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-   -   So Much to Catch up on (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=116456)

Morton Weinstein 06-12-2019 11:18 PM

So Much to Catch up on
 
Greetings in the Holy Name of Jesus, who I killed 2000 years ago:


Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me. That has been my song ever since I repented of being a Joo and accepted that I killed the Savior of the World, a sin for which He freely forgave me.


So much has happened but here is a brief synopsis. Oy, what a life. First, I moved to New York.


Next, I dated a nice Christian woman for two years but her father didn't like that I was once a Joo so we had to break it off. Then I dated a widow whose husband had passed on due to his belief in the Christian Science religion. She was Christian Science, too, and wouldn't give it up. What's a nice ex-joo to do in such a case, I ask you? I moved on. I achieved three master's degrees and a Ph.D. in accounting and business administration. Shortly after my graduation, my father died and left me his haberdashery. I ran that for about a year and then I sold it to a nice Joo in midtown for several million dollars. I tithed ten percent of that to a local Baptist church and the Lord has blessed me tenfold. So I'm pretty good financially but not romantically.


My mother is in the hospital in South Bend, IN, but she is expected to recover from her infected bedsores and yeast infections. Smell? You bet they do. I am waiting to visit until they heal. What? You want me to vomit all over Mama? I don't think so.


So how is everyone? I hope you will pray for me. I need a woman badly as I am tempted daily with the sin of Onan.


Yours in the Savior I murdered,
Morton

Dennis Lukes 06-13-2019 12:46 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Greetings Christ-killer. We've never met, but I've got a good first impression based on your admittance of complicity in the murder of Jesus (Matthew 27:25). If all Jews would just accept this and acknowledge it constantly, people wouldn't hate them so much.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein✡
I need a woman badly as I am tempted daily with the sin of Onan.

God advises us to sever our body parts if they tempt us to sin (Matthew 5:30). However, you can't do that in this case because you can't get into Heaven without your tallywhacker attached (Deuteronomy 23:1).


The obvious solution is to convert to Biblical-literalist fundamentalist Baptist Christianity (the only way into Heaven) and marry a girl. Then mount her to produce a soldier for Christ (who you murdered in cold blood).


Welcome back, Jew I've never met.

:joo::joo::killer-jew::joo:

BrotherLarry 06-13-2019 03:16 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Brother Morton:


Since you're in Godless NYC, let's hook up and fellowship together. Of course, we can't become fast friends because I'm about to become Chinese. I think that would make us unequally yoked.


Know any good Joo lawyers who can help a guy with a passport issue? I'm asking for a friend.


Sorry you killed the Savior,
BrotherLarry

BibleReader2231 06-14-2019 12:34 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Hello Mister Weinstein. I am asking for a friend in hopes that her Pa may approve of you as she’s currently looking for a potential suitor. It’s not me just so you know. My Pa is currently in talks with Sister Dana to be wed to her son Matthew. If you could fill out this quick questionnaire that’d be great.

1. How much money do you make?

2. Would you convert to a Baptist Fundamentalist Church?

3. Do you believe that prenuptial agreements are a sham?

4. What businesses do you own? (Be honest)

5. Will you accept Jesus as your lord and savior?

6. Would you agree to marriage arrangements decided by your spouse’s Pa and intend to pay for the costs as well as your future father in law’s well being?


No idea why these questions mostly have to do with money but I guess that’s how she rolls.

Morton Weinstein 06-16-2019 10:38 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
My and what a lovely young woman you are, Sister Maxine. I knew a Maxine Helphenstein back home but she was a harlot, never caring to whom she gave her lox and bagels. Oy but my mama hated her but my father thought she was a cute little tart. I was indifferent.


You've asked many questions and most are quite personal. I may decline some of them, but who knows? I'm hiding nothing.


1. I am quite well off. I have over 14 million in the bank and from sales of my new book, "I Killed Jesus and Lived to Have Him Forgive Me," I am bringing in thousands a week. No sign of that slowing down anytime soon and I have a new book coming in the fall, "Yes, YOU Killed Jesus, You Low-life Joo." Preliminary orders are strong.


2. I converted to fundamentalist Baptist when I joined this forum so long ago. Oy but I was such a dork back then I've maintained my suave and debonair appearance but my personality is much more Christlike.


3. Prenups are ok I guess. I believe in trusting each other, but I'll talk about it when the right young princess woos me.


