The Landover Baptist Church Forum

The Landover Baptist Church Forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumindex.php)
-   Christian history forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=18)
-   -   Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4) (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=100694)

Elmer G. White 07-27-2014 05:15 PM

Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
In the previous epidodes of Visit France - My mission, Elmer experienced a rough and unpleasant cavity search, renewed his intimate relationship with Jesus and visited a cat lick dungpile. The carnal sodomistic nature of the Frenchman began to manifest itself to Elmer, who was obiously flabbergasted by the sheer volume of anal pleasures that the French committed themselves to. All this made Elmer very confused, but he would not be that any more after tonights sequel - Yes! It's time for day 3.


7. La cuisine française

The végisexual paradise - oral entry of rectal demons - the Satanic breeding program

Genesis 1: 11-13
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, [and] the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed [is] in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, [and] herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed [was] in itself, after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good. And the evening and the morning were the third day.

French food is nauseatingly hideous. Everybody knows that. The unfortunate climate, poverty and cat lick oppression have forced to French to eat practically anything of organic origin (Leviticus 11:1-31). This includes creeping things, seafood without scales, nonruminating animals and other forbidden items. Still, I thought that a hearty steak with some freedom fries would have been palatable even in this most backward of countries when it comes to food. While I valiantly fought down the supposedly well-done steak with its blood stains and the moist unsalted freedom fries, my hosts unfortunately had other things in their minds.
They started to devour an orgy of greens and fruit and queering things. They had aubergines, exactly the size of the inner void of a man's rectum ready to be filled. They consumed phallistic mushrooms, excatly the shape of a majestic tallywhacker designed to bust its spores and bring forth new solders for Christ but here aimed at the nether end of my gastrointestinal tract.
They munched on nauseating asparagus or aspérges, similar in shape to the tiny but springly thingies of cat lick boys... The sights, the aromas, the smells and the greedy looks on the faces of my French hosts as they smeared these plantform staffs of seduction with melted butter or sauce Hollandaise, the lubricant (one of them had Béarnaise, which is essentially Hollandaise with just a touch of éstragon)! :fear2:
We True Christians™ are well aware that vegetables contain the gay contagion, and the endless pyroclastic flow of plants incinerated all inhibitions on its path and I definitely started to fear for my health. The AIDS contagion, the rectal demons, are devious little things that force you to feel enormous feelings as they enter your rectal lining that usually only allows one-way traffic!

I suddenly realized that 1) vegetables are homeristic and 2) vegetables usually enter one's tubing from the oral end (the famous exception to this rule is the common homer habit of inserting them rectally). As a result, 3), the rectal demons present in vegetables are accustomed to entering by oral ingestion! :fear2: :fear2: They get a free ride with intestinal contents to the rectum and - zap - one suddenly experiences overwhelming lust for the next altarboy! :fear2: And all the time I tried to swallow the painful imitation of a steak, the cooking fumes and aromas filled with the homerdemons were all around me!

I prayed!

Psalms 27:12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.
Ezekiel 37:9 Then said he unto me, Prophesy unto the wind, prophesy, son of man, and say to the wind, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live.


I felt safer until I noticed the next danger.
More of the vegetable temptations, now in the form of female private parts, the melons, the cabbages. And the supposedly Baptist hosts of mine had NO IDEA. Verse after verse I shouted opon them but spoonful after spoonful they consumed the AIDS demons, the Satan, the homerhavoc!
I realized that they were a lost case, totally oblivious to the cause of God, of JESUS, OF JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOUR OUR LORD.

In addition, the freedom fries were bad and the French dared express fake upset when I reminded them of their cowardice after 9/11.

Leviticus 19:20 And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free.
Acts 22:28 And the chief captain answered, With a great sum obtained I this freedom. And Paul said, But I was free born.

Oh yes! We, the True Christians™ have our freedom. The French have tried to buy theirs, to bribe it. It won't work!


8. The leisure times of France

The most boring event EVER - the pink conspiracy - no second anal probe

The evening was initially allocated to a large meeting with French Baptists but due to an event of bicycling called the Turd of France it was cancelled. I was dragged along a desolate road to watch the event. I was expecting a group of athletes desplaying Godly strength and agility in expectation of the Last Battle, of Rapture, of THE END OF TIMES. Instead, we waited for hours along a gray tarmac road. Thousands of other French men and harlots lined the street. I immersed myself in my pocket copy of the KJV until a roar was heard approximately a mile down the road. Expecting God to give me a SIGN (such as sending some welcome brimestone on that questionable nation), I became sligtly exuberant and shouted:

Revelation 18:10 Standing afar off for the fear of her torment, saying, Alas, alas, that great city Babylon, that mighty city! for in one hour is thy judgment come.
Revelation 18:17 For in one hour so great riches is come to nought. And every shipmaster, and all the company in ships, and sailors, and as many as trade by sea, stood afar off,
Revelation 19:7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.

Alas, the disappointment! Suddenly a group of voitures (Rénaults are not cars) hummed by. Then a skinny sissy man on a bicycle. Then a few dozen dozed men more. The Frenchies shouted. Then it was all over. We left for my Hôtel. The whole event had taken less than a minute.

