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-   -   Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=95477)

Jesus 12-25-2013 06:34 PM

Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.

You know my family had to flee Bethlehem because Herod wanted to murder me. But of course we decided to stop at the temple in Jerusalem so my mom and stepfather could dedicate me.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Since it is my birthday, I will answer you. :innocent:

Attila's Wife 12-25-2013 06:53 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Beloved :savior-fancy:

This is more of a prayer than a question, but may I beg you to forgive Brother Wide-Open for whatever it was he did that caused this to happen on this, the Holiest of all days?

Also, if I may be permitted a simple question, what is your favourite pie?

Yours in Thee,
Attila's Wife

Jesus 12-25-2013 07:57 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Blueberry. They match my eyes. ;)

Next.

worthlessdavid 12-25-2013 11:24 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus (Post 1050905)
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.

You know my family had to flee Bethlehem because Herod wanted to murder me. But of course we decided to stop at the temple in Jerusalem so my mom and stepfather could dedicate me.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Since it is my birthday, I will answer you. :innocent:

I am wondering, did you make hell infinitely painful?

Also i am wondering why I have poor eye sight?.

1 more thing I don't want to forget John 4:1-3 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 , I don't want to mistakenly praise someone other than God.

Chester Longshire 12-25-2013 11:30 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus (Post 1050922)
Blueberry. They match my eyes. ;)

Next.

Dear LORD,

Did Elvis make it in?

I could not imagine heaven without getting live performances of "Jail House Rock."

Naomi Ruth Lamb 12-25-2013 11:59 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
A Frenchman, a Mormon, a Swede, A Canadian, a Messican, and Vanna White are in a plane crash. Who survives? We all know that there is nothing in the entire creation that is great and powerful as You. Why did you give Adam Levine acne? World peace is on everyone's mind. With a wink of Your lovely blue eye, You could bring peace. So, what's up with giving us the Kardashians? Wouldn't their elimination be a good first step toward a perfect world? How are Mary and Joseph? Does Your Mother despise Catholics, waking her at all hours of the night with their Hail Marys and Holy Queens? And has burying a statue of St. Joseph ever really caused a house to sell? Does Your Father have a favorite Wizard of Oz character?

Mrs. Paddy McIrish 12-26-2013 12:22 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Dearest :lord-fancy: Almighty,

If it please You, my King of Kings, the Lion, the Lamb, the Redeemer of all sinners, the truest Love of my heart, Keeper of my soul ... will Mr. McIrish and I finally be blessed with a Soldier of You of our very own unlike those six abominations from his heathen whore of an ex-wife who had the temerity to flout Your curse of infertility and involved secular scientists to conceive said monsters outside of her womb in a most arrogant and blasphemous fashion? :baby:

I would love nothing more than to present my dear husband with a REAL baby boy, born to serve YOU! :innocent:

With Humble Thanks and Ebullient Praise :notworthy:
Mrs. Paddy McIrish

Jesus 12-26-2013 01:01 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by worthless (Post 1050982)
I am wondering, did you make hell infinitely painful?

Yes, of course.

Quote:

Also i am wondering why I have poor eye sight?.
Because of your sins. Your masturbation makes me sick.

Quote:

1 more thing I don't want to forget John 4:1-3 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 , I don't want to mistakenly praise someone other than God.

Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

You are truly blessed.

Jesus 12-26-2013 01:02 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chester Longshire (Post 1050985)
Did Elvis make it in?

Don't be silly. Elvis had his reward on the earth. However, it did take two of my angels to throw that glutton into hell.

Jesus 12-26-2013 01:05 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Paddy McIrish (Post 1051003)
If it please You, my King of Kings, the Lion, the Lamb, the Redeemer of all sinners, the truest Love of my heart, Keeper of my soul ... will Mr. McIrish and I finally be blessed with a Soldier of You of our very own.

Yes, no or wait; is my answer. Maybe you should pray harder and I'll think more about it.

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-26-2013 03:54 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Dear Jesus, My Magnificent Manly Messiah,

How does gravity work? B)

Mrs. Paddy McIrish 12-26-2013 05:56 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus (Post 1051013)
Yes, no or wait; is my answer. Maybe you should pray harder and I'll think more about it.