4. I sold the business I owned after inheriting it from father. I do invest in Amazon, Google, and Eli Lilly.


5. Been there, done that.


6. A wedding is a wedding. Arrangements can be made by whoever in my opinion. I'd pay for it as long as it doesn't get ridiculous.


You should know if you're trying to present me to your father that I am a Bible believing man and you're getting a bit old to be a serious prospect. As you can imagine, someone with my looks and background is considered quite the catch but I'm very picky about things like virginity checks and other things I've learned about from Landover's fine men, whom I consider my mentors.


Oy. Mama is on the phone again. This woman calls ten times a day if she calls once. "what you doing, Morty?" "Found a wife, Morty?" oy. I hope her bedsores heal soon so I can visit and get her off my phone. A room I can walk out of. The phone? So rude to just hang up.


Yours in the Christ I Killed,
Morton

Isabella White 06-16-2019 11:28 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 (Post 1253394)
Hello Mister Weinstein. I am asking for a friend in hopes that her Pa may approve of you as sheís currently looking for a potential suitor. Itís not me just so you know. My Pa is currently in talks with Sister Dana to be wed to her son Matthew. If you could fill out this quick questionnaire thatíd be great.

1. How much money do you make?

2. Would you convert to a Baptist Fundamentalist Church?

3. Do you believe that prenuptial agreements are a sham?

4. What businesses do you own? (Be honest)

5. Will you accept Jesus as your lord and savior?

6. Would you agree to marriage arrangements decided by your spouseís Pa and intend to pay for the costs as well as your future father in lawís well being?


No idea why these questions mostly have to do with money but I guess thatís how she rolls.

Oh, dear Sister Maxine: Please be very careful here. A gullible young 17 year-old can't be too cautious, especially with this so-called "Christian" Joo, or however he's labelling and promoting himself. Something smells fishy here, and it isn't the smoked salmon.
A blessed day to you, dear Sister Maxine,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

BibleReader2231 06-17-2019 12:32 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Oh donít worry Miss Isabella. As I said, I was asking for a friend. I would never taint my family bloodline with Joo, even if they claim to repent.

Isabella White 06-17-2019 12:46 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 (Post 1253528)
Oh don’t worry Miss Isabella. As I said, I was asking for a friend. I would never taint my family bloodline with Joo, even if they claim to repent.

Oh, thank you ever so much for that reassuring message, dear Sister Maxine, and to :god-fancy: Almighty be the :glory:. Goodness me, I do get worried so. I know how tempting it can be when one is at your tender age, delicately walking the path that straddles both adolescence and early womanhood, but we must be strong for :jesus-fancy: and not go down that dark path of Joo-ry. Besides that, I was worried that your beloved Pa would react ever so harshly toward you, especially since we :true-fancy: people know full well how the Joos persecuted, tortured and murdered our beloved :lord-fancy:. I do hope you didn't mind my giving you caution, dear Maxine, but at 84, I've seen a lot, and I do like to look out for my younger sisters in the :lord-fancy:.

May :god-fancy: richly bless you and keep you safe in :his: glorious bosom, dear Sister Maxine.
Sincerely, Isabella W.

MitzaLizalor 06-17-2019 02:13 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
@Morton Weinstein Have you considered two telephone numbers? One for family members so they can ring anytime 24/7 and a 2nd number you can keep switched off?

BrotherLarry 06-17-2019 02:20 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
I have to say this skeptical attitude toward an obviously repentant and forgiven Joo is troubling. Were not all of us sinners? Were not some of us whores, robbers, thieves, pimps, liars, adulterers, abortionists, catholics, satanists, Democrats, etc??

Since you found Jesus, are you any of those things? I am appalled at your lack of forgiveness and charity.

Morton, let us fellowship soon.

Basilissa 06-17-2019 02:23 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Hello and :welcome: back, Morty! I hesitated before posting here, as you have chosen the Men's Only part of the forum, but encouraged by the example of Sisters Isabella and Mitza, here I am.

My my, you are presenting yourself as quite a catch! I'm sure you will find a nice lady desperate enough to marry a Jew.


I will pray for your mother. May she get well soon, and may she accept Jesus into her murderous Jewish heart! :pray:


Matthew 25:27 Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.

Dennis Lukes 06-17-2019 02:37 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1253539)
I have to say this skeptical attitude toward an obviously repentant and forgiven Joo is troubling.

