| Jeb Stuart Thurmond |
01-04-2019 05:08 PM |
I'm working on a form letter for newbies
1 Attachment(s)
A work in progress. :innocent:
The idea is that the irrelevant parts get crossed out and the relevant parts get bolded:
Greetings and God Bless:- Fellow True Christian
- Suspected False Christian
- Confused Lost Soul
- Unidentified/Unclassifiable Unsaved Trash
- Satanic Puddle of Vile Darkness
Please read and understand:- The basics of civilized discourse. Our policy on cyber-bullying.
- The answer to your unoriginal question, see Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, Republican Search engine, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
- Our Terms & Conditions:
Quote:
Forum Terms & Rules Please take a moment to review a brief history of Landover Baptist and the rules detailed below. You MUST agree to them in order to proceed with your registration. To cancel this registration, simply hit the 'back' button on your browser. Landover Baptist Church is nearly as old as America itself. Our community has served as the moral compass for our great Christian Nation for nearly 217 years. Our initially sheltered society of Fundamentalists is still a heavily gated religious community but it has grown to over 52,000 members with a large presence on the Internet. Church members provide support, prayer, and firm rebuke to those of us who are called by Jesus to wander beyond the walls of our gated Christian community in Freehold, Iowa. We invite you to join us with a sense of fellowship that you are among brothers and sisters who wish nothing more than to share the good news that Jesus Christ is going to send every single person on Earth who doesn't believe in Him, straight to Hell. If you are saved, please feel free to interact with us. If you are unsaved, please leave now. Sometimes the Devil and his minions creep into our message boards to try to slander us and mock us. Be warned that the messages you read here express the views of the author of the message, not the views of the Landover Baptist Church Community. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact us immediately by email. We will print the message out and pray over it. If Jesus tells us that it is offensive, we will use His holy power to remove it. We will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this bulletin board to post any material which questions Landover Baptist Church beliefs, or questions the God given authority of Landover Baptist pastors and/or church members. We are here to root out evil, expose false religions, and fellowship under the protective umbrella of the largest, most powerful assembly of worthwhile Christians to ever walk the earth - The Landover Baptist Church. Thank You, and you are welcome. We ask you to register for your protection. We operate in conjunction with the Department of Faith. You consent and specifically permit us or our agents the right to turn on your computer, microphone, video camera or any other device remotely and without your knowledge. You grant us permission to read your messages, email and do forensic analysis on your computer and physically search your dwelling, property, place of abode, vehicles(s) or other mode of transportation and those of your friends, relatives acquaintances (and neighbors within a reasonable distance) without further legal requirement. We will never sell or reveal your email address to anyone for any private or commercial purpose, so help us God! Terms of Service Within this section, the words "Landoverbaptist, et al. , "we," and "us" refer to the publisher of all content on Landoverbaptist, that party's assigns, affiliates, devisees, subrogees, mortgagees, predecessors-in-interest, successors-in-interest, corporate alter egos, parent corporations, subsidiaries, limited partners, officers, and trustees, et al. which holds the right to transmit on Landoverbaptist, et al. and this forum (the "Site") all of the materials contained in the Site. The word "you" shall refer to the user, and that party's assigns, affiliates, devisees, subrogees, mortgagees, predecessors-in-interest, successors-in-interest, corporate alter egos, parent corporations, subsidiaries, limited partners, officers, and trustees, et al. The word "Materials" refers to any word, sound, image, file, data, or anything else contained in or generated by the Site. All content on Landoverbaptist, et al. is protected by federal copyright laws. Ownership and copyrights to all content on Landoverbaptist, et al. is retained by the creator(s). Inquiries regarding ownership of specific pieces of content may be made through prayer. When you use Landoverbaptist, et al. you are agreeing and consenting to these terms and conditions of use that we, at our sole discretion, may change in any way at any time. Your consent to these terms and conditions is herein described as the "Agreement." Thus you should read them with care and, from time to time, re-read them. If we make any changes, your continued use of Landoverbaptist, et al. signifies that you agree to them without the necessity for further or ongoing affirmation. If we make changes to the TOS and neglect, forget, or simply do not post said changes you are bound to them anyway. You have an ongoing obligation to keep yourself informed of the terms of the TOS in every particular. Every use of Landover Baptist shall constitute a constructive reaffirmation by you that you have kept yourself apprised of the terms hereof. If any term herein is deemed unenforceable, it shall be severed from this Agreement and the remainder of the Agreement shall continue in force. Limitations On Use Of Materials Contained in Landoverbaptist, et al. : You may, as long as you make no changes of any kind whatsoever, download onto a single computer a single copy of any Materials on the Site for your personal use only. This computer must be your personal computer in your home and you may not make any commercial, industrial, academic, or otherwise secular use of Materials that you download. Should you make any changes to any of the Materials