happy to share what I can with you in case your husband chooses to alter his disciplinary habits.
From my favorite website (Christian Domestic Discipline), Quote:
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Thank you for the website. I'll pray that your husband sees the light of Christ. :pray: |
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I'd like to point out once again that I am always available to lay of a good paddling for any Christian lady who has a limp-wristed liberal for a husband. I've got quite a collection of paddles, rods and switches, and I know how to Really put my back into my work. :shades2:
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My wife uses the 'Tammy Baker' line of eye shadow and mascara. No one has ever said anything about my wifes eyes, at least not to my face.
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Having little in the way of sense, seeing as i am a woman and all, i frequently act out in passive aggressive ways for the attention of my husband Billy Bob. This tendency has been somewhat curbed by a campaign of oars, paddles, rackets, switches, billy clubs, batons, ratan canes, practice swords, mattock handles, and a variety of other common and uncommon implements that my husband finds wieldy. This being said, some disobedience from a woman toward her husband, in the privacy of the home and not in front of the children, can be part of God's divine plan on occasion, in the same way that a Negro acting in accordance with his own nature can only be expected to commit rape and pie pilfery on occasion. Some Negroes, like some women, are simply predestined for Hell.
i realize this may seem like a controversial, even perhaps a "progressive" idea to some, but moderate disobedience of a Christian woman towards her husband gives a man the opportunity to exercise the full scope of his disciplinary authority, and gives him cause to prove his manly dominance over her in ways that would otherwise remain dormant in the man/wife relationship. (Billy Bob: I approve this post) |
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I TIMOTHY 2:15a Notwithstanding she shall be saued in child-bearing.. but conditional upon the 4 provisos of I Timothy 2:15b, I Timothy 2:15c, I Timothy 2:15d & I Timothy 2:15eI am getting very confused now is that 5 caveats or 4 conditions and 1 caveat or 0 caveats and 5 conditions or are they all provisions or what would happen if something unholy occurred on the death-bed :huh: This example alone of God's miraculous intervention in our affairs should slay the atheist dragon where once it stood erect and menacing that He should stoop so low. Isaiah 51:9 |
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My Father punishes me in many different ways, but the most common is spanking my bare bottom, this is easily covered up just by wearing clothes!
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well, i live alone out here in the trailer ever since daddy and mama went to Jesus (RIP). But I do receive quite a few catfish and snappin turtle bites when I go swimmin in the bog? these critters have right powerful jaws, so theys always leaving the odd mark, and i think its important for a lady to look her best, especially in the eyes of Christ! so I like to keep them bites n bruises covered up, but I aint got no fancy Hollywood makeup like Zha ZHa Gabor? Sos I got to improvise, Praise God! most of the time them bites is bleedin something morbid, sos my cover-ups double as a poultice of sorts? I usually make a mixture of cat urine and rotten pumpkin mush, then I dip some shamwows in the salve, an apply them too the many welts and nips on my flesh folds. Hooweee, it burns something holocaustic! but it makes them welts heal quicker.
He is risen, Lori H. |
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I wear my "shiners" like a badge of pride. They show that Pastor Zeke's loves me enough to "correct" me and help me get to HEAVEN.
:threaten: + :black eye: = :heart: |
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