Troubling perhaps, but justified. Don't forget that the Jewfolk are well known for their cunning and manipulative nature. God Himself warns us that they are liars and deceivers (Titus 1:14). And it was the kike Judas (Jew-das) who betrayed Jesus to the Romans, and the Jews who spat on Him and demanded His crucifixion. They would rather keep company with criminals like Barabbas than with Jesus Christ the Savior.


Are we sure that this Morton fellow isn't the third Weinstein brother?

Isabella White 06-17-2019 03:15 AM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Basilissa (Post 1253540)
Hello and :welcome: back, Morty! I hesitated before posting here, as you have chosen the Men's Only part of the forum, but encouraged by the example of Sisters Isabella and Mitza, here I am.

My my, you are presenting yourself as quite a catch! I'm sure you will find a nice lady desperate enough to marry a Jew.

I will pray for your mother. May she get well soon, and may she accept Jesus into her murderous Jewish heart! :pray:

Matthew 25:27 Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.

Oh, dear Sister Basilissa, goodness me! You know, I did not realize (at the time of my posting to Sister Maxine) that I was in the MEN'S ONLY forum. At 84, I'm afraid that my old peepers just are not what they used to be. It wasn't until much later when I saw the listing on the Forums page that I realized the error of my way and, actually, I was quite startled to think that I had trespassed into a sacred area which is reserved only for the use of our dear Godly Menfolk. So, I would like to issue a formal apology to our dear Brethren here and now, unreservedly, for having entered into their private areas. I do so hope that I shan't be receiving another Infraction Notice from our beloved Dr. Niles, and I do pray that I can be forgiven, from out of the depths of the goodness of the blessed hearts of our ever-so-kind :true-fancy: Menfolk.

Apart from that, I wish you a very blessed evening, dear Sister Basilissa,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

Morton Weinstein 06-30-2019 05:02 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
:lex_12:
Quote:

Originally Posted by Isabella White (Post 1253545)
Oh, dear Sister Basilissa, goodness me! You know, I did not realize (at the time of my posting to Sister Maxine) that I was in the MEN'S ONLY forum. At 84, I'm afraid that my old peepers just are not what they used to be. It wasn't until much later when I saw the listing on the Forums page that I realized the error of my way and, actually, I was quite startled to think that I had trespassed into a sacred area which is reserved only for the use of our dear Godly Menfolk. So, I would like to issue a formal apology to our dear Brethren here and now, unreservedly, for having entered into their private areas. I do so hope that I shan't be receiving another Infraction Notice from our beloved Dr. Niles, and I do pray that I can be forgiven, from out of the depths of the goodness of the blessed hearts of our ever-so-kind :true-fancy: Menfolk.

Apart from that, I wish you a very blessed evening, dear Sister Basilissa,
Sincerely, Isabella W.


Sister White,


I would not be so concerned about posting in the forum specifically designated for the males. I would be more concerned that you harbor in your breast a spirit of unforgiveness and anti-Semitism. Remember the Lord says He won't forgive us if we don't forgive others. Continuing to bring up the unfortunate fact that I killed Jesus does not show forgiveness. But you know what? I pray for you. Daily. And God sees your heart. May he soften it.


Morton W.

Isabella White 06-30-2019 05:20 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein (Post 1254237)
:lex_12:
Sister White,

I would not be so concerned about posting in the forum specifically designated for the males. I would be more concerned that you harbor in your breast a spirit of unforgiveness and anti-Semitism. Remember the Lord says He won't forgive us if we don't forgive others. Continuing to bring up the unfortunate fact that I killed Jesus does not show forgiveness. But you know what? I pray for you. Daily. And God sees your heart. May he soften it.
Morton W.

Young man, YOU are the one who keeps bringing up the FACT that you killed our :lord-fancy:! It is as though you are gloating about this horrible crime. Check out your latest rant where you mention that, linked below (and don't bother sneaking back on that page to edit it out!)

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/show...39#post1254239

Sincerely, Isabella W.

MitzaLizalor 07-01-2019 12:09 PM

Re: So Much to Catch up on
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein (Post 1254237)
Continuing to bring up the unfortunate fact that I killed Jesus does not show forgiveness. But you know what?

Sorry to interrupt the love fest here - but are you suggesting group responsibilities outweigh personal Salvation?

Perhaps you have family members able to compare & contrast the views of Alfred Adler, Carl Jung and John Broadus Watson in this respect.


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