2018 Witch Hunt
 

That time of year friends, when everyone gets to see how many Witches they can bag. Six to sixty (actually no age limilt) can play. Entire carcassess must be presented and properly tagged for credit.

No covering with a sheet and having the left toe tagged and then exposing the right toe and trying to get a second tag. Not pointing any finger, Brother Haggard, but you get the message.

We reserve the right to ensure the Witch is actually dead and not just drunk. Mrs. Johnson was quite upset last year during the verification process she came to during the dunking.


Contact Miss Cookie at the Church office for your permit and log book.



Locked and loaded! I am so proud of my boys!

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Sign me up! I've been (w)itching for this all year. :D:thumbsup:

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Brother Hutchins, your boys are so cute! The one on the left (sorry, it's unforgivable of me, but I forget his name) looks so very much like ALL my own boys at that age that you could almost mistake them for brothers.

Do we have a firm date for this year's hunt? My husband needs to be able to clear his diary, if possible.

I will contact the office, always assuming Cookie is answering the phone. I haven't succeeded in getting through to her for several years now. Does she have international calls blocked?

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Someone borrowed my 30mm GAU-8 Avenger autocannon but I can for the life of me not remember who.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Your log book has to be signed off no later than noon, 11/1/2018. Standard rules apply to verification. Reasonable mistakes will not be counted and they will not affect in a negative manner your final tally. No witches eliminated prior to 10/24/2018 will counted. Any withecs much have irrefutable proof of being around on 10/23/2018. Selfies, and pen/pencil drawings of them stirring cauldrons, Flying on broomsticks, casting spells or doing anything unChristian are required.
Miss Cookie no longer personally answers the phone due to a stalker. Apparently she has taken to staying in the Janitors closet in the Church and only comes out at night. REst assured, her business is being attended too Pastor Ezekiel has personally assured me of the Churches perpetual care.


I'll look around and see if it is in my truck, there is a bunch of iron back in the sleeper. I do recall loving holding it. If I find it, I'll let you know.


Note: People, we must have entire bodies and they must be identifiable as such. No 55 gallon drums full of visceral ground up.
This is a perfect example of we want to see for your KJV Log Book:

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Attention: All Ammo and gunsmithing done by Bobby-Joes Armory® on the corner of Esclattes and Deuteronomy Avenues will get a 10% discount with proof of paid to date Tithes and a valid Witch Hunting license for THIS year for all munitions and weapon tuning now through 10/25. This includes night vision scopes, re-barrelling, bump-stocks and Bobby-Joe's hand polished "No jam"100 round Mini AR15 barrel magazines.
As in the past, you can also buy Blue Ribbon ammo certified as God Friendly™ by a Church Pastor. I particularly like the 'Nevr-Mis' 12 ga rounds. They make a mess but the tykes love to scrounge up the splattered bits. Do not forget tracer rounds. Give the Devil his due!:devil:

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

It's come to my attention some of you are forging fake Witch Hunting Permits. Don't jew Jesus!!:angry: This years proceeds directly supports the 2019 Seal Clubbing Expedition in Labrador, Canada.

I found this obvious forgery and quite honestly, you all can do better than this:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DnL9ME9X4AIDvtR.jpg

Also, just because you have a valid licence, nowhere on that license does it permit you to rape a witch prior, or after, the kill. Hex removal and genital boils are not covered by your Landover Medical Insurance. NO RAPING!!:nono:

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

I'll win this year, as I always do. You may think that I'm the underdog this year here in DC. But lemme tell you that some of the White House female staff are quite nasty hags and conjurers. :thumbdown: For every witch that I catch and that exceeds your quota, I'm expecting a decent increase in tithes.

Donald sends his love.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Oh Pastor, far from it - in fact, you'll be spoiled for choice!

:wub: Such a thoughtful gentleman, as ever! Please send him love and all our support from the (perilously few) True Christian™ folks here in England.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Mostly I do not want children in Freehold exposed to Halloween. But, this year, just for fun, I'm thinking of a Halloween contest.

Each child would be given a Hillary mask. It would be the child's task to come up with a unique witch's outfit to match the Hillary look.

I think it is never too early to start teaching children about history and who God likes and dislikes.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

I hope no one mistakes the children for a midget witch. Perhaps the kids could wear a button that says "Don't shoot me, I'm not a witch." But then the real witches might latch onto those buttons in order to go about freely, so there's that. Here in New York City, parents don't care if their little hooligans run about in devilish costumes - it's encouraged. In the parade, even the pets are dressed up in evil garb. Preteen and teenaged girls wear the most whorish of outfits. I will, of course, be attending the parties at the homer establishments in order to turn this into a day for Christ.


I can't decide whether to go as Billy Graham or Paul Crouch. Ooooh! Is there an Ezekiel Flint costume available?

