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-   -   Hula Hoops: Fun Toys or Fiendish Contraptions? (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=8811)

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 09:45 PM

Hula Hoops: Fun Toys or Fiendish Contraptions?
 
My routine sin inspection at my daughter's house uncovered something particularly sinister this week--a hula hoop artfully hidden in the garage beneath some cross-linked polyethylene tubing. Apparently my daughter and her hellbound husband secretly gave the despicable toy to my ten-year-old granddaughter as a birthday present earlier this week.

"What's the big deal if she has a hula hoop? They're harmless and fun," my whore of a daughter said dismissively.

"We might as well break her hymen right now," I screamed, pinning my granddaughter down. The cries and protests of my daugther and granddaughter moved me, and I restrained myself by simply beating them.

Friends, hula hoops essentially train children how to fornicate.

http://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...3/22480387.jpg

The above picture infuriates me. The little girl is swivelling her hips and becoming excited and uncontrollable. She is overcome with lust. More than likely she will grow up to be a harlot, all because of a "harmless" and "fun" toy. Here are some more youngsters on the fast track to being pimped by garishly-dressed Negroes.

http://mabryonline.org/blogs/pe/IMG_1268-1.jpg

I am old enough to remember the hula hoop craze. One couldn't step outside without seeing throngs of children and adults gyrating and shimmying. I still have nightmares. It was like being trapped inside of a porno film. Surely it was only by the grace of God that the rampant hula hoop orgy subsided.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, help me to preserve the integrity of young girls' cooters everywhere. If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did. The future of our great nation depends on it. Praise Jesus.

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 10:55 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 11:05 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148867)
So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.

I wrote, "If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did." You are an imbecile for concluding that I "turned a circular piece of tubing in to [sic] a linear piece of tubing." I will elaborate so that your tiny brain is no longer confused about the matter. I cut the hoop into pieces one half of an inch in length. I then proceeded to cut those pieces further, until the hoop was utterly destroyed.

Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice.

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 11:15 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 148873)
I wrote, "If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did." You are an imbecile for concluding that I "turned a circular piece of tubing in to [sic] a linear piece of tubing." I will elaborate so that your tiny brain is no longer confused about the matter. I cut the hoop into pieces one half of an inch in length. I then proceeded to cut those pieces further, until the hoop was utterly destroyed.

Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice.

I'm sorry Old Man H :(.

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 11:19 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148881)
I'm sorry Old Man H :(.

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Your effrontery and disrespectfulness have just earned you a heap of infraction points.

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 11:22 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
I apologise again H, I was just trying to be nice and look out for you.

Brother V 02-21-2008 11:25 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148881)
I'm sorry Old Man H :(.

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Old Man Hatchet a communist; HA!

That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist.
It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator.
It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English.

It's just baffling concepts.

YIC
V

Old Man Hatchet 02-21-2008 11:26 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148903)
I apologise again H, I was just trying to be nice and look out for you.

You WILL start referring to me as Mr. Hatchet! You are trying my patience and derailing my thread, boy!

Unfalsifiable 02-21-2008 11:33 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother V (Post 148908)
Old Man Hatchet a communist; HA!

That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist.
It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator.
It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English.

It's just baffling concepts.

YIC
V

Yes I do see my concerns were quit unnecessary now. But looking at his picture and reading his story (without the useful information of how many snips he gave to the hula hoop) I feared he might be getting a touch senile and start believing in collective living or something.


I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 12:13 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148919)
I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.

I am going to assume that you misspelled my name accidentally. If it happens again, there will be dire consequences. Try me.

Nobar King 02-22-2008 12:15 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable (Post 148919)
I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.

Are you a masochist?

Unfalsifiable 02-22-2008 12:42 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Yeah that was an error... I don't actually recall making that error...

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 12:56 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Lay off the pot, son. Doing so will improve your memory and your spelling.

Unfalsifiable 02-22-2008 01:06 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 148955)
Lay off the pot, son. Doing so will improve your memory and your spelling.

Yes, sir. I will, sir. And I promise not to post in this thread again.

WilliamJenningsBryan 02-22-2008 01:34 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
1 Attachment(s)
Amen Brother Hatchet! Once again you are on the forefront of bringing these abdominal abominations to our attention.

I have been repeatedly shocked at the late night fare on television and cable lately as the channels have given themselves over to a barrage of infomercials that hawk no end of scantily clad persons on devices that specialize in pelvic thrusting movements.

Attachment 3649

Oh sure, they bill themselves as "healthy" and "exercise", but we all know that all that excess thrusting is not necessary for procreation and bringing forth additional soldiers for Christ. "Ab Lounger" is nothing more than a euphemism for wanton fornication.

Daisy Mae Johnson 02-22-2008 02:10 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Poor Brother Hatchet. That whore daughter of yours causes you so much heartache and trouble.

Are you sure she and her husband haven't sinned bad enough to be stoned to death over?

I feel for your plight Brother. Let us know if you need any help with the stoning.

L:heart:ve, Sister Thumper

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 09:36 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Is it any wonder that the sodomizing, pedophilic, and otherwise thoroughly depraved ancient Greeks had hula hoops?

http://www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/images/HulaHoop.jpg

Friends, if hula hoops are not a sexual device, then why is this man naked? I rest my case. He also appears to be holding some kind of half-man, half-caterpillar creature in his left hand. A demon, no doubt.

Old Man Hatchet 02-22-2008 09:43 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde (Post 148998)
Poor Brother Hatchet. That whore daughter of yours causes you so much heartache and trouble.

Are you sure she and her husband haven't sinned bad enough to be stoned to death over?

I feel for your plight Brother. Let us know if you need any help with the stoning.

L:heart:ve, Sister Thumper

I am a patient, loving, and forgiving man. I am giving my shameless hussy of a daughter one more chance.

eliot mayfield 02-22-2008 09:50 AM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
http://www.backtobasicstoys.com/images/7367.jpghttp://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...7/22187730.jpg


Pictures say it all, don't they?

Juliette 02-22-2008 04:07 PM

Re: Hula Hoops
 
I discovered evidence of where exactly the hula hoop is leading the innocent young girl to.

Here.

Be aware the image is not suitable for minors and True Christian women. :ph34r:


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