RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Brothers,

Due to America's draconian anti-marriage laws, which spit on God's Law as set out by Deuteronomy 22:28-29, I have no wife to cook for me. This has resulted in many "disasters" (as women call spilled milk) but nothing as bad as what happened to me today.

I was frying some hamburger paddies, when I remembered that a friend had given me some cherry-tomatoes which his wife had planted in the garden, and which for obviuous reasons he didn't want to eat. Well, I only had two little paddies, so I tossed the cherry-tomatoes in there with them. BIG MISTAKE!

When I ate the hamburger paddies, they were as good as ever, just as good as those Abel would have given to God. But when I bit into the fried cherry tomato....

I WAS RAPED!

The tomato ejaculated a wad of warm slime into my mouth, in the same amount as an actual ejaculation would. It was the perfect simulation of being on the giving end of fellatio!

Brothers, this is what vegeterians want to inflict on your wife and children. They want explosions of warm slime in your son's mouths. They want your daughters "experimenting" with oversized, dark-skinned cucumbers.

THEY HATE AMERICA!

Brothers, Vegetables are the "gateway experience" leading to all types of lust and perversion. we must STOP VEGETERRISM! It's a thin and fuzzy area between putting a cucumber into your mouth, and putting a penis into your mouth. We have to draw the line somewhere. If it's beef or beer, it doesn't go into your mouth. Period.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

I can't think of a single vegetable that does not appeal to the prurient interest. They should be outlawed completely. :thumbdown:

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

I hate tomatoes.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Trent,

I'm not going to use such a harsh term as "spoiled goods", but it really wouldn't hurt your reputation to provide a doctor's note certifying you as a heterosexual. It will help the healing process for all of us, I think.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

+1 They are of Satan.

Before the Founding father arrived and cleanse America, the fruit of these horrible weeds was known as "the Love Apple". The Lord Himself only knows what happened as people ate this.

In Arabic, the word is "badurah". When trying to create a Hebrew word for this fruit, Eliezer ben Yehuda preferred transliterating the Arabic over what eventually became the Hebrew* word "'agvaniah". Ben Yehuda's objection is quite clear, as the latter word comes from the same root as "'agevet" - Hebrew for syphilis.

Just think what you're eating.

*The original language of the OT.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

I refuse to eat tomatoes because they look like a baboon's buttocks. :thumbdown:

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Those Vegeterrorists are worse than Mooslum suicide bombers.

Attachment 17063

Bretheren, we need to keep a look out for this kind of thing :fear2:

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

I never seen any vitamins in vegetables.
Vitamins are another lie to trick people into vegetarism.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

This word is an anagram for "ah... vagina", and as such must be an intentionally placed subliminal message insidiously designed to lead the Jews away from God's holy plan for them. No wonder they killed Jesus. :thumbdown:

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Back in the day it was actually against the law to eat tomatoes. I'm hoping the GOP will put this back in their platform this year.

Anyway, it is a well-established fact that vegetarianism is directly linked to satan worship and bestiality. :rtfm:

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

This is pretty much why I have my wife chop all my bananas into little cubes. Too many painful memories from before I was cured of sodomania and Saved™ on October 17, 1998.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Bananas are probably even more wicked than tomatoes. They were specifically created for ramming up the ass by Satan!

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Tomatoes are like catholics, not even remotely what most think of them to be. Tomatoes are fruits really, not vegetables. It's like that darned strawberry, actually a vegetable but pretending to be fruit. Ah, the hideous trickery of Satan.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Plants are not to be trusted.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

I struggled for a long time to reconcile my beliefs with my love of tomatoes - you'll be glad to know I know only have them in soup form, and am slowly replacing them with more nutritious foods.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Brother Harvey, you may think about your legal chances. A direct lawsuit against the rapist is out of the question; the defense will surely claim his unaccountability - as usually. A better chance would be action against the government of the US of A for not protecting you from the dangerous minority.

But before that...

I need to ask you a hard question: were you - deliberately or not - dressed in a manner that could have been considered as sexually provocative?

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

You foolish people, the tomato is a most noble fruit, given to us by our Lord so we may make the Holy sauce in his honour.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

The only fruit around here is you. Why don't you go walk the plank or something? :angry:

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

I know you have a somewhat tenuous grasp of the real world but even you must be able to see that I am not the ripened ovary of a flowering plant, containing one or more seeds.

Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM!
 

Tomatoes are vegetables. Are you stupid?