Your whim is my command, O Mighty One. I will wear my knees out for You, hungrily waiting to receive Your Spirit as well as Your answer to my prayers.

P.S. I hope You had the most Blessed of Birthdays! Did You get everything You wanted? :smile3:

worthlessdavid 12-26-2013 06:11 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus (Post 1051011)
Yes, of course.



Because of your sins. Your masturbation makes me sick.



Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

You are truly blessed.

Well then for your birthday I will stop sinning (you might have to help me with that one)

You seem to know that I already believed. (hopefully if you are god you can at least be glad I was being cautious, because God is a jealous God)

Bjorn Jensen 12-26-2013 06:58 AM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Just to have it confirmed once and for all: what is your views on homosexuality?

arthur frayn 12-26-2013 05:02 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
What was the deal with YOU & satan & that schmuck Job??

MangyReader 12-26-2013 07:55 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus (Post 1050905)
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.


Wait... you remember your own birth? Yeah, that's pretty usual (?)


Anyway, I think I have a few questions for you, take your time, don't worry...


1.- Why women are portrayed like objects in the Bible? After all, Eve was just one women, I don't think all the gender must pay for one single person mistake


2.- Why beatings and spankings are, according to the bible, the best way to educate a child? I think parents can solve problems with words, not violence


3.- Why Christians must hate their own parents, brothers and sisters? I don't think God should divide their children if they already love him


4.- Is USA racism truly supported by the bible? Because for what I can see here, the country is very mean with mexicans, canadians, japanese, chinese and another people from another lands and languages


5.- Why God murder the people he created by himself? God is supposed to know everything about everybody, he should know when he creates somebody who's gonna be evil in the future


6.- Why you think only homosexual people has AIDS? Straight people can have it too, besides, is not a dicease you can catch like a cold or somethings like that, you must have sexual contact with a sick person or any kind of another contact to get the dicease too


Those are my doubts, I hope you can help me....

Jesus 12-26-2013 09:49 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark L. Snyde, PhD (Post 1051033)
Dear Jesus, My Magnificent Manly Messiah,

How does gravity work? B)

My invisible angels pull things to the ground. I think that's the way we set it up.

Jesus 12-26-2013 09:51 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Paddy McIrish (Post 1051042)
Did You get everything You wanted? :smile3:

Of course I did. I am omnipotent. I am really enjoying this square circle I created.

Jesus 12-26-2013 09:53 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ex-Viking (Post 1051054)
Just to have it confirmed once and for all: what is your views on homosexuality?

I think my buddy Paul wrote that down for me. You know he hated my followers before I came to him in a vision and turned him around in his thinking.

Too bad Dawkins won't admit that I have done the same with him.

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-26-2013 09:55 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus (Post 1051260)
My invisible angels pull things to the ground. I think that's the way we set it up.

Thank you for your answer, my Lord! :worthy:

I figured it was something simple and reasonable like this, rather than some demonic elementary messenger graviton invented to deny Your glory!

Jesus 12-26-2013 09:56 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by arthur frayn (Post 1051150)
What was the deal with YOU & satan & that schmuck Job??

My father/I wanted to test Job. You may think it was a crappy thing to do, but who are you to talk back to the omniscient creator of the universe?

I totally knew he would fail.

Jesus 12-26-2013 10:04 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MangaReader (Post 1051197)
Wait... you remember your own birth? Yeah, that's pretty usual (?)

Of course I do. Who do you think you are talking to here? :angry:

Quote:

1.- Why women are portrayed like objects in the Bible? After all, Eve was just one women, I don't think all the gender must pay for one single person mistake
Of course they all have to pay. We are punishing everyone for all eternity for what Adam and Eve did. Not just women, but they have it a little worse since they are the ones who sinned originally whilst having no knowledge of right and wrong.

Quote:

2.- Why beatings and spankings are, according to the bible, the best way to educate a child? I think parents can solve problems with words, not violence
You think do you?

