I am not "Jeb the bike-seat-sniffing pervert"
 

Ladies,

You may have overheard some of the women spreading certain rumors. I know as ladies you already know not to pay any attention to what the women say, but I also know that your frivilous lady minds have a tendency to turn irrelevant chatter into overblown drama, which is then often confused with reality.

It seems the woman have misinterpreted a routine security check - standard operating procedure - which I call, for lack of a better term, "the skank check". It involves using the olfactory sense to scout a recently-sat-upon seat for evidence of harlot-odor, popularilty known as "skank". I do not inhale deeply in a sensuous way, I use the wafting technique and exhale immediately when I come across damning (literally) evidence.

There are two reasons this is done:

1. God tells us to separate ourselves from sinners, including harlots. (Romans 16:17:,1st Corinthians 5:11, 2 Corinthians 6:14–17, 2 Thessalonians 3:6) Obviously I have to find out who is a harlot and simply asking usually does not work.

2. God punishes not only sinners, but also innocent people who live near them, and their innocent children, and great-great-grandchildren yet to be born (Exodus 20:5, Genesis 3:16). When God punishes a city or nation, whether Egypt, Canaan, Babylon, New Orleans, New York, of (keep praying) San Fransisco, there are many innocent people killed, like babies for example (Exodus 11:5, Hosea 13:16, 2 Chronicles 21:14-15, Deuteronomy 32:17-25, Nahum 3:10). Separating myself from sinners is not just the Christian thing to do, it's also a form of self-protection, and my responsibility as a parent.

3. I can't sit in a chair that has been sat upon my a menstrating woman (Leviticus 15:19-24) and it's not polite to ask if she is in her unclean time.

And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean. And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even. - from Leviticus 15:19-30

So I don't want to overhear any more "there's Jeb the bike-seat-sniffer" garbage. I am working to keep us all free from sin, sinners, and God's wraith. Freedom isn't free™.

Re: I am not "Jeb the bike-seat-sniffing pervert"
 

Well,..thanks for the explanation Jeb. I will run it by the Pastors.

Was making Mrs Richards sit on the bike entirely necessary though Jeb? :huh:

Re: I am not "Jeb the bike-seat-sniffing pervert"
 

Maybe we could put you to work sniffing out the Platinum Tithers seats every Sunday before Services. :hmmm:




....that might be just the perk we need to double prices for the Easter Services....:gleam:

Re: I am not "Jeb the bike-seat-sniffing pervert"
 

Jeb, I do have to wonder . . . I mean, chairs and pews I understand . . . but how often were you planning to use the locked bicycles of Landover's female (and male) parishioners? :huh:

Re: I am not "Jeb the bike-seat-sniffing pervert"
 

Now you have me worried. My wife seems to be constantly in rag week and I make her sleep in the utility room but the thought that her Hellish Haemoglobulisationing may seep forth from her nethers on my fine leather furniture is a double wammy.

First the distress of knowing that skank can linger on fabric and second that I need to have my furniture fumigated regularly.

Not impressed.

YIC
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