The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornograpy!
Dear Friends,
Sometimes when I tell someone about my investment advice fee, they claim it is way to expensive and go elsewhere. Those people will never get rich. One very important aspect of becoming rich is to think and act like a millionaire. When you think like a low income loser, you will always be a low income loser. That is a harsh reality, but that is just how it works. A millionaire would not even think twice about my fee and that is one of the reasons he is a millionaire and not a low income loser. But while mostly the good things in life are very expensive, I am now going to give all of you something that is usually very expensive, for free! Just to thank you all for the very warm welcome I received in Freehold. This is a unique, once in a lifetime, opportunity that only a complete moron would turn down. What I am going to give you is completely recession proof investment advice, for free! And as we all know, since Obama started damaging our once great economy, just ordinary investments will no longer do the trick. Recession proof investments are amazingly easy. You just need to invest into three things: tabacco, arms and pornography. At first sight, that might not sound very Christian, but I assure you with some thorough Bible Study it will turn out that God fully approves! Which is also the most important reason these will be extremely successful long term investments! You are investing with God on your side! "The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD." (Proverbs 16:33) Tobacco shares are smoking! Now that the urban myth that smoking causes cancer has been rebutted by the Justice Department, those shares are only going to be doing better than they already did! When you look at the facts, you can see that tobacco stocks consistently outperform the market! "God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive" (Genesis 50:20) Investing in arms stocks requires strategic thinking. And again, when you look at the facts, you can see that arms stocks also consistently outperform the market! And the best part is that you are actively helping America killing the unbelievers, man, women and children, abroad! Just like God asks from us. "That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman." (2nd Chronicles 15:13) Pornography is a bit trickier, but financially even more rewarding. We are of course not allowed to watch pornography ourselves since "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). But just think about how this works. When you make money out of pornography you take money away from sinners and make sure you yourself, a Christian, gets it instead! Clearly God approves of you taking money away from a sinner and spending it in a Christian way instead! You would be making the world a better place! If you want to know how to invest in pornography and make some serious money that way, just contact me and we will discuss the details. And always feel free to contact me once you feel ready to start making some serious money! Like many others before you, I can turn you into a money magnet as well! Yours in Christ, Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D. Disclaimer: All investments involve different degrees of risk. You should be aware of your risk tolerance level and financial situations at all times. Furthermore, you should memorize the entire Holy Bible and read all transaction confirmations, monthly, and year-end statements. Read any and all prospectuses carefully and do extensive multi-year research before making any investment decisions. You are free at all times to accept or reject all investment recommendations made by me, although I have to warn you that you risk burning in Hell for all eternity when you choose to ignore my advice of hiring me as your investment adviser. All transactions I execute on your behalf are subject to market risk and may result in the entire loss of your investment. (For example: excessive withdrawals may result in the depletion of your account and also in the accumulation of excessive debt which will become entirely yours and your responsibility). Please understand that any losses are attributed to divine intervention or market forces beyond my control. As you know, a recommendation, which you are free to accept or reject, is not a guarantee for the successful performance of an investment and I am expressly prohibited from guaranteeing against losses arising from market conditions or the excessive fees you will have to pay me. |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
Whereas tobacco is a matter of free will and may in certain circumstances mean that you are Called to Glory earlier than expected, and whereas
Ex:15:3: The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name. is pretty clear as far as arms are concerned, I must condemn wholeheartedly anything and anyone who would possess pictures of men in the same photograph as women (save where they are married or under parental control.) I am told that this “pornography” often shows scenes of a racy nature, such as ladies in underwear together with men in sporting poses. There is no need for this on this earth and there certainly will be none of it in heaven where bits below the waist will be superfluous. Anyone found dealing in, possessing, buying, selling, reading, or even discussing or being told of such vile filth will be denied the taxation advice of our very expensive joo accountants and may have their seat at church auctioned off. |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
Dear Ezekiel Bathfire,
I am delighted to see my investment advice has piqued your interest! Can we have dinner, my treat of course, one of these days? You would be amazed at how much money you can make as soon as you have decided to become a money magnet. :thumbsup: Quote:
