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-   -   Poems about the Gospels (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19311)

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 01:24 AM

Poems about the Gospels
 
Jesus came to fulfill EVERYTHING in the Old Testament
He spoke in parables to make sure people went to hell!
Jesus was so wonderful, he even had two lineages
And even though the people He grew up with did not believe
He can still send evil spirits into pigs!
Jesus will destroy your unbelievers, even worst than Sodom and Gomorrah!
He'll destroy all the people He made sure would never know the truth!
God made sure he blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, if He hadn't they would have believed!
And afterwards God will punish them for eternity, since they didn't believe!
God will reward you if you leave your wife and families to follow Him!
Thank God only the foolish and ignorant listen to Him!
Never those people with whom He grew up with!
If you believe and are baptised, you won't be damned for all time!
You have to hate your entire family, and yourself!
Jesus will give you a big reward when you abandon your children!
Whatever men like, you can be sure God hates!
And then the Jews killed Him, and we can blame all their descendants for that crime!
So as Jesus taught, slay all those who do not obey God!
Everyone will hate us, and kill us, but we'll never be harmed!
And he'll return, before this generation passes away!

Pastor Billy-Reuben 01-27-2009 01:48 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
:yahoo:

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 02:26 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based on Job

Satan walks up and down the earth, before going to the meeting in Heaven
God lets Satan punish the best person, and leaves all the sinners be!
To punish Job, God kills all of his children!
And every square inch of his body is covered with boils!
But Job won't curse God, because he knows if he did, he'd die instantaneously!
Instead he curses the day he was born
And accuses God of cursing Him for no reason!
God will laugh at the trial of the innocent!
Amen!

Pastor Ezekiel 01-27-2009 02:27 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
AMEN!! The Holy Ghost is strong in you today!!

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 03:01 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Proverbs

Write truth upon thine heart!
Always have fun with your wife's breasts!
Make love with her all night long!
If you make a problem in your house, you'll inherit nothing.
Only the simple believe EVERY word
And a soft answer turneth away wrath.
Gray hair is glorious!
Don't take pleasure in your enemies falling!
Don't seek revenge!
Don't boast about yourself!
Give lots of alcohol to poor people, so they'll forget their problems!

God laughs at your misfortunes, mocks your fears, and ignores your cries for help!
Watch out for those strange, brawling, angry, contentious, adulterous, odious women!
Foolish women drag innocent men into hell!
Beautiful women without discretion are like pigs with jewelery!
Beat your children!
The bruises and scrapes will take away the evil!
The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous!
Don't give your slaves lectures! Beat them as if they're your own!
If you do not respect your parents, birds will eat your eyes!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 03:09 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Esther

Queen Vashti did not want to get naked in front of her husband's friends
So he stripped her of the crown!
The King made sure all wives were obedient!
All the beautiful virgins were brought before the King, one to be the new Queen!
And Esther won!
To take away her feminine dirt, for twelve months she is purified!
She gets two men executed!
And the Hamam and his ten sons, too!
Amen!

Ahimaaz Smith 01-27-2009 04:21 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
That's about the most beautiful poem about Queen Vashti that I've ever read. :thumbsup:

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 03:00 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Ecclesiastes

Death is final!
Since there is no afterlife, enjoy yourself now!
The best things to do are to eat, drink, and be merry!
Do these things happily, because God accepts them!
Do what you feel, and go after that which you desire!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 03:15 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Nehemiah

The children of Arah, six hundred fifty and two.
The children of Pahathmoab, of the children of Jeshua and Joab, two thousand and eight hundred and eighteen.
The children of Zattu, eight hundred forty and five.
The children of Binnui, six hundred forty and eight.
The children of Bebai, six hundred twenty and eight.
The children of Azgad, two thousand three hundred twenty and two.
The children of Adonikam, six hundred threescore and seven.
The children of Bigvai, two thousand threescore and seven.
The children of Adin, six hundred fifty and five.
The children of Bezai, three hundred twenty and four.
The men of Bethlehem and Netophah, an hundred fourscore and eight.
The children of Lod, Hadid, and Ono, seven hundred twenty and one.
The children of Senaah, hree thousand nine hundred and thirty.
The singers: the children of Asaph, an hundred forty and eight.
The porters: the children of Shallum, the children of Ater, the children of Talmon, the children of Akkub, the children of Hatita, the children of Shobai, an hundred thirty and eight.
Praise be to Nehemiah, for when he saw men marrying strange wives, did contend with them, curse them, kill some, and plucked out there hair!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 03:22 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On The Song of Solomon

