The Landover Baptist Church Forum

The Landover Baptist Church Forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumindex.php)
-   Bible in a Year (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=45)
-   -   Day 294. Mark 7-9 (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=100437)

Brother V 07-11-2014 03:05 PM

Day 294. Mark 7-9
 
Mark 7-9

Mark 7

2 And when they saw some of his disciples eat bread with defiled, that is to say, with unwashen, hands, they found fault.

The Pharisees and scribes were always looking for things that were doctrinally wrong with Jesus and the boys. Today they are mad that the disciples don't wash their hands before they eat. Jesus was like... "seriously, who cares???"

15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.

It doesn't matter what you eat, it doesn't matter what you read, it doesn't matter what you watch; it all depends on what you do with that.

17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.

These are the guys that Jesus picked. mormons.

18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;

Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive? Are you that dumb that you can't figure out what I'm talking about??? Idiots...

19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?

What you eat will be pooped out, it's what you store in your heart that matters.

21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,

22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.


So, it doesn't matter what you eat, see, watch... it only matters what you do.

24 And from thence he arose, and went into the borders of Tyre and Sidon, and entered into an house, and would have no man know it: but he could not be hid.

JESUS CHRIST CAN I GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET?!?!?!?!

Some woman had a daughter with an unclean spirit... of course.

26 The woman was a Greek, a Syrophenician by nation; and she besought him that he would cast forth the devil out of her daughter.

This is the first usage of the word Greek. Greece was mentioned back in Zechariah. It's amazing to me that the Jews never went anywhere on purpose. They just had people come to them (and conquer them).

27 But Jesus said unto her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it unto the dogs.

Jesus tells her a riddle...

28 And she answered and said unto him, Yes, Lord: yet the dogs under the table eat of the children's crumbs.

Jesus is like "you are smart i like you, i'm surrounded by idiots"

29 And he said unto her, For this saying go thy way; the devil is gone out of thy daughter.

He leaves, goes somewhere else, casts out a deaf guy with a speech impediment. So he heals him.

36 And he charged them that they should tell no man: but the more he charged them, so much the more a great deal they published it;

If Jesus had told people to go out and tell everyone, no one would do it. It's only when he says to not do it, that people go out and speak. Like the Great Commission. The world would be 100% christian today if instead it said "Don't tell anyone" instead of "Go ye therefore and teach all nations..."

Mark 8

1 In those days the multitude being very great, and having nothing to eat, Jesus called his disciples unto him, and saith unto them,

Another loaves and fishes miracle.

11 And the Pharisees came forth, and began to question with him, seeking of him a sign from heaven, tempting him.

12 And he sighed deeply in his spirit, and saith, Why doth this generation seek after a sign? verily I say unto you, There shall no sign be given unto this generation.


Jesus, at this point, is kind of looking forward to being crucified.

He gets on a boat, to get away. But, he's surrounded by mormons.

14 Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, neither had they in the ship with them more than one loaf.

Just moments after Jesus does the miracle that leaves 7 baskets (12 the first time) the disciples are worried because they only have one loaf of bread.

15 And he charged them, saying, Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, and of the leaven of Herod.

16 And they reasoned among themselves, saying, It is because we have no bread.


Jesus just fed 4000 people on seven loaves, and now the disciples are like "he's mad because there's 13 of us and only 1 loaf".

17 And when Jesus knew it, he saith unto them, Why reason ye, because ye have no bread? perceive ye not yet, neither understand? have ye your heart yet hardened?

18 Having eyes, see ye not? and having ears, hear ye not? and do ye not remember?


ARE YOU F'ING STUPID?!?!?!

19 When I brake the five loaves among five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? They say unto him, Twelve.

20 And when the seven among four thousand, how many baskets full of fragments took ye up? And they said, Seven.

21 And he said unto them, How is it that ye do not understand?


SERIOUSLY, HOW DUMB ARE YOU IDIOTS? YOU ARE THE BEST I COULD GET?!?!?!

Someone then brings a blind person to Jesus. B)

23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought.

24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking.


Still a little blurry. Here, let me try this... better or worse... better or worse... better or worse.

25 After that he put his hands again upon his eyes, and made him look up: and he was restored, and saw every man clearly.

That's fine. Lasik? more like LORDSpit!

26 And he sent him away to his house, saying, Neither go into the town, nor tell it to any in the town.

or, go ahead and tell everyone.

Jesus asks the guys who people think he is. They said John the Baptist, Elijah(Elias), or just some prophet.

29 And he saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am? And Peter answereth and saith unto him, Thou art the Christ.

Peter is like ... uh... Christ? Is it Christ?

Jesus says, don't tell anyone.

He tells the idiots that he's going to be killed, and rise again. Peter says "no, that's not gonna happen".

33 But when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he rebuked Peter, saying, Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men.

Jesus says Peter is just there in his entourage, he's not the rock star, he just rides on his coattails.

Mark 9

1 And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That there be some of them that stand here, which shall not taste of death, till they have seen the kingdom of God come with power.

So, the world's oldest person has got to be around 2000 years old, as the kingdom of God hasn't come yet.

2 And after six days Jesus taketh with him Peter, and James, and John, and leadeth them up into an high mountain apart by themselves: and he was transfigured before them.

There Jesus chats with Elijah and Moses. I'm surprised those guys were able to stay awake.

5 And Peter answered and said to Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here: and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias.

6 For he wist not what to say; for they were sore afraid.


And Jesus, Elijah, and Moses just looked at Peter like he had a penis coming out of his forehead. "Dude, seriously, wtf is wrong with you?"

7 And there was a cloud that overshadowed them: and a voice came out of the cloud, saying, This is my beloved Son: hear him.

8 And suddenly, when they had looked round about, they saw no man any more, save Jesus only with themselves.


Then Jesus says... don't tell anyone.

They still don't know what Jesus means when he says he's going to rise from the dead.

Someone brings Jesus a kid who is possessed. (Again, a whole lot of possession going on for this region.)

18 And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.

Idiots?

19 He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.

Dear LORD, take me now!

Jesus asks everyone to have Tinkerbell faith.

23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

25 When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.


And tinkerbell lived.

26 And the spirit cried, and rent him sore, and came out of him: and he was as one dead; insomuch that many said, He is dead.

How do we know people thought he was dead? Many said "he is dead". Thank you for the insight!

But he wasn't dead.

Jesus again tells them he's gonna die, but the idiots don't get it.

Jesus shows up and they all get quiet, and he's like "WTF are you guys talking about?!?!?!"

34 But they held their peace: for by the way they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.

"Not one of you mormons, that's for damn sure," Jesus thought. He riddles them about the first being last, and receiving the children.

38 And John answered him, saying, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us.

39 But Jesus said, Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in my name, that can lightly speak evil of me.


Jesus said "hey, if he successfully did it, then he's obviously on our team!" (Unlike you guys who couldn't cast out the last demon of the dumb kid!!!)

Now for the Hand cut off, foot cut off, eye plucked out part.

48 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

49 For every one shall be salted with fire, and every sacrifice shall be salted with salt.

50 Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another.


Salted with fire, I love smoked salt (it goes great on pork). (pork goes in, therefore it doesn't defileth.)

So what have we learned today?

1. Demons demons everywhere.

2. Jesus wants to be left alone for a bit, and is getting tired of having people blather on about his miracles.

3. Jesus is getting tired of the idiots that he picked as his disciples.

YIC
V


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:30 AM.

Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums 1620, 2018 all rights reserved