What always surprises me is how liberals, democrats or whatever communists are called nowadays, seem to think they have to invest in those silly Al Gore approved "green" funds. Falsely pretending you would gain some green dollars this way. As if the fact that Al Gore failed at stealing the election from our beloved George W. Bush wasn't enough evidence to completely ignore Al Gore for all eternity. Not only do green funds have a much lower ROI than the Christian investment portfolio, they even do worse than the market! And green funds are an insult to God. As if the earth He created wouldn't be capable of taking care of itself! :fear2: "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth." (Genesis 1:1) Yours in Christ, Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D. Disclaimer: All investments involve different degrees of risk. You should be aware of your risk tolerance level and financial situations at all times. Furthermore, you should memorize the entire Holy Bible and read all transaction confirmations, monthly, and year-end statements. Read any and all prospectuses carefully and do extensive multi-year research before making any investment decisions. You are free at all times to accept or reject all investment recommendations made by me, although I have to warn you that you risk burning in Hell for all eternity when you choose to ignore my advice of hiring me as your investment adviser. All transactions I execute on your behalf are subject to market risk and may result in the entire loss of your investment. (For example: excessive withdrawals may result in the depletion of your account and also in the accumulation of excessive debt which will become entirely yours and your responsibility). Please understand that any losses are attributed to divine intervention or market forces beyond my control. As you know, a recommendation, which you are free to accept or reject, is not a guarantee for the successful performance of an investment and I am expressly prohibited from guaranteeing against losses arising from market conditions or the excessive fees you will have to pay me. |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
Pastor Manning,
I am a bit confused with this advice you are giving away here I hope you can explain something for me. Are you telling us that we should take our money and invest it in any company that deals in the merchandise you mentioned or are you saying we give someone, like yourself, our money and you plan on investing the money in areas you feel are real money makers? I mean are you saying I should try to buy a ''Tobacco World'' franchise on the interstate or what? I will be in Freehold next week, should we sit down and talk investments or should I just contact the Tobacco Franchise myself? Thank You for Your Help. Benedict A. Davis |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
Dear Benedict A. Davis,
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The exception here is pornography. While you can buy tobacco and arms stocks yourself, I would not advice someone to invest in pornography without professional help. The risk of losing your express ticket to Heaven is too large. You need a religious and investment expert for that. Yours in Christ, Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D. |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
What about liquor and gambling?
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Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
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@ Pastor J.C Manning, MD, Ph.D. - I have around £31,000 in life savings I would like to invest with you which until now has been wasting its time in a bank. How quickly do you think I will be able to make my money back with your impressive strategy for beating the market? Money is starting to become a problem for me due to my generous tithing, so this really needs to work for me. :wacko: |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
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I have a large portion of my savings in a fixed return investment portfolio in a freeport bank set at 5% per annum, while not great it is steady and guaranteed. I have to decide soon to renew this or roll it over into something else. I will not discuss amounts in open forum as I am sure you will understand, but it is a fair amount. Should I renew this contract for another year or do you think the market is safe enough to take a bit more risk? If you think it is time for a change can we sir down and chat, I will be in Freehold by Friday and staying a week. I would be glad to share a meal and talk a bit of business, meal on me of course. |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
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Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornogr
Dear its_faith,
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Investing in liquor is no problem for Christians as Jesus used His Godly powers to mass produce alcohol (John 2:1-11). Investing in gambling is more complex and requires hiring an expert in both financial and religious matters. Lucky for you I am such an expert! If you can afford my investment advice fee I will help you becoming a money magnet. Yours in Christ, Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D. Disclaimer: All investments involve different degrees of risk. You should be aware of your risk tolerance level and financial situations at all times. Furthermore, you should memorize the entire Holy Bible and read all transaction confirmations, monthly, and year-end statements. Read any and all prospectuses carefully and do extensive multi-year research before making any investment decisions. You are free at all times to accept or reject all investment recommendations made by me, although I have to warn you that you risk burning in Hell for all eternity when you choose to ignore my advice of hiring me as your investment adviser. All transactions I execute on your behalf are subject to market risk and may result in the entire loss of your investment. (For example: excessive withdrawals may result in the depletion of your account and also in the accumulation of excessive debt which will become entirely yours and your responsibility). Please understand that any losses are attributed to divine intervention or market forces beyond my control. As you know, a recommendation, which you are free to accept or reject, is not a guarantee for the successful performance of an investment and I am expressly prohibited from guaranteeing against losses arising from market conditions or the excessive fees you will have to pay me. |
Re: The Christian investment portfolio: tobacco, arms and pornograpy!
I think Pastor Manning makes a lot of sense. The stock market booms and the stock market busts, but pornography never goes down. Why should the Jews get all of that money? Look at how much Donald Trump has invested in pornstars, yet nobody questions his dedication to Christian family values. It's not a savory business, but it's smart business.
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