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-   -   Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=65741)

Old Man Hatchet 05-26-2011 07:18 PM

Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Jif Peanut Butter: "Choosy mothers choose Jif."

http://img.timeinc.net/realsimple/i/...ood_pb_jif.jpg

Women are simpletons and should never make choices, not even regarding peanut butter. They should pray to Jesus or call their husbands for guidance. The slogan should be: "Subservient mothers take a moment and petition Jesus or phone their husbands to find out whether they should buy Jif or not." That's a whole lot catchier, too.


Taco Bell: "Yo QuZero Taco Bell."

http://sk1.yt-thm-a01.yimg.com/image/3c535ada43f6d732

I don't know what this gibberish means, and that frightens me. Repeating it could summon demons, or, worse yet, Mexicans.


AT&T: "Reach out and touch someone."

http://www.wireless.att.com/home/images/att_logo.gif

Touching leads to fornication. I never even so much as tap someone on the shoulder for fear that my tallywacker will end up in a dark, dank place it doesn't belong. AT&T, fully aware of where touching leads, attempted to instigate a mass orgy with this deplorable slogan in 1979. What they failed to notice was that there already was a mass orgy going on--it was, after all, the 70s.


Doublemint Gum: "Double your pleasure, double your fun with Doublemint Gum."

http://sk1.yt-thm-a01.yimg.com/image/cfe990505433355a

Pleasure and fun should never be doubled. If anything, they should be halved. At least.


Charmin Toilet Tissue: "Please don't squeeze the Charmin!"

http://cache.defamer.com/assets/imag...11/charmin.jpg

"Charmin" was a euphemism for ding-dongs in a series of commercials that featured a grocer named Mr. Whipple. Horny housewives couldn't keep their hands off of the Charmin, prompting Mr. Whipple to say the above slogan. Okay. I'm on board. "Ladies, don't squeeze shlongs" seems like a message that espouses wholesome, Christian values. Not so fast. These commercials would invariably end with Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin, his eyes glazed over in queer delight. This slogan is gay propaganda in sheep's clothing. Also, "Charmin" sounds French, adding to the gayness. And the name "Whipple" is pretty dirty-sounding.

Of course, Charmin has pictures of babies on their packaging, so this slogan may be about squeezing infants to death, or possibly squeezing baby peckers. I'm not sure. Give me a little more time on this one.


Allstate: "You're in good hands."

http://www.rtd-denver.com/SystemMaps...s/allstate.jpg

From the sound of it, this insurance company likes to grope its customers. Their repugnant logo is a pair of perverted, outstretched hands that appear eager to cup my genitals. Get your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty Allstate.


Rolaids: "How do you spell relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S."

http://sk1.yt-thm-a01.yimg.com/image/e9e4ddd3e8286946


Television can be a wonderful babysitter, playmate, parent, and/or teacher provided it is tuned in to the Christian Television Network. CTN strictly offers factual information; e.g., dinosaur bones were strategically placed by Satan to fool mankind about the Earth's age. Secular television spreads misinformation and stultifies the minds of American children. Case in point: the above slogan. Relief is most certainly not spelled r-o-l-a-i-d-s. No wonder all I see are chinks and Hindus in American spelling bees.


Ball Park Franks: "They plump when you cook 'em."

http://sk1.yt-thm-a03.yimg.com/image/df4da5b85eb0fd38

Does anyone not think of engorged tallywackers when hearing this slogan? Scores of women have become pecker-craving fiends because of this insidious advertising campaign's not-so-subtle message. After viewing a commercial in which the slogan was featured, my neighbor's wife became an uncontrollable harlot and tried to cook my Ball Park Frank. Fortunately, my tallywacker remained virtuous and did not succumb to advertising-induced fornication.*


Johnson's Baby Shampoo: "No more tears."

http://sk1.yt-thm-a03.yimg.com/image/dfbce5ce59fd3206

Children are supposed to cry while in the bathtub. I used to rub soap and/or shampoo and/or bath salt in my daughters' eyes while my wife bathed them. Sure, it made them scream at the top of their lungs and cry their eyes out, but it also made them have unpleasant associations with being naked so they didn't become whores.** That's called good parenting, folks.



*It did become semi-plump.

**Unfortunately, they did become whores. In retrospect, I should have rubbed soap/shampoo/bath salt in their eyes and made the bathwater scalding hot. Let that be a lesson to all of you new parents out there.

SUV 05-26-2011 07:28 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 


Brother Hatchet, I have not even fully read your expose' before I became compelled to address this one.

Obviously, what he is squeezing is a Baby's bottom and not some dang ol dang ol paper towel roll.

What is he, a God-Damned pervert?!

I asked that question rhetorically :)

SUV approves this message.

Bobby-Joe 05-26-2011 07:36 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
I have said it before and I will say it again; toilet paper is nothing more than a tool to aid in masturbation. Of course they advertise it is soft, so they can get more men to self pollute themselves.

I challenge any many here to tell me he can't resist fornicating with roll of soft toilet paper! You can't! Face it! That's why I won't let soft toilet paper into my house.

Old Man Hatchet 05-26-2011 08:23 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe (Post 756541)
I have said it before and I will say it again; toilet paper is nothing more than a tool to aid in masturbation. Of course they advertise it soft, so they can get more men to self pollute themselves.

I challenge any many here to tell me he can't resist fornicating with roll of soft toilet paper! You can't! Fact it! That's why I won't let soft toilet paper into my house.

Amen, Brother. There's even one called "Angel Soft." I am outraged by such sacrilege.

http://ts2.mm.bing.net/images/thumbn...6898d151302df0

Notice how a baby graces the packaging as well. The toilet paper industry is surely headed by perverts and pedophiles who hate God.

