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-   -   True Christian™ Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=81726)

Pastor Ezekiel 01-12-2014 11:04 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1055824)
Dear Lord,
I Maggie Reynolds pray for forgiveness from both you and my superiors at the church. I also pray for open eyes and an open heart to the teachings of pastor Ezekiel and the KJV Bible and I pray for you to bless my marriage
Amen

Now you're making some progress, Addy. Except for the fact that you have no marriage to Bless. :glare:

You need to go stay with your parents until the wedding day, at a minimum. No more fornicating! :nonono:

girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) 01-12-2014 11:15 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Maggie* no more sex but can I still decorate the house??

see_the_light 01-12-2014 11:17 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1055832)
Maggie* no more sex but can I still decorate the house??

Is that the codeword for you blowing your rapist?

NO! YOU CANNOT!

PRAISE THE LORD!

girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) 01-13-2014 12:19 AM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
No its code word for painting and picking out furniture and such

John C. Coleman 01-14-2014 07:36 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1055804)
I do not have to do anything!

Yes you do. Unless you want to burn in hell. Revelation 21:8 Psalm 14:1.

John C. Coleman 01-14-2014 08:57 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1055832)
Maggie* no more sex but can I still decorate the house??

MAGGOT*

John C. Coleman 01-14-2014 08:58 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1055846)
No its code word for painting and picking out furniture and such

Likely story. "decorating the house" Is that where your rapist friend you call a fiancé decorates the inside of your ransacked temple with his white paint?

girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) 01-14-2014 09:30 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Mr. Coleman my main color is yellow not white

John C. Coleman 01-14-2014 09:52 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1056287)
Mr. Coleman my main color is yellow not white

Dumb whore doesn't see what I am trying to analogize.

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 01-14-2014 09:58 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by John C. Coleman (Post 1056292)
Dumb whore doesn't see what I am trying to analogize.

Or perhaps she does. Yellow is generally easier to come by in greater volume. :o

girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) 01-14-2014 10:12 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
You two make no sense!!!

Mary Etheldreda 01-14-2014 10:33 PM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
*Ahem*

Would you kindly take your squabbling to some other forum, Addy and John? This thread is about teaching women how to avoid legitimate rape and I'd like to keep this public service announcement free from such foolishness.

Thank you.

girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) 01-15-2014 12:31 AM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
*ahem*
We are having a conversation and not a squabble and who are you to correct mr. John

John C. Coleman 01-15-2014 12:35 AM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda (Post 1056302)
*Ahem*

Would you kindly take your squabbling to some other forum, Addy and John? This thread is about teaching women how to avoid legitimate rape and I'd like to keep this public service announcement free from such foolishness.

Thank you.

I apologize Mrs.Etheldreda. I shouldn't have let this heathen get to me. Lets return to the topic at hand shall we?

girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) 01-15-2014 12:54 AM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
I am no christian

John C. Coleman 01-15-2014 01:13 AM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by girlygirl18 (aka Addy the whore) (Post 1056328)
I am no christian

Girl… your father ought belt you until you start to bleed, and then belt you some more. He should take a rod, and beat you with it until you come within an inch of death. Proverbs 29:15 Proverbs 23:14. Proverbs 13:24

see_the_light 01-15-2014 01:24 AM

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by John C. Coleman (Post 1056330)
Girl… your father ought ... beat you with it until you come within an inch of death. Proverbs 29:15 Proverbs 23:14. Proverbs 13:24

In this case I'd go metric and risk within a cm....

PRAISE THE LORD!

Mary Etheldreda 11-02-2017 08:19 PM

Re: True Christian™ Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
I'm bumping this important Public Service Announcement to include a new, clever, and faultless solution put forth by our very own United States Energy Secretary Rick Perry (whom you may remember as being outspoken about being grossed out about teh gays in the military when running for president).

Quote:

Speaking during an energy policy discussion about energy policy with “Meet the Press” host Chuck Todd and Axios CEO and founder Jim VandeHei, Perry discussed his recent trip to Africa. He said a young girl told him that energy is important to her because she often reads by the light of a fire with toxic fumes.