Your kisses are better than wine!
All night you will lie between my breasts!
His left hand under my head, his right hand holding me, I hope he never wakes up!
I want to have undisturbed sex with you in my mother's bedroom!
Your breasts are like twin gazelles!
When my love touched the door, my bowels were moved!
Your knees are like jewels!
Your breasts are like clusters of the vine!
My little sister is flat-chested, but my breasts are like towers!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 03:24 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Ezra

Lots of people had lots of children!
The Israelites corrupted the Holy Seed by marrying foreigners!
Ezra was so upset, he tore his clothes, ripped out his hair, and couldn't move!
To avoid God's wrath, Ezra tells them they must abandon their wives and children!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 01-27-2009 08:34 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Isaiah

Blessed be You, O Lord, who crack's women's skulls when they dress like whores!
You God, who uncovers their secret parts!
Call forth the flies and the bees!
Thank You Lord, for forcing every man to eat his brother and then his own flesh!
Pray God doesn't find you, or He'll thrust you through, smash your kids to pieces and rape your wife!
God, who sends a perverse Spirit amongst the foreigners, making them like drunks lying in their vomit!
Praise to God, who as a sign and wonder made Isaiah walk three years naked!
Praise to God, who commands we cast the evil away like a menstrual cloth!
Be afraid all women, be so afraid you take off your clothes!
God, fill the world with the smell of evil corpses, melt the mountains with their blood!
Soak the land with their blood, strike with your blood-filled sword!
Make them eat their own dung and drink their own piss!
Cry out Lord, cry like a woman cries!
Blessed be You, creator of all evil!
Make the people eat their flesh and get drunk on their blood!
Let Your clothes be stained with human blood!
Slay them with Your fire and sword!
Make their corpses piled high, let them rot and burn forever!
Amen!

Ezekiel Bathfire 01-27-2009 10:48 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
I like old Isaiah, he tells it like it is, a man's prophet if you will - you've captured his message there brother HB :thumbsup:

Meek and Humble 01-28-2009 06:33 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On 2 Chronicles

Remember that glorious day, when Solomon killed 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep!
Remember always that day, when Abijah killed 500,000 Israelites!
Honor forever that day, when Asa killed one million Ethiopians!
Forsake not the memory of that time, when Pekah killed 120,000 infidels!

Whoever does not seek the God of Israel should be executed!
That wondrous God, who puts lies into the mouths of His prophets!
Hate God's enemies, or He'll turn His wrath on you, too!
He who killed Judah's women and children, and made their men's bowels fall out!
With God's help Amaziah killed 10,000 outright, and another 10,000 he hauled off the side of a cliff!
Fear Him, who turned Uzziah into a leper for buring incense without a license!
Obey, or He'll send kings to conquer and kill your people, showing no compassion for man or woman, young or old, healthy or sick!
Amen!

Pastor Ezekiel 01-28-2009 01:10 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Give us one about my namesake, Ezekiel. :59:

Meek and Humble 01-28-2009 04:46 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Sure thing, Pastor. A Poem Based On Ezekiel

Ezekiel was blessed with the honor of seeing God's loins
At His command did eat a book that tasted sweet as honey!
If you are good, and God lays a stumbling block before you, and you fall from grace, God will kill you, and all your good deeds shall be forgotten!
At His command was Ezekiel to eat barley cakes made of human excrement!
God hates Ezekiel's hair, so he shaves it bald. A third he burns, a second he stabs, the rest he scatters in the wind.
God will make father eat the flesh of son, and son to eat the flesh of father!
He will send plagues, famines, and wars to us all, and if any survive, we'll be eaten by wild beasts!
The land shall be decorated with bones and corpses!
God will mark of the forehead of the men He wants to save, all the rest He shall have no pity on!
No pity shall He have on those wicked women, who sew abominable pillows!
No pity shall He have on the prophets He lied to, since they believed God's lies!
Women, don't sleep with foreigners just because they have bigger penises!
Men, stay away from menstruating women!
God Almighty polluted Israel with idols and injustice, so He could have an excuse to destroy Israel!
Let not a foreigner touch your virgin breast, ladies, for the penalty is either being paraded naked in public, taking away your children, and stabbing you with a sword - or cutting off your nose and ear, being forced to cut off your own breasts, be raped an mutilated and stoned to death!
Stay away from those donkey-sized penises, ladies!
God gets excited when he cooks human flesh and scum!
God killed Ezekiel's wife and told him not to mourn her!
God makes their loins be at stand and then cuts them off!
God makes armies out of skeletons!
By causing every man's sword to be against his brother, so the Lord magnifies Himself!
A feast shall He prepare for beast and fowl, the flesh and blood of men!
Amen!