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Oh geez, what are the rules exactly? Does it have to be firearm kill only? I have terrible aim. Would it be considered cheating to sprinkle insecticide on their altar/feasting grounds?

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Attention: As a prelude to this years festivities, we are holding a practice this Saturday night down at the dump. You need to sign up and get a 'Witch Pass' available free with any pallet purchase of 7.62 or larger ammo fropm Bobby-Joes Armory or for a donaton over $100 to the Landover Chrystal Cathedreal fund for the 'Gold leafing the Pastors desk fund'.
As in the past, we will let loose a hundred nigas five minutes before sundown. The kids (please, no one over the age of 30) will use paint ball guns to hunt down the day-shines. Shooting will continue until either the jigaboo quits or is no longer able to move in a discernible fashion. Silver medallions inscribed with the 'kill count' on one side and Pastor Ezekiels likeness on the other side will be handed out at the end.:innocent:


Attention Blackies: All those that participate will get a free watermelon :watermelon:. Any nigra able to remain active in the game at the end (11:69 PM) will get a coupon for a bucket of KFC from the down town DesMoines KFC at 1/2 price.:thumbsup:


A reminder: Paint balls only, no 3/4" steel ball bearings wll be allowed. They present too much of a hazard when people are walking.


Let's make this a night to remember and most importantly, it is for a good cause.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Bobby-Joe has sold out of the blessed .50 cal belt feed ammo already. A reminder to those that stocked up on 'big lead'. All count is based on more than 60% of the witch being accounted for. You cannot produce a body from the waist up and a 'second one' from the waist down and have it counted as two kills. M18 Claymores, while fun, are a lot of work to aggregate all the bits, so keep that in mind.
Witch Ags™ will be available for sale the the next three Sundays after Church Services as you exit the lot. Each one will hold a witch and are Certified leak proof, so no more soiling the back of your Escalade. Platinum Tithers, your people will be issued a generous supply and they will be delivered to your armories.

Finally, the verification judges know the difference between hog flesh and with flesh.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Just a thought for next year..


An app for ios & android. We could geotag the hunt, report kills and get badges


Phil

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil Ander (Post 1239298) An app for ios & android. We could geotag the hunt, report kills and get badges.

I think there's already an app for JesOS, Brother.

But how about a junior app - sort of like Pokemon Go, but with witches? My husband has a firm rule (no live ammo in your weapons until your sixth birthday) and the littlest ones are always disappointed not to be able to join in the fun.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Women are so over protective! Children can only learn how to handle a weapon if they handle a weapon.



When little Elias gets their thumb web caught in the slide for the tenth time, they learn to use one hand. After a few black eyes from the kick of a 1911, a tyke learns that a little .223 is more fun for them (and cheaper on Dad's wallet too!).


You young people know all this computer stuff. I still use the tried and true million candle power searchlight to stun the witches and then the family lets loose.


The excitement is building! :thumbsup:

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Oh, Brother Hutchins, I don't have any say in the matter! The no-live-ammo rule was dictated by my husband, after a couple of unfortunate (and very expensive) incidents that are best forgotten. It boils down to "No live ammo until you are old enough to understand that your father's racehorses and prize Charolais bulls are not there for target practice." Six years old seems to be the age for that.


It doesn't stop them spear-fishing most nights, though. :thumbsup: There's a Beluga whale just up the estuary from us, though I'm rather hoping they don't find it as I am not some sort of Eskimo and wouldn't know how to cook it.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

Very reasonable. I have to admit, I've gone out to the'car barn' and found a few bullet holes in my cars, no doubt from high spirited horseplay as well.

I spoil my kids and none of the boys have to do 'barn duty' as shoveling manure and such is (as I am sure you understand) 'woman's work' that is part of making them attractive to a potential husband. The Hutchin's boys all learn how to run a company and mange people. Seeing the little tykes up on the 'boss man' cart, yelling instructions through a bull horn at all the field workers, makes a daddy proud.


Whale hunting, that sounds like fun! I imagine everyone 'gets a hit' with one of those beasts.We tried our hand at seal hunting last spring in California. We used sledge hammers. Some crazy people yelled at us about 'clubbing' the disgusting animals. Such idiots.


Anywho, I am looking forward to seeing your families talley. It is all about togetherness,the family unit and most of all, showing our love to Jesus.

Re: 2018 Witch Hunt
 

I have been asked to reply to the following letter on behalf of Pastor Flint.

Dear Mrs Brown,


Thank you for your letter of 12th October. I do apologize for the errors of Bobby-Joe. I can fully understand why you were upset: the correct legislation is, in fact, Section 1341(f)(iv) and not as quoted. I will ensure that Bobby-Joe is made aware of this.

I enclose your application form for a Witch Hunting Permit (2018) Unrestricted and the new Tithing form.


Yours in Christ,