Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Folks -

As recent events have demonstrated, Homers come in all different flavors.

Ted Haggard, a virulently anti-Homer evangelist, turned out to be having a gay old time with a male prostitute! An NBA star has revealed his secret identity as Butt-Man!

Indeed, the old days of looking for the man who helps your wife pick out clothes, or the woman who can fix your car, are over. Homerism has invaded every level of society, thanks to aggressive marketing campaigns telling all sorts of people that Homerism is HOT!

So, let's compile a list of the signs that a friend might just be a Homer, shall we? As they come in, we can discuss their validity, then add them to the list.

Men:

Obsession with sports, particularly those which involve men in tight clothing rolling about.
Excessive knowledge of Joan Crawford movies.
Collections of Barbie dolls, tools, or sex toys.
Bodybuilding
Regular camping trips or "Boys Nights Out"


Women:

Extreme masculinity or femininity (lipstick lesbianism)
Stuffing of pants with socks
Enjoyment of movies like Thelma and Louise

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Rat tails, shemullets and plaid shirts are often sign of lezbeans Brother.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

If your son or daughter thinks that the comedy stylings of Ellen Degenerate is funny, they are most likely a homosexual.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

If you're in the Papist cult and are even considering a life of "celibacy", you're likely a homer. If you actually take the vow, then you're definitely a homer. I didn't know anyone who wasn't a dyke in the convent!

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Drive foreign cars
Can't shoot straight
Don't know how to dress out a deer
Don't know how to change oil
Drink funny coffee (skinny flat what?)
Smell too purdy!
Can't keep their eyes above a man's belt buckle.
Sing Madonna songs (this makes me ill)

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Barbera Streisand
Cher
Track Lighting

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Belongs to the ACLU
Belongs to the Demoncratic party
Worries about their socks matching their shirt
Thinks euros are sexy
Sends flowers to their father for holidays
Wears thongs with dress pants (male)
Thinks freedom of speech includes performing felatio in public (male)
Thinks Hellary Clinton is feminine

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Displays an obsession with destroying the holy sanctity of marriage and the family.
Likes wearing dresses (male) and throwing rocks at the police (male and female.)
Drinks cider (male and female.)
Engages in sodomy with members of the same sex.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Lips move along to the dialogue of The Wizard of Oz.
Has worn a scarf.
Takes the extra time to wash hands in public restrooms.
Raises gerbils.
Drives a car made in Europe or Japan.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Is an evolutionist.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Surely you don't mean that, BT!

Or is this one of those things that Pastor Zeke can do, too?

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Is Dutch

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Speaks French.
Pays more than $12 for a haircut.
Tips more than 15%.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Oh, GOD, could anyone be gay enough to think that?

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

is a Demoncrap

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Screams when you throw a baseball at him.

Wears clogs.

Drives a meticuosly clean Toyota Echo.

Wants a Gamecube instead of an Xbox.

Hangs out with his grandmother a lot.

Wears a dress shirt with jeans.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

:doh: How could I forget?

Listens to the Scissor Sisters

Thinks "Spicy Orange" is an acceptable colour.

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Good that I'm not Dutch then :thumbsup:

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

wears pleather pants or shorts
listens to musical stylings such as Barry Manilow and Air Supply
Gets manicures
Shops at Ikea
Is good at arranging Flowers

Re: Warning Signs: Identifying Homers
 

Wears a fanny pack.
Wears sandals.
Has long hair.
Has a mustache.
Clothes are loose and “romantic”
Clothes are too tight and reveling.
Shows little interest in women.
Shows excessive interest in women.
Has a high pitched voice.
Hair is excessively neat.
Comes from a country no American can find on a map.
Has weak wrists.
Wears pink shirts (because his wife "made" him)
Watches the Lifetime cable station.
Wife is aggressive and domineering.
Women enjoy his company and find him interesting.
Buys his cars because they are reliable and economical.
Lives in San Fransissyco (drag queen obsessed pervert)
Lives in London England (Royal Queen obsessed pervert)
Lives in Berlin, Germany (rubber obsessed pervert)
Lives in New York (Joo obsessed pervert)
Lives in Brussels, Belgium (vegetable obsessed pervert)
Any man who drinks tea mind as well have sucked on some guys unit.
The same with any guy who likes wine.