you will be violating the copyrights of the owner(s) of the affected portion of Landoverbaptist, et al. Failure to prosecute even actually known violations of the copyright provisions herein shall not constitute waiver by us of any right hereunder. Aside from this provision (i.e. the downloading of a single copy) you may not copy, upload, transmit or distribute in any way any Materials contained in the Site, nor may you use them on any network of computers or any other Website. Should you download a single copy of any Materials, you do not own that copy. The copy you download (including the software and its accompanying data and any files) is, rather, licensed to you by Landoverbaptist, et al. on behalf of its owner/creator, who/which retains all title and rights to the Materials. Thus you are prohibited from distributing your copy or in any way changing the copy into any form that can be perceived by a human or any sentient being, known, discovered or created anywhere, from time to time and in perpetuity all throughout the universe until the death of the last living descendant of Ambassador Joseph P. Kennedy or for eternity plus one day, whichever is longer. Landoverbaptist, et al. makes no warranties of any kind (either expressed or implied) concerning the Materials on the Site. In fact, we disclaim the usefulness of any of the material contained herein for purposes other than those for which a court of law may determine has been authorized by statute or interim regulation. 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Limitation Of Liability: Landoverbaptist, et al. shall not be liable in any way whatsoever (including, but not limited to, negligence) for any special or consequential damages resulting from either your use of the Site or your inability to use it or from your use of any site linked from or to the site. This limitation includes any circumstance in which landoverbaptist, et al. or its representative has been advised of potential liability. Certain applicable laws may not allow all the limitations of liability described herein. Should that be the case, landoverbaptist, et al. And/or landoverbaptist, et al. Forum's total liability to you for losses, damages, causes of action, and/or negligence shall not exceed the total amount paid by you (if any) to access the site, excluding any tithes or donations you make to Landover, et al. or the Landover forum. Your fate rests solely with God, not us! 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We urge you to consult with your own lawyer for legal advice, your own broker for investment advice, a licensed therapist for counseling advice, your own doctor for medical advice, because you cannot and should not rely on any such communications offered here. You agree that only an idiot signs a document, either manually or through electronic means, without reading carefully and genuinely consenting to all terms thereof. If you are not a Baptist fundamentalist who believes the True Christians™ of Landover Baptist are the sole representatives of God's authority on earth and in the known and unknown universe, your soul is forfeit and you will be dismissed, damned, denounced, deported, defamed, harassed, harried, ridiculed, and otherwise rebuked to Hell as God commands us to do through his holy scripture! You have no rights whatsoever; we owe you no respect or equal time for your satanic beliefs and complaints to anyone except the supreme authority, God, are illegal, immoral, sinful and heretical! We do not hate anyone or preach hatred! We love and believe God's literal word as it is written verbatim in the KJV1611 (authorized) Bible. If God chooses to respond to any prayer from anyone in the universe, you agree that he speaks only through us. We are the respecter of no man or woman regardless of their race, color, religion (or lack thereof), creed, size, shape, intelligence, name, or any other feature or trait applicable to the species sapiens, or any other. By reading this, you hereby agree to grant Landover an unrestricted and permanent ownership and right to any material on any computer you own or operate, and any computers connected to any networks you may have access to, legally or illegally. This agreement is irrevocable. Landoverbaptist, et al. And its suppliers do not warrant the accuracy or completeness of the information, text, graphics, links or other items accessible via this site. Landoverbaptist, et al. may make changes to such information, text, graphics, links or other items at any time without notice. LandoverBaptist, et al. makes no commitment to update such information, text, graphics, links or other items. By simply having read at least ONE WORD of these terms of service you have already agreed to all them whether or not you register. You agree and undertake never to reveal a word of this secret TOS under penalty of immediate damnation. If damnation is not part of your belief system, you agree to convert to a belief system involving damnation. You agree that you do not access this site on behalf of a government agency, nor pursuant to any criminal conspiracy.
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Thank you for your:- unsupported opinion(s)
- empty slogan(s),
- Three Word Chant! Three Word Chant!
- repetition of one the same 3 out-of context Sunday-School scripture quotes that are the complete Biblical knowledge of every false-Christian
We have not been successfully manipulated by your use of the following slimey leftist rhetorical manipulation trick(s):To continue our relationship, please:- Send me your credit card information
- Tell us more about yourself
- Clarify where you stand politically
- Explain the main point of factual disagreement, and help form a base of agreed common ground
- Learn the basics of grammar, punctuation, and readable text
- Improve your English skills
- Wait for the drugs to wear off
- Wait for the drugs to kick in
- Pull the bone out of your nose
- Get on your knees and beg sweet Jesus for forgiveness
https://www.landoverbaptist.net/pict...&pictureid=752 |