Ezekiel Bathfire 01-29-2009 12:48 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Heathen Basher, Robert Frost stand aside! There's a children's book here! "Baby Jesus' Bedtime Poems for the Sons and Daughters of Gentle Christian Folk."

Meek and Humble 01-29-2009 04:28 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Jeremiah

Here is God - You who says Judah has whore's forehead,
Judah who keeps adultery with stones and stocks!
Praise that God has greatly deceived this people!
Praise that He shall send leopards and lions to tear them to pieces!
Like horses, they go neighing after their neighbor's wife!
He shall send giant chicken-snake hybrids who gaze turns you to stone after you!
God is the source of evil!
Do not dare pray for His victims, God shall not hear your prayers!
The young men shall die in war, and the children die of starvation!
He sword shall devour everyone, no flesh shall have peace!
God will make everyone drunk, he will dash father and son together - without pity, He shall not spare; without mercy, He shall destroy them!
Like a sinful woman who deserves to be raped, so shall Jerusalem be destroyed!
EVERYONE shall die of war, starvation, and disease!
Those misled by false prophets shall die by famine and sword!
Because of the acts of a former king, every citizen shall be killed by the sword, torn by the dogs, and devoured by beast and fowl!
They shall die grievously, no body shall mourn them, never shall they be buried but left like dung on the earth!
God will kill everyone because their fathers forsook Him!
Look to Jeremiah, the saintly man who prayed for young men's death at war, and children's death by starvation!
If you even heard about the evil God plans to do your ears would tingle!
Parents shall eat their child, friends shall devour each other!
Look to Jeremiah, whom God deceived!
Both man and beast shall die at the great pestilence!
He'll make all of Israel drunk and then kill them with a sword!
The dead at the hands of God shall fill the world! Do not lament this!
If you try to escape to another land, still God shall track you down and kill you with war, famine and disease!
On the day of the Lord, His sword shall be drunk with blood!
If you do not cover your sword with blood, a curse shall fall upon you!
So we pray you make our foreign enemies drunk, that they may wallow in their vomit!
Burn to death the daughters of Rabbah, Lord!
Break them all to pieces!
Glory!

Mistress Cookie 01-29-2009 04:43 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher (Post 287556)
Jesus came to fulfill EVERYTHING in the Old Testament / He spoke in parables to make sure people went to hell! / etc.

Your work is deeply stirring!

It's as if the Lord were directly channeling His mighty words through YOU, Himself, to sooth these troubled times!

Bless you, and your inspirational gift!

Meek and Humble 01-29-2009 06:21 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On 1 Chronicles

Shame be on Uzza, who dared touch the ark, rather than let it fall to the ground. Thank you God for killing him!
Praise be to David, who tortured the citizens of the cities of Ammon with saws, harrows of iron, and axes!
Shame on David, though, for trying to take a census! Praise to God, for justly punishing this crime by killing 70,000 of His Chosen People!
Glory to God, who repented of this act afterward!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 01-29-2009 06:31 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Lamentations

Oh Jerusalem, you are like a woman who sighs and turns backwards, filthiness is in your skirts!
The adversary puts his hand on her pleasant things!
God squishes mighty men, young men, and virgins, as if they were grapes!
Jerusalem is as disgusting as a menstruating woman!
Mercilessly God kills everyone, young and old, and forces mothers to eat their children!
To accomplish His fury on Israel He starves children to death and makes their mothers eat their corpses!
Amen!

Ahimaaz Smith 01-29-2009 07:07 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Ode To Third John

Gaius, whom I love in truth
Thy charity preceeds thee among the bretheren
Thou ripest off the Gentiles not
Diotrephes thinks himself my better
We'll see how long his letters last
Bye for now

Meek and Humble 01-29-2009 07:26 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On 2 Kings

Oh good ol' Elijah proved himself a man of God, when he burned at the stake 102 men,
Elisha did the same when he made his servant and his descendants to be lepers for all time!
Elisha could even make heavy things float!
And God answered Elisha's prayers, he blinded all his enemies!
The plague God sent even got mother's boiling their kids to eat!
He sends a famine on the people that lasts seven years!
Whoever urinates against a wall God shall destroy!
Be not like Jezebel ladies, do not try to gain authority, for you will be thrown off a wall and fed to dogs!
All 70 of Ahab's sons were killed, and their heads placed in baskets!
Remember Jehu, who killed everyone in Samaria to show his zeal for the Lord!
Great was the reward Jehu received from God!
Be not like evil King Azariah, who God smote with leprosy!
Be like King Ahaz, who at age 36 had a son aged 25!
Be not like the Samarians, who knew not the manner of the God of the land, for they were devoured by lions!
Be not like they who eat their own dung and drink their own piss!
Be not, or else you will wake up and realize you are dead, like the 185,000 the Angel of the Lord killed!
Be like mighty Isaiah, who by the grace of God moved the sun back ten degrees!
Praise to the Lord, who will bring such evil on Jerusalem and Judah, that if you heard about it, your ears would tingle!

