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-   -   Help me, im having unholy thoughts (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=11796)

Helpme 05-17-2008 04:23 PM

Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
:(

Im sorry if this post isnt in the right place or whatever, im new to this site.
I'll start with an introduction.

Im Dan and im 19.
Ive been skiing and playing soccer all my life, and i had a girlfriend for 2 years. We never had any premarital sexual contact.

She wanted to have sex and was pressuring me so i dumped her. When we broke up i was very distraught.

When my friends found out they tried everything to comfort me, especially a boy named charles. I dont know why but ever since, i cant get charles out of my mind. I think i have feelings for a boy.

Im a Homo. I hate myself and I've been asking Jesus to help me every night.

Has Jesus given up on me?
What do i do to get these faggot thoughts out of my head?

Marshall 05-17-2008 04:37 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Faggotry and skiing go hand in hand like blacks and crack. You need to stop skiing first and foremost, it only leads to neon winter wear and "snow bunnies" which is slang for oral sex with other men on the ski lift. Soccer is also very gay and should be avoided at all cost. Any game where kicking balls is the goal is clearly feminazi in nature.

Next you need to have a serious one on one with a Baptist preacher. Spend several hours poring over the Bible and begging Jesus to forgive you for making Him cry. Make sure it's a REAL Baptist preacher. You can tell if he's an actual believer if he reads and quotes from the King James Bible instead of one of them namby pamby annotated New Life Devil Bibles.

Thats a start at least.

Helpme 05-17-2008 06:26 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
ok, i hate skiing and soccer now. i dont want to be a pansy bitch. God hates those.

and i'll go to church and see a preacher.

..but what if i start having these unholy fag thoughts about the preacher?
i have always had feeling for older guys. :cray:

Glendora Christianson 05-17-2008 06:40 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helpme (Post 189386)
ok, i hate skiing and soccer now. i dont want to be a pansy bitch. God hates those.

and i'll go to church and see a preacher.

..but what if i start having these unholy fag thoughts about the preacher?
i have always had feeling for older guys. :cray:

I am so happy you were able to stop participating in Euro-homosexual sports. And I am reminded of how the Eurotrash have stolen our Godly name for American Football. You might find it helpful to spend more time watching Godly Football and learning to act like a real man by spending more time in sports bars.

As for the fear of preachers, Landover Baptist is the only church to guarantee certified heterosexual pastors. Each of our pastors has to pass a 151 point inspection prior to becoming a certified pastor. So when HE (Jesus) reaches out to you, you know its safe. COMFORTING MOTHER GLENDORA

Helpme 05-17-2008 07:11 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Thank you, Glendora, for the very supporting words. I think with Gods help i'm beginning to see that women are the right choice.

screw charles!



..oh charles.

JennyD 05-17-2008 08:56 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helpme (Post 189386)
i have always had feeling for older guys. :cray:

So, in your first post, you'd never had feelings for another male.

Now, you've ALWAYS had feelings for men.

Next, you'll be whining that God made you a homersexual so it's not your fault and He should love you just as you are, right?

The only hope for you is Mrs. Betty Bowers' BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homersexuals) program. Have a look at this forum's Straight 4 Jesus section, which is geared toward helping limp-wristed pickle smokers like you become men.

Mr Godwin 05-17-2008 09:26 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helpme (Post 189386)

i have always had feeling for older guys :cray:

What you need is a ride right up into the sky in that mysterious little flying number I discovered in the bushes backside of the driveway on my property the other night, young man! Yes sirree bob! Either that, or a smart slap upside the head to straighten you out right here on God's green earth just as fast as!

Either possibility just makes me smile, that's what! :rofl:

Helpme 05-18-2008 08:20 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JennyD (Post 189443)
So, in your first post, you'd never had feelings for another male.

Now, you've ALWAYS had feelings for men.


no, ive never had sexual feelings for another man. but i have always felt comfortable with older men. i used to volunteer at a retirement home.

i just dont know how to break it to charles.

should i tell him that if hes having fag thoughts that God hates him too?

should we go see a baptist preacher together?

i have a feeling that if charles doesnt turn to Jesus then he will try to seduce me and make me *filth removed*.

Marshall 05-18-2008 08:50 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
By all means let Charles know he will be going to Hell when he dies and that demons will rape him to shreds for all eternity because he has sex with men. Let him know about our church and ask him to join us in kicking Satans forked tail back to Hell where he belongs!

He can do that by tithing. Just have him click the Godly PayPal and make a generous love donation so that we may begin teaching him why God hates fags.

JennyD 05-21-2008 08:19 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helpme (Post 189869)
no, ive never had sexual feelings for another man. but i have always felt comfortable with older men. i used to volunteer at a retirement home.

Oh, good Lord, you've been sexually assaulting men with Alzheimer's?! :fear2:

Quote:

i just dont know how to break it to charles.
That you're an elderphile? :bad: Tell him you find his senile old granddad really hot. Then, when he runs off in tears and never speaks to you again, hi-tail it back here and join Betty Bowers' BASH program.

Eugene Hackwith 05-21-2008 08:37 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JennyD (Post 191485)
Oh, good Lord, you've been sexually assaulting men with Alzheimer's?! :fear2:


That you're an elderphile? :bad: Tell him you find his senile old granddad really hot. Then, when he runs off in tears and never speaks to you again, hi-tail it back here and join Betty Bowers' BASH program.

