Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Good evening, ladies! I have wonderful news for you! I have a suitor and he seems like he could be, to use the words of sinful romance-believers, "the one"!

His name is John and he’s 30 years old. He has blond hair and blue eyes (like Jesus) and he’s a great (but straight) admirer of Pastor Ezekiel. He loves steak, pie, and hunting. I met him last week and he says that despite my advanced age and wasted childbearing years, I'd still make a great wife.

There aren’t a lot of Godly men in my area, so please pray this this courtship ends in marriage soon.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Praying for you. But something tells me this guy is a closet homosexual using you as cover to deceive the community. Has he shown any interest in your feminine charms? You mention he has a fondness for pie - that's good! - but would he actually eat it? Or does he hanker for casserole.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Thank you for your concern, Brother! He told me that I'm the prettiest woman he's ever seen, which I think is strange because his previous wife (she died giving birth, so there's no adultery to worry about) had blonde hair and blue eyes. As for your question about pie, he had 2 slices of the apple pie that I made when he came over for dinner on Friday. I don't think he likes casseroles.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

He sounds a bit desperate. Is he so very unattractive himself, or is it that childcare is very difficult to obtain in your area?


Tell us, how many children does he have already - boys or girls and how old are they? I took on three :fear2: stepdaughters aged 4, 2 and 1 when I married, in (only very vaguely) similar circumstances to your own. They were frankly a bit of a nuisance, but fortunately they were well provided for financially and there was no difficulty in arranging early marriages for them.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

He's not unattractive at all. He's not drop-dead gorgeous, but he is a looker. He has a six year old son and a four year old daughter, but since his late wife's parents disagreed with his use of corporal punishment, they called CPS on him and they were put in the foster system and he has no idea where they are. I know he misses them and is eager to start a family with someone whose parents won't report him to the authorities for following Proverbs 13:24 and 23:13.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Sister,

I am pleased beyond measure that someone was willing to take you for his bride. Surely Jesus is beaming and anxious to plant soldiers in your womb. I would have your father set the date soon. We have kept Christ waiting long enough.

BrotherLarry

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Thank you, Brother! I'm praying that we'll be married before the end of the year! Also, John would like me to tell you that he greatly admires the work that you've been doing with the g*y communities.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Brother Larry is an ex-catholic, Esther, not an ex-joo. As such, he does not call people goys.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

I am well aware of that, and that's not the word that I'm censoring. The word that I censored is the three-letter word for "homosexual". John doesn't like that word and has requested that I either not use it or use an asterisk in place of the "a".

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

It touches the cockles of my heart that you take time to remember things about me, sister.

I know God rewards us for these small things.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Esther,

Try not to correct our darling Sister Joanna. As a True Christian™ she has the Holy Ghost on her side.

But on another topic, John has interest in my gayvangelization? Does he speak of me often? Have you met his male friends? What are they like?

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Thank you, Brother Larry. :wub: Little Hannah sends you her "best love" - she really is quite taken with you, bless her! When I mentioned this to Matthew, he just laughed - I guess because she's only 10 years old? Little does he know that I resolved to marry him when I was only 4.

In that case I'd just call them homosexuals - if that's a bit hard to spell, homers would do. It's interesting that John is so keen to control your vocabulary, even before your official betrothal. What does your mom think of him?

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Yes, he does. He and some friends (that I haven't met yet) saw you evangelizing during a Chicago Pride event when they were trying to save a (now former) friend from Satan's grip. John wanted to approach you to ask you about your pants and jacket, but you were in the middle of laying hands on a man who, in his words, "really needed God's love" so he decided to leave you alone.


I'm not fond of either word (and neither is my father, but to a lesser degree), but if my potential future husband (please, God) wants me to use them, I guess I'll have to get used to it. My mother loves him and thinks he's much more polite and genuine than Samuel was.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

I'm sending prayers for your future marriage.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Thank you, Sister!

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

What wonderful news! May your womb bear many sons as warriors for our Lord! :wub:

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Esther, dear,


Unless your husband was a True Christian™ I wouldn't have let him near me. Unless he was one of the sodomizers I was trying to bring to Jesus.


I'd get Daddy to get that date set NOW. I don't think you could take more heartbreak, girl.


JOANNA :wub: Tell little Hannah Unka Lar loves her like the Queen loves her Corgis. She's my princess. Um, how are the boys? I'd love some recent pictures. Tell Matthew I said a brisk hi.


BrotherLarry

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Thank you, Sister!

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

Since John can't stand it when people question his pure white, non-Mexican heritage, Esther is (sadly) single again. With that said, there is a Godly young man a little closer to her age who asked about her after she started courting John, so I'll be giving him a call within the next few days to see if he's still interested. Please pray that he's still available and will end up proposing.

Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor!
 

So very racist of him. :thumbdown: I meet people like that all the time. Bleaching their hair blonde, wearing blue contact lenses, and spending tons of money on carcinogenic skin bleaches. Very pathetic.