Meek and Humble 01-29-2009 07:40 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Daniel

When wicked King Nebuchadnezzar saw the light, he ordered all blasphemers be cut to pieces and live in dung holes! Glory!
And Daniel beheld the whole world from a top a tree!
Nebuchadnezzar eats grass, grows hair like eagle feathers and nails like bird claws!
And a detached hand writes on a wall!
The day is saved when the King orders Daniel's accusers, and their families, be thrown to the lions!
Hallelujah!

Meek and Humble 01-29-2009 03:42 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On 1 Kings

Shiver poor King David in his old age, sends for a virgin to keep him warm at night.
Solomon builds a temple, kills 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep!
Solomon has 700 wives and 300 concubines!
God kills anyone who pisses against the wall!
If you live in the city you'll be eaten by dogs, if you live in the country you'll be eaten by birds!
Kill everything that breathes for God's sake!
You will know the Lord is God when He huge massacres of His enemies occur!
Blasphemers must be stoned to death!
God will feed the dog's with the wicked's blood!
Plea for mercy from God and you shall not be punished, your children shall be punished instead!
Praise to God, who puts a lying spirit in the mouths of prophets!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 02-02-2009 08:09 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Book Based On Hosea

Oh God told Hosea to marry a whore,
God will strip the adulteresses naked and expose their lewdness!
Children born of whoredom shall have no divine Mercy,
And God told Hosea to love that whore!
She was quite the bargain, only 15 pieces of silver!
Don't you ever misbehave, or you're wife and daughters might be sold the same way!
Oh pray those whores have miscarriages, and cannot feed the babes that survive!
God has given His assurance, he will slay the fruit of their womb!
God will rip them apart and eat them like a lion!
The infants of Samaria will be dashed to pieces, the pregnant women will be ripped up!
GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!

Mistress Cookie 02-02-2009 08:21 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Reading your divinely inspirational poetry is a wonderful way to begin the day!

Thanks ever so - -

Mistress Cookie

Meek and Humble 02-02-2009 09:32 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On 2 Samuel

Oh Blessed Book
That God did inspire to lessen my work!
No poem need I toil over for thee
For I have already written poems on Chronicles
And it's basically the same thing.
AMEN!

Mistress Cookie 02-02-2009 09:41 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
1 Attachment(s)
Can you write something about Jezebel, please?

It be shameful, I know, but I've always found her rather interesting.

Meek and Humble 02-02-2009 09:44 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Joel

The Day of the Lord cometh, it is nigh at hand, wrote Joel some 2,400 years ago.
God shall make Israel pay for the damage caused by the locusts He sent, and all shall praise the name of the Lord!
The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood!
God will sell your sons and daughters!
Turn your farming equipment into weapons!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 02-02-2009 09:46 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie (Post 289313)
Can you write something about Jezebel, please?

It be shameful, I know, but I've always found her rather interesting.

I did mention Jezebel in my poem on 2 Kings, but since you requested so nicely sister, I shall write a poem all about her just for you!

Mistress Cookie 02-02-2009 10:22 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher (Post 289316)
I did mention Jezebel in my poem on 2 Kings, but since you requested so nicely sister, I shall write a poem all about her just for you!

How kind and good you are.

I love the movie, too!

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 03:57 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem About Jezebel

The was a bad woman who ruled instead of a guy
I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her.
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who turned against the Lord
How absurd, she turned against the Lord!
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who on the throne sat
Imagine that, on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who led the people into fog,
What a hog, she led the people into fog
She led the people into fog because on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who worshiped a goat
She just loved to gloat that she worshiped a goat
She worshiped the goat because she led the people into fog
She led the people into fog because on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who got thrown out a window
The eunuchs were how she got thrown out a window
She got thrown out a window because she worshiped a goat
She worshiped the goat because she led the people into fog
She led the people into fog because on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who made the people whores -
She's dead now, of course.