He better stay away from ME, that's all I have to say about that.

Robbie 05-23-2008 11:26 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Helpme,

Your problems are very distressing and most unusual. Sure, many Christians have battled Satan's tallywhacker and come out on top, but I doubt that there are many who have battled with the nemesis of homersexual age-related fetishism. Nevertheless, there is no evil that Satan can send that God cannot then overcome. With His help, you can get back on the "straight and narrow", as you put it.

As for this "Charles" person, I suggest you steer well clear of him. He is clearly a devious sexual predator who should be avoided at all costs.

I shall endeavour to help you through prayer.

Helpme 05-23-2008 11:39 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Update:
I asked charles to come with me to see a baptist preacher and charles told me that he was athiest (satanist) and he didnt want to go to church. And i told charles that he was going to fag hell. and i went to see the preacher.

The preacher was an awesome man who helped me realize how gross being gay is. He also suggested joining a youthgroup for my age group which only has 5 members. i thought, "hey, i could use some God loving friends to help me through this" and i joined. When i went for the first meeting, i noticed that i was the only guy in the group. i get to hang out with 4 other really attractive girls every thursday night, and the best part is, all of them love Jesus! Woohoo!

Thanks to everyone who gave me advice.

JennyD 05-24-2008 02:11 AM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
That's wonderful news, Helpme!

Now, have you gathered some nice fist-sized rocks so you and your "girlfriends" may stone this homer Charles?

Millia 06-17-2008 03:27 AM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Helpme (Post 189346)
:(

Im sorry if this post isnt in the right place or whatever, im new to this site.
I'll start with an introduction.

Im Dan and im 19.
Ive been skiing and playing soccer all my life, and i had a girlfriend for 2 years. We never had any premarital sexual contact.

She wanted to have sex and was pressuring me so i dumped her. When we broke up i was very distraught.

When my friends found out they tried everything to comfort me, especially a boy named charles. I dont know why but ever since, i cant get charles out of my mind. I think i have feelings for a boy.

Im a Homo. I hate myself and I've been asking Jesus to help me every night.

Has Jesus given up on me?
What do i do to get these faggot thoughts out of my head?

The first step to your healing is to love yourself. Love yourself, not of the thoughts you have, but the soul. If you hate yourself, you will not be able to fully get over it. It will be like a bad memory. Seek love after your entire being is fully ready for it.

Pastor Ezekiel 06-17-2008 03:32 AM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Millia (Post 201457)
The first step to your healing is to love yourself. Love yourself, not of the thoughts you have, but the soul. If you hate yourself, you will not be able to fully get over it. It will be like a bad memory. Seek love after your entire being is fully ready for it.

That's the worst advice you could possibly give lady. Read what the Bible says on the subject.

Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Since you are unsaved scum and a woman too, I'm issuing you a batch of infraction points for willfully attempting to lead this sinner to satan. :angry:

Millia 06-17-2008 03:42 AM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 201459)
That's the worst advice you could possibly give lady. Read what the Bible says on the subject.

Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Since you are unsaved scum and a woman too, I'm issuing you a batch of infraction points for willfully attempting to lead this sinner to satan. :angry:


My apologies, Reverend. I did not mean to offend. I just feel that Jesus is the way. He preaches love, not foul comments. I find it sad that people here say many mean things to a person who clearly needs help. I was simply trying to guide him through a healing process. I by all means did not wish to try to lead him to Hell. I was trying to help, but I guess it was the wrong kind. :( Forgive me, oh Lord!

Pastor Ezekiel 06-17-2008 03:47 AM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Millia (Post 201465)
My apologies, Reverend. I did not mean to offend. I just feel that Jesus is the way. He preaches love, not foul comments. I find it sad that people here say many mean things to a person who clearly needs help. I was simply trying to guide him through a healing process. I by all means did not wish to try to lead him to Hell. I was trying to help, but I guess it was the wrong kind. :( Forgive me, oh Lord!

Apology accepted. Now why don't you proceed to the "introductions" section of our Godly forum and tell us about yourself. We'd like to welcome you properly.

Brother Temperance 06-17-2008 03:32 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Millia (Post 201457)
The first step to your healing is to love yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Millia (Post 201465)
My apologies, Reverend. I did not mean to offend. I just feel that Jesus is the way.

Yes, Jesus is the way, individual self-reliance is not. As long as we are full of love for ourselves, we will never manage the humility of spirit needed to genuinely repent and turn our lives over to Christ. Self-belief and belief in Our Lord are incompatible.

Bob4God 06-17-2008 05:19 PM

Re: Help me, im having unholy thoughts
 
I think this clearly illustrates the problems facing people today. We live in a society full of resources, 'knowledge' and science that makes it so easy for us to believe we are self-sufficient. We are tempted to rely on ourselves and our fellow, sinful humans for support and solutions to our problems.

The ONLY way is through JESUS CHRIST, and until we all learn that we are unworthy, foul-smelling pieces of garbage at the feet of JESUS CHRIST until He washes us in his warm, sweet blood, we are going nowhere fast except the lake of fire.


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