Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
I don't know how this fad started but if I ever meet a woman and she has this in her I would run so fast I would probably pull a groin.
Also: no smokers and no knuckle crackers. That is all. https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucele.../#6d2595c46622 |
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Some years ago there was some excitement over something called "The Vagina Monologues", and I got the impression that they talked - but I personally have never witnessed it.
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Re: Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
Who in their right state of mind would put a wasp nest up there?
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(for those who don't know, the Darwin Awards are handed out to those who have done something stupid and paid for it with their lives). |
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Re: Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
Kids today. Next thing you know they will be stuffing rodents in their rectums.:fear2:
What ever happened to just putting a tack on Satan's seat? I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart Where? Down in my heart! Where? Down in my heart! I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart Down in my heart to stay And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart Down in my heart And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. I've got the love of Jesus, love of Jesus Down in my heart Where? Down in my heart! Where? Down in my heart! I've got the love of Jesus, love of Jesus Down in my heart Where? Down in my heart to stay. And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart Down in my heart And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. I've got the peace that passes understanding Way down in the depths of my heart! Where? Down in the depths of my heart! Where? Down in the depths of my heart! I've got the peace that passes understanding Way down in the depths of my heart! Down in my heart to stay And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart Down in my heart And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. And if the Devil doesn't like it He can sit on a tack! Ouch! Sit on a tack! Ouch! Sit on a tack! And if the Devil doesn't like it He can sit on a tack! Ouch! Sit on a tack to stay! And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart Down in my heart And I'm so happy So very happy I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. |
Re: Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
Speaking of wasp nests and cooters, I still have not seen my wife, Mrs. Hutchins. It has been oh, I do not know, three to five months now. I've kept an eye out for her when I drive the Hummer around the plantation or one of my cars into town. I've even offered a $5 bounty to any picaninny nigra that can produce enough of her to prove her were abouts.
For those that do not know her, the top of her head comes to about your shoulder, she has produced many children for Jesus, she makes a very passable meatloaf. I am not sure about much else. I am very worried that God will see the lack of new babies in the house it it may affect my standing with Him. If she is not located by February of 2018, I guess I'll have to get her declared as dead as 20 year old milk cow and find a new wife. I just hate the thought of all this time being wasted and the trouble it is causing me to get my meals and arrange for her chores to be done. So inconsiderate.:angry: |
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I've just noticed, it is just over a week since I last considered the whereabouts of my wife, Mrs. Hutchins. If it was not so hot out and I was already obligated to serve as a swim counselor for the LBC Summer Camp for Young Male Christians, I'd go look for her. But seeing she is an adult, I do not want her to get all worked about what with me checking up on her and observing her every move. I know how women can be about their privacy.
I must admit, I do not miss the sounds of her clumsily breaking my Steuben cognac glasses when she hand washes them. Fortunately there are many other female Hutchins (I think they are my daughters) around to do female duties. A few more months and I guess I'll have to alert the sheriff, perhaps during the September Poker in the back for Jesus charity card game at the LBC mens club. |
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Hmmmm I just realized, I still have not seen my wife, Mrs. Hutchins. I am beginning to wonder if perhaps I should send someone out to look for her. I'd do it but I am getting ready for a Salmon Fishing trip with some of the Church Elders.
Maybe I should call the Life Insurance company about her policy I took out as a Easter Gift to show God how much I care.:innocent: |
Re: Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
I went out with some of the guys this past weekend four wheeling and mud bogging. While having one heck of a great time (Jack Daniels Green label, steaks as thick as a Christian mans arm) we did keep an eye out for my wife, Mrs. Hutchins though truth be told, it has been so long since I've seen her, a old Pine Tree at a distance had the same look as my wife's skin. I managed to get stuck twice in the bog and we got Bobby-Roy out snipe hunting. I told him I'd pay him $5 for every snipe he got and prepaid him $20 with the understanding not to come back unless he caught at least four of the creatures. The rest of us sat around the camp, swapping stories about Jesus and listening to Bobby-Roy trying to scare up some nocturnal snipes.
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Re: Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
Well, Bobby-Roy did not come back for two whole days! What a hoot and a half!:rofl3: The boys and I had a great weekend, my son (I think it was Ralph) tore up the drive shaft on his F350 something fierce as a rope got wrapped around the duallies and jammed things up.:lol:
As a side note, we still have not seen my wife, Mrs. Hutchins. I've left a pie plate outside, hoping she will notice it empty and come back inside. My nieces, Mandi and Sandi have been tending to my needs, God Bless them. Honestly, my wife, Mrs. Hutchins does not show up soon, I am going to report her to the police!:furious: |
Re: Wanted: Woman who doesn't put wasp nests in her cooter!
What a weekend at the Bellagio! The penthouse suite of Pastor Ezekiel was packed with street lads and runaway girls the good Pastor had in praying for salvation. The fevered delivery produced by Pastor Ezekiel was a sight to behold. Soul after worthless soul, the Godly Pastor went down upon and cleared the demons from their rectums.:sweat: The stench of the devil filled the rooms. Praise be the Lord, probably 100 lost youths were Saved®. :yahoo:
On a side note, no one has seen my exwife, Mrs. Hutchins. During a break from his Soul Saving Sessions™, Pastor Ezekiel signed a affidavit of annulment due to abandonment of my exwife and her duties. So it seems I'll have to expel the children from my house seeing they are all motherless. I will also have to begin the arduous task of finding a wife to bear Soldiers for the Christian© war. It all tires me so.:yawn: |
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