The Landover Baptist Church Forum - THE LANDOVER CHRISTMAS APPEAL

THE LANDOVER CHRISTMAS APPEAL:

Some say they are the descendants of Ham, others that they are black because they have the Devil in them.

You will recall, from childhood, that charming poem:
“God made the little nigra boy,
He made him in the night,
He made him in a hurry
And forgot to paint him white.”

This is instructive, as it shows that the nigra is naturally black. Many erroneously thought a nigra could be scrubbed clean – this is from “Cook’s “Lightening” Soap advertisement, ca. 1890:

“Five little nigger boys grinning in a row
Watch “Mummy Flannigan” scrub “Jim Crow.”
Five little nigger boys screaming with delight
Golly! Mass Cook’s Soap turns black white!!”

Doubtless many young Christian men are fascinated by the world of the Darkie in its native habitat and I assume you will have seen pictures of Hottentot women parading wantonly in their natural innocent nakedness. Ahem… However, most of us will know them only through that occasional glimpse into the private behavior of servants. Yet is this enough?

The progressive True Christian™ who takes more than a passing interest in all of God’s Creation cannot help but be fascinated by these noble creatures in their natural habitat.

In Africa, the Nigras occupy some of the most fertile and mineral-rich land on the Earth, which they use only for hunting and gathering and subsistence farming. “Why should this be?” I hear you ask. After much research, I have come to the conclusion they are primitive and steeped in superstition and live in ignorance of The Word of The Lord.

Their lives, perhaps happy and healthy to an untrained eye, are mired both in sin and the most primitive and shocking of ways. They do not dress as we do, they do not eat as we do. Until the arrival of the True Christian™, their only means of reproduction was fornication outside of the union of Godly Christian marriage. This is why it is so important to teach them about Jesus and to use them on the land (in an instructive manner) that they might take better advantage of God’s Bounty by growing such crops as tobacco or mining gold or diamonds for those who appreciate such things.

Rudyard Kipling, a famous Englishman, wanted the United States to get involved in the "Civilizing Mission".
"Take up the White Man's Burden
Send forth the best ye breed.
Go bind your sons to exile
to serve your captives need.
To wait in heavy harness,
on fluttered folk and wild,
your new-caught sullen peoples,
half devil and half child."

Desmond Tutu, a particularly well-trained nigra, once explained with gratitude how, in Africa, True Christians™ shouldered their burden in a selfless, Christian manner:
"When they arrived, we had the land and they had the Bible. They taught us to close our eyes to pray, and when we opened them again, we had the Bible and they had the land."

And now you see the point, bringing souls to Jesus is, to my mind, the most important work that a True Christian™ can do. It is not cheap and it is not easy. It can be done in on the Dark Continent or here is the Godly US of A.

We cannot all go to Africa, so we at Landover concentrate on clothing the mind with God’s Word. Christmas is a time of giving; and it is traditional that, at this time of year, we appeal to your charity and generosity for funds to carry out good works. This year our appeal is for the work of the Landover Ex-Negro Ministry.

If you are in any doubt as to its value, look at this video – I apologize for the lack of subtitles – and see their strange ways – these can all be changed to make the negro more acceptable.
·$100 will clothe a nigra to look more like a whiteman
·$1,000 will pay for a week’s education on the path to becoming an Ex-Negro
·$5,000 will pay for a month for a teacher to rid the nigra of Ebonics.

Donations via the Paypal button please and mention, if you would, the reference Bath/08 when paying. Outside donors of sums over $10,000 will automatically be placed in the 10 year queue to have a chance in the lottery for seats in the Tin Tithers’ pews.

Thank you, may God go with you and keep you, your family and servants safe.