“But also from the standpoint of sexual assault,” Perry said. “When the lights are on, when you have light that shines, the righteousness, if you will on those types of acts.”

So there you have it ladies. Keeping the electric lights on shines righteousness on copulation, which in turn prevents rape.

:)

InLoveWithChrisChan 11-04-2017 10:36 PM

Re: True Christian™ Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda (Post 921650)
Ladies, recent comments by Republican Missouri senate nominee Todd Akin regarding his stance on abortion has come to the attention of Americans everywhere.



Now we here at Landover Baptist Church know very well that the LORD blesses and watches over His flock (Isaiah 61:9; Deuteronomy 28:8; Philippians 4:19). We also know that many women (and men - yikes!) have claimed to have been raped. Clearly this means most of these people are NOT a part of the vine (John 15:1-2), which explains why God's Blessing has been justly denied them. In any case, let's look at some statistics. According to Crisis Connection:



Friends, this is a tragedy!



SO MANY WOMEN HATE MEN SO MUCH THEY WILL CRY "RAPE"
JUST TO SEE HIM UNJUSTLY PUNISHED BY THE STATE!



A predictable consequence of "Feminism" is a prejudice against men!

How do we know?

Because women who maintain Godly standards usually DON'T GET RAPED! Certainly not in this quantity!

So the first thing to do to avoid being raped, is to maintain Godly standards for yourself! Here are some things the LORD was careful to include in the Holy Bible. If it's in the Holy Bible, we know it must be the most important information in the world. Of course True Christians™ know why - it keeps us safe!

We know, for example, the LORD made men to be visually stimulated. They can't help it, and this is but one of the things Satan uses to try and win their souls.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Matthew 5:29


However, the LORD saw to it that devoted men would record the information we women need to do in order to keep from temping the men in our lives to stumble in sin (Romans 14:21). It is a very simple solution - a Godly, modest dress code.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1 Peter 3:3

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
Deuteronomy 22:5

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.
Proverbs 11:22

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2


IF you happen to be legitimately raped, that is, forced against your will, then you need not worry about getting pregnant. You see, our bodies were fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14) The LORD has provided within our bodies, the miraculous mechanics of thwarting unwanted seed!

Now, I hope you'll bear with me while I show you some medical pictures. You may want to usher small children and boys/men from the room before looking. These pictures, although not lewd or pornographic in any way, do depict the female anatomy and might be inappropriate for some people.

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http://i47.tinypic.com/33w4710.jpg



http://i47.tinypic.com/2f0ejhz.jpg

Perhaps our dear Brother, Professor Bessimer can help us understand all this technical and medical jargon, but in the mean time, I encourage you to "fear not"! (1 Peter 3:14)

As senate nominee Todd Akin explains, after much medical and scientific training,



“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."


And do keep in mind, should the LORD send someone to forcibly impregnate you, each pregnancy is a gift from God! Why, as former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee explains, some "Forcible Rapes" created "Extraordinary" people!
“Ethel Waters, for example, was the result of a forcible rape,” Huckabee said on his radio show, according to the Los Angeles Times. “I used to work for James Robison back in the 1970s, he leads a large Christian organization. He, himself, was the result of a forcible rape. And so I know it happens, and yet even from those horrible, horrible tragedies of rape, which are inexcusable and indefensible, life has come and sometimes, you know, those people are able to do extraordinary things.”
:)

I got idea all women should bare arms and we should hang draw and quater rapists and then display their heads in pikes. In public squares. Although I am a fan of Vlad the impalers methods of deterrents. A Forrest of slowly dying impaled rapists should send the message that rape is bad.


I'm sorry if you want to revert to go back to the dark ages you mind as well bring the punishments back.

Didymus Much 11-04-2017 10:44 PM

Re: True Christian™ Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by InLoveWithChrisChan (Post 1223216)
I got idea all women should bare arms and we should hang draw and quater rapists and then display their heads in pikes. In public squares. Although I am a fan of Vlad the impalers methods of deterrents. A Forrest of slowly dying impaled rapists should send the message that rape is bad.


I'm sorry if you want to revert to go back to the dark ages you mind as well bring the punishments back.

Do you even grammar, spell, and parse, bro? :huh:


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