Amen

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 04:11 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts!
God asks the Philistines to make him five golden hemorrhoids!
And God killed those cheeky 50,070, who dared look in the Ark!
God makes a covenant with you, that He may thrust your eyes out!
And I hope when the Spirit comes upon you, like Samuel, you too will hack an oxen up and send a piece to each coast of Israel!
God ordered Saul to kill all the Amalekites - men, women, babies, toddlers - even their ox, sheep, camels and donkeys!
God repented of making Saul king, when he refused to do the righteous killing!
So he was haunted by an evil spirit from the Lord!
When David needs to buy a wife, he knows the price - 200 Philistine foreskins, not 100, 200 dang it!
Kill everybody who pisses against the wall!
And David kills all the Amalekites even though Saul had already killed them all!
Saul goes to Endor on a fender, gets a witch to dig up the ditch, resurrected Samuel!
But oh no, the Amalekites must have got risen too, for even though they were all killed twice, they come invade again!
AMEN!

Mistress Cookie 02-03-2009 04:15 AM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher (Post 289416)
.....There was a bad woman who made the people whores / She's dead now, of course. / Amen

So insightful, and so TRUE!

Bless you.

And thank you for taking requests...luring you from your mighty muse.

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 02:59 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
The poem above should include the title "A Poem Based On 1 Samuel"

Now then - "A Poem Based On Amos"

God shall send fire unto Hazel! God shall send fire unto Gaza! And Tyrus! And Teman, and Rabbah, and Moab, and Judah...
God will slay all the princes of Moab!
Is there any evil God did not create?
God sends pestilence, kills young men with the sword, and makes you endure bad smells!
The Lord stands on a wall, talking with a plumb-bob in His hand!
Amos sees God standing on the altar!
God will kill the last of them with a sword, if they try to escape by sea they'll be eaten by sea-serpents. God will set His eyes upon them for evil, not for good!
Amen!

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 03:34 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Ruth

Naomi told her widowed daughter-in-law to spend the night with her boss
Ruth uncovered Boaz's feet, and lies down next to him!
Spread your skirt over me, she asks of him.
And so she did lay at him feet until morning!
Boaz then buys her as his wife.
Boaz then goes in unto her, and they have a son, grandfather of David!
Amen.

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 03:50 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Obadiah

The Israelites heard a rumor from God, start a war with the Edomites!
Destroy the wise man out of Edom, slaughter everyone of the mount of Esau!
The day of the Lord is near, wrote Obadiah, only some 2,500 years ago!
God will burn all the heathen to death, for the Lord hath spoken it!
Amen and Amen!

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 04:14 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Judges

Long, long ago, the Isrealites cut off the thumbs and big toes of a captive foreign king!
The valley people attacked, but God could do nothing, for they had chariots of iron!
Ehud gave the King of Moab a message from God - a knife stuck deep inside his belly, it could not be removed, and dirt came out!
When they disobey, God sells the Israelites into slavery!
When they obey, Shamgar can even kill 600 Philistines an ox goad!
Blessed above women is Jael, who drove a tent stake through her guest's head!
Divide the prey, to every man a damsel or two!
Blessed be Gideon, who put God to the test, and God complied!
Recruit for the army, the test is simple, if you lap water like a dog, you're in!
The Lord set every man's sword against his fellow!
When the two princes are killed, their heads are delivered to Gideon!
Gideon kills all the men of Succoth!
For all his righteous acts, no doubt, Gideon had many wives!
Abimelech killed sixty-nine brothers with one stone!
And an evil spirit was sent by God!
Jephthah honorably keeps his promise, and sacrifices his daughter to the Lord!
The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson, and so he killed, killed, and killed some more!
Samson caught 300 foxes, tied their tails together, and lit them on fire!
He killed 1,000 men with the jawbone of an ass!
Then he went in unto a harlot...
Now consider this - a Levite was about to get raped by a mob, but instead they take his concubine, rape and beat her all night. She crawls half-dead onto her master's doorstep in the morning, he rides away with her, cuts her body into twelve pieces and sends on part to each of the twelve tribes of Israel!
AMEN!

Meek and Humble 02-03-2009 04:31 PM

Re: A Poem about the Gospels
 
A Poem Based On Jonah

Yo ho, yo ho, God made a great fish swallow up Jonah, and there he stayed three days and nights!
When God talked to the fish, it vomited Jonah out onto dry land!
God wants those evil beasts of Nineveh to cover themselves with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God!
God repents of the evil He was going to do!
God made a gourd to shade Jonah's head, then God made a worm to destroy the gourd!
Praise to You, Oh Lord!


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