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Pastor Ezekiel

02-04-2018 06:21 AM

The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Basilissa

02-04-2018 05:14 PM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Thank you, Pastor, for this very informative pamphlet. The entire Christian faith is based on alternative facts (such as 6-day creation of the world, flood that covered the whole flat earth, Jonah living in the belly of a fish and not getting dissolved by stomach acids, Jesus' life and temporary death, etc). Apostle Paul masterfully captured the essence of alternative facts in his first letter to Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 3:18-20
18 Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise.
19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.
20 And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.

1 Corinthians 4:9-10
9 For I think that God hath set forth us the apostles last, as it were appointed to death: for we are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men.
10 We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised.

Yes! let the whole world laugh at us for believing in alternative facts! We will be the ones laughing last, when all of these people will be scorched in the eternal hellfire!

Praise :jesus-fancy: for giving us all of these alternative facts to live our lives by! :wub:

Ezekiel Bathfire

02-04-2018 06:18 PM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

There are, out there, liberals, who use "alternative to mean "expensive, stupid, inefficient" as in "alternative fuels". These usually consist of Solar panels in Newfoundland or 600 foot windmills that will take a day or two to charge your phone and then fall over in flames. Another "alternative fuel" is methane from cow's asses- I'm not sure anyone but a hippy would want to eat things cooked with "cow-gas".

I point this out as the correct meaning is given in "Websters American Dictionary of The English Language" (1832) http://webstersdictionary1828.com/ it is a Bible based dictionary and gives

Quote:

Alternative

ALTERN'ATIVE, adjective Offering a choice of two things.

ALTERN'ATIVE, noun That which may be chosen or omitted; a choice of two things, so that if one is taken, the other must be left. Thus, when two things offer a choice of one only, the two things are called alternatives. In strictness, then, the word can not be applied to more than two things, and when one thing only is offered for choice, it is said there is no alternative.

As an example, it gives

Quote:

Between these alternatives there is no middle ground.

A hint - if a hint were needed - that references "Re:3:16: So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." and that we should choose the Godly alternative because that will be better and right, not least of all because we know what we're getting.

(And whilst considering that, I suggest a visit to http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Bible)

H. Montague Worthington

02-14-2018 01:20 AM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

PRAISE!!!

Jeb Stuart Thurmond

11-07-2019 01:33 AM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Some alternative facts about the Devils weed might be a good idea.

Dennis Lukes

11-08-2019 03:17 AM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond (Post 1259882)

Some alternative facts about the Devils weed might be a good idea.

Well, for starters we know that it's highly addictive. Furthermore, it only takes a few "blunts" to fatally overdose.

Isabella White

11-08-2019 03:24 AM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes (Post 1259987)

Well, for starters we know that it's highly addictive. Furthermore, it only takes a few "blunts" to fatally overdose.

Amen, dear Brother Lukes. Amen! We need to take a tougher stance on this. Thanks to the Obummer days, LIE-beralism and eased attitudes have eaten their way into the fabric of our sane and sanctified society. We must stand together and defeat this trend of accepted usage of maryjuanna.

A blessed evening to you, Dear Brother,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

https://mr-conservative.com/wp-conte...IGHT-THING.jpg

I Man Rastafari

11-08-2019 03:57 PM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Greetings!

I must confess that it is no surprise to I that the white people are so badly mistaken about the ganja. Ganja is the Lamb's Bread which was sent by Jah for use in communing with him because it induces a state of relaxation and contentment that Jah is comfortable with. It grows in the earth like the food Jah has set aside for us and it is food for the mind. If the white people would use the ganja while praying to Jah and seeking guidance everyone would be more content. This is why the people of my home which is Jamaica have become some of the leading intellectuals here on Earth. The ganja will illuminate the slavish mentality and make everyone more in touch with Jah. That would be very good for everyone.

Jah Guide!
Trevor

Isabella White

11-08-2019 04:19 PM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Quote:

Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari (Post 1260001)

Dear Mr. Rastafari: If by "the ganja", you are referring to that sinful plant that is commonly known as maryjuana, then I am afraid, most decidedly, that you are mistaken. Just as Eve was deceived by the devilish serpent by believing the lie that it was permissible to eat forbidden fruit, then so are you deceived by the Satanic demon that is telling you that it's fine and dandy to partake of this abominable plant. But, as you are full of rebellion, it is of no surprise that the devil has tricked you with such ease.

II Corinthians 11:14 "And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light."

Now, then, young man, I suggest, very strongly, that you study the attachment that I am leaving. As you cannot seem to find enough interest to search the wondrous :kjv1611: for the truth in this matter, then perhaps this photo will be worth at least a thousand words to you.

Sincerely, Isabella W.

https://mr-conservative.com/wp-conte...s/teen-pot.jpg

Dana723

11-09-2019 12:15 AM

Re: The Landover Baptist Church Alternative Facts Handbook

Quote:

Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari (Post 1260001)

Ganja is the Lamb's Bread which was sent by Jah for use in communing with him because it induces a state of relaxation and contentment that Jah is comfortable with.

Jah may like you to be relaxed, but God does not! In fact, He tells us to STAY VIGILANT so that we may see the devil coming.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 1 Peter 5:8

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