MisterM 05-26-2011 08:28 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 756590)
Notice how a baby graces the packaging as well. The toilet paper industry is surely headed by perverts and pedophiles who hate God.

They also did something for Welsh people:

http://www.am.lv/primg/large/575/650...a55df4efc9.jpg

Nobar King 05-26-2011 08:39 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
I'm getting really tired of Philips and their bad gas colon health advertisements. Do I really need to be reminded of this?


Pastor Isaac Peters 05-26-2011 09:27 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Anything relating to "feminine freshness." First, if God wanted you to feel "fresh" during that time, He would not have called you unclean and commanded your separation. Second, we men don't want to hear about it. In fact, I think it's all a plot by the feminazis to erase gender differences by letting the inferior sex run around all month as though God had blessed them with baby-batter nozzles and not cursed them with baby ovens.

Richard "Why" Mayweather 05-26-2011 11:26 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe (Post 756541)
I challenge any man here to tell me he can't resist fornicating with roll of soft toilet paper! You can't! Face it! That's why I won't let soft toilet paper into my house.

I use soft toilet paper in my house and I resist the urge to fornicate by asking God to aid me. No toilet paper is a match for His power. Praise Jesus :thumbsup:.

Just out of curiousity, what do you use if not toilet paper?

María Gálvez-Villalobos 05-26-2011 11:53 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
And what of THIS owfull comercial? Is makeing joke about the F word I think and generally being rude! I'm no aprove of this.:angry: Especially of some of the ladys in it.


Jo Freddie 05-27-2011 01:12 AM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Not a slogan as such but still offensive
Canned pasta as we all know is an abomination, but what makes this even worse is that it is not Ravioli, it is Tordelli!

Rev. Jim Osborne 05-27-2011 08:26 AM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
As the old saying goes, "Sex Sells", and Brother Hatchet is right on the money in exposing how industries from toilet paper to gum capitalize on it. Here are some others which are clearly trying to appeal to peoples' sexual nature.

  • McDonalds: I'm loving it. (Loving what, exactly?)
  • Burger King: Have it your way. (Promoting free sexual expression, homosexuality, bisexuality, pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia.)
  • Midas: You've got the Midas touch. (Like Allstate and AT&T, promoting touchy-feely behavior)
  • Chevy: Like a rock. (Who doesn't think of an engorged tallywhacker when hearing this?)
  • Winston: Tastes good like a cigarette should. (Or a tallywhacker?)
  • Visa: Everywhere you want to be. (Like a whore!)
  • Sears: Come see the softer side of Sears. (Inviting you inside the Sears-Roebuck vagina.)
  • Avis: We try harder. (Yea, in bed.)
  • Duracell: Nothing outlasts the coppertop. (Redheaded men have longer stamina during sexual congress.)
  • Energizer: It keeps going, and going, and going... (Another battery company promoting sexual stamina)
  • KFC: Finger lickin' good. (Too obvious. No comment needed.)
  • Butterfinger: Nobody better lay a finger on my butterfinger. (To their credit, it encourages abstinence, but they're still using sex to sell.)
  • Snickers: Satisfies. (I'm sure a Snickers can satisfy many women and gay men...but not by eating it.)
  • Skittles: Taste the rainbow. (Glorifying homosexuality and oral sex.)
  • Subway: Eat fresh. (More oral sex promotion.)
  • Starburst: Isn't life juicy? (The only time anyone ever uses the word "juicy" is in the context of sex.)
  • Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: You got chocolate in my peanut butter. (Explicit, hardcore anal sex promotion.)
  • Tootsie Pop: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. (Ok, I give up. I'm pretty sure I made my point!)

SUV 05-27-2011 12:51 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne (Post 756897)
Sears: Come see the softer side of Sears. (Inviting you inside the Sears-Roebuck cooter.)

Well I thought so. Makes me happy I have stayed away "in droves"

Richard Bancroft 05-28-2011 08:59 AM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
This television advertisement condones alcoholism.


Pastor Ezekiel 05-28-2011 10:51 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard Bancroft (Post 757207)
This television advertisement condones alcoholism.


I can't understand a word it's saying. :huh:

María Gálvez-Villalobos 05-28-2011 11:06 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 757398)
I can't understand a word it's saying. :huh:


She say she don't like tea - she prefer gin.

(You're welcome)

:innocent:

Brother Harold Porter 05-29-2011 02:17 AM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face.™
Quote:

It's going to get messy.™
Attachment 16538

I love a good burger and some french fried potatoes, but I'll never give this company another dollar.

The lewd slogans suggest an endorsement of the filthy homosexual lifestyle that I left behind many years ago when I found Jesus Christ.

No thanks.:thumbdown:

Richard "Why" Mayweather 05-29-2011 09:05 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
All this time I never noticed that these slogans could be interpreted in such a way.

Callisto 06-03-2011 04:16 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is!

Johansen 06-03-2011 04:53 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
The slogan for the Norwegian dairy company "Tine":
"Must have it, just must have it!"
This slogan pops up while we are shown milk being poured in a glass, usually with (male) children being featured. It is quite obvious what sick subliminal messages they are trying to give!
<_<

Bobby-Joe 06-03-2011 05:39 PM

Re: Advertising Slogans That Have Offended Me Over the Years
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Callisto (Post 759603)
Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is!

Now that is childish! Leave to an ATHEIST to see some hidden meaning about something when its clearly not meant. I suppose you also snicker when Officer Richards stokes his baton and says "I am going to give those boys a real mouthful"?

You're sick, like any godmocker, Callisto.


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