Quote:

3.- Why Christians must hate their own parents, brothers and sisters? I don't think God should divide their children if they already love him
You don't have to hate your parents. You should honor your parents, unless they get in the way of following me. In that case, you should ditch them quickly.

Quote:

4.- Is USA racism truly supported by the bible? Because for what I can see here, the country is very mean with mexicans, canadians, japanese, chinese and another people from another lands and languages
Of course not. Racism is wrong. You shouldn't be mean to the lesser races. Except the blacks. They are being punished for what their ancestor did thousands of years ago.

Quote:

5.- Why God murder the people he created by himself? God is supposed to know everything about everybody, he should know when he creates somebody who's gonna be evil in the future
Free will.

Quote:

6.- Why you think only homosexual people has AIDS? Straight people can have it too, besides, is not a dicease you can catch like a cold or somethings like that, you must have sexual contact with a sick person or any kind of another contact to get the dicease too
Butt sex caused AIDS. Your own nasty sinful habits.

BobFaget 11-16-2015 03:53 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Dear god I have long list 4 Jew to read?

1. Why didn't u stop 9/11
2. Why did u make all these people and then have them go to other faiths

3. Why do u suck As a god, u have no superpowers

4. Why did u make satan

5. Why don't we all just get born in heaven

6. Why can't I eat a poppyseed bagel and not fail a drug test

7. Why did I create ***idiotic vocabulary removed by moderator***

8. Why is this list so long

9. Why didn't u kill the atheists before they are born

10. Why don't u ever ***more idiocy removed*** visits anyone

11. Why can't u gimme money

12. Why does the church abuse it's power

Aron the poof 11-16-2015 04:35 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Why don't you turn the other cheek?

Basilissa 11-16-2015 04:49 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobsaget (Post 1166745)
Dear god I have long list 4 Jew to read?

Sweetie, answers to all of your silly questions are in the Holy Bible!

:kjv1611-read:

Quote:

1. Why didn't u stop 9/11
Because He wanted it to happen:

Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the Lord hath not done it?

Quote:

2. Why did u make all these people and then have them go to other faiths
Because He didn't want the Hell that He made to remain empty, duh!

Ezekiel 20:25-26
25 Wherefore I gave them also statutes that were not good, and judgments whereby they should not live;
26 And I polluted them in their own gifts, in that they caused to pass through the fire all that openeth the womb, that I might make them desolate, to the end that they might know that I am the Lord.

Quote:

3. Why do u suck As a god, u have no superpowers
Of course He does! He knows everything and He made everything, what else do you need?

Quote:

4. Why did u make satan
As a playmate. Their favorite play is betting on peoples lives:

Job 1:6-12
6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.
7 And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.
8 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?
9 Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?
10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.
11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.
12 And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.

Quote:

5. Why don't we all just get born in heaven
Because God wants all of us to suffer and most of us to go to Hell.

John 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.


Quote:

6. Why can't I eat a poppyseed bagel and not fail a drug test
:facepalm: Because it has poppy seed in it, sweetie.

Quote:

7. Why did I create ***idiotic vocabulary removed by moderator***
Whatever it is, you're going to Hell for it, dear.

Quote:

8. Why is this list so long
Probably because you're dumb, dear.

Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

:giggle:

Quote:

9. Why didn't u kill the atheists before they are born
Why bother? They'll spend the eternity in Hell anyway. :thumbdown:

Quote:

10. Why don't u ever ***more idiocy removed*** visits anyone
Huh?

Quote:

11. Why can't u gimme money
Because you're a lazy unsaved trash, sweetie:

Proverbs 10:4 He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.

Quote:

12. Why does the church abuse it's power
And how is it doing it, exactly?

I hope that was helpful, sweetheart. :innocent:

Back against wall 11-16-2015 04:52 PM

Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Aron the poof (Post 1166754)
Why don't you turn the other cheek?

You're still here aren't you?

-------------------------------

Hi Jesus, hope you're well and not to over stressed.
God Bless. < - See what I did there? (Hahaha Jesus you made me such a kidder)

Talk tonight.
Love you.
Brother BAW :bye:


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