My hosts showed me a paper (a journal called l'Équipe) about the previous results of this same silly cycling game. I was alarmed by two things. 1) I asked them if this had anything to do with Godless recycling but they did not understand. 2) The newspaper was PINK! It was a homerpaper! Touching it would surely had spread the AIDS demons. Peril! Looking at it could have done the same thing. I was desperate.



:jesus:Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. :jesus:


I had never felt such calm. I confiscated a nearby bottle of wine (Château Mouton-Rothchild 1961), broke the bottle with a stone (I am a True Christian™. I CAN CAST THE FIRST STONE! John 8:7) and started to pluck out my eyes in a most relaxed manner. My hosts grabbed me. I was taken into a hospital and given an injection. No anal probe this time (Thank you, Jesus). I was taken to my Hôtel. I did not see my "hosts" again. I wish I never will.

9. Assessment of France

The Celestial scale - pre-millennium - pre-Apocalyptic

On the Celestial Scale countries can be evaluated by their pleasingness to our LORD, TO GOD (Colossians 1:10)! Here's the list as it was at the end of the 2nd millennium:
1. Godly America :yahoo:
2.-5. places missing
6. Heathen UK and the Joolands
7. The so-called "allies", such as Germanistan, France and the papist block
8. Mooslimbs and Messicants
9.-15. places missing
16. Godless Europistan
17. Hamite states
This IS NO LONGER VALID. The new list is as follows:
1. Godly America :yahoo:
2. Godly Russia :thumbsup:
3.-6. places missing
7. Homer-free Messicants, ornamental and desert joo countries
8. So called "allies"
9.-25. places missing
26. Hamite states, UK and Jooland
27. Godless Europistan (Swiss, Sinland, Germania, Gypsies, Nether regions, Australia)
28.-35. places missing
36. Liechtenstein
37. The Gambia
38. The cat lick conspiracy
40. Godless, slimy, evil France:thumbdown:



Matthew 12:30 He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.

The Godless medicine had made me slightly delirious. I slept through the night.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer:bye:

Marko Loimaan-Aho 07-31-2014 08:15 AM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
God created all those vegetables for animals, our food, to eat. And French froggies use these to satisfy their perverted souls?:thumbdown:

Attila's Wife 07-31-2014 12:02 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
Brother Elmer, your tales horrify me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elmer G. White (Post 1102658)
They munched on nauseating asparagus or aspérges, similar in shape to the tiny but springly thingies of cat lick boys...

Now this is very informative, because until last week I had always thought asperges was a French variety of the autism. Then my youngest son told me it was some evil False Christian ritual involving a man in a dress sprinkling the entire congregation with "holy" water, like this:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nlptUghd0K...aspergilum.jpg

Apparently this is loosely based on Leviticus 14, which suggests that they think absolutely everyone has leprosy. :lol:

So it's interesting to learn that it's also the froggie word for asparagus. Does the language not have enough words, that they have to re-use them like this?

Elmer G. White 07-31-2014 12:46 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Attila's Wife (Post 1103352)
Brother Elmer, your tales horrify me.

Now this is very informative, because until last week I had always thought asperges was a French variety of the autism. Then my youngest son told me it was some evil False Christian ritual involving a man in a dress sprinkling the entire congregation with "holy" water, like this:
Apparently this is loosely based on Leviticus 14, which suggests that they think absolutely everyone has leprosy. :lol:

So it's interesting to learn that it's also the froggie word for asparagus. Does the language not have enough words, that they have to re-use them like this?

Sister,

I examined the issues in your post and found some VERY interesting data that practically excludes the French, all of them, from Heaven:fear2:! I mean, in addition to cat lickism and sodomy, the so-called language of the Froggies is a hinder to their SALVATION.

You are correct, the French do not have enough words. In fact, the vocabulary of their creole language consists of only a few indigenous words (the verbs etre and avoir) AND A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF LOANWORDS STOLEN FROM AMERICAN. They took these words by force during the Nordman conquest!

But they only managed to assimilate one half of pure American words.
They took fleur, flower, but not blossom!
They took grand but did not manage big.
They seized montagne, mountain, but left us hill.
They robbed automne, autumn, but fall remains.

Do I need to go on? No! The list is extremely long but this suffices (they took that also)!

And what happens to thieves?!

Luke 12:33
Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth.



NO THIEF APPROACHETH IN HEAVEN! All who misuse the stolen words as if they were French remain outside. This means ALL FRENCHMEN. And their females.

My mission was in vain. Also the French Baptists are damned.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer:bye:

Attila's Wife 07-31-2014 01:04 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
They call them "loan words". We should ask for them back.

Elmer G. White 07-31-2014 01:19 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Attila's Wife (Post 1103355)
They call them "loan words". We should ask for them back.

Yes! And soon it's going to be too late with RAPTURE and the subsequent dismissal of the Frog nation to the Furnace. In the deepest pitts of Hell they'll only need the few grunts and basic verbs that they had originally.

When molten lava mixed with some vaporised tungsten hits your private parts, all the French you need will be as follows:

- Moi, j'ai AAAAAGGGHHHH! (wailing)
- Et moi, ça GGGGGRGGGGHHHHH! (sound of teeth)

Matthew 13:50
And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.


:D

Yours in Christ,

Elmer:bye:

Attila's Wife 07-31-2014 01:47 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
The noise will be indistinguishable from this, Brother.

WARNING: do not click on this if you suffer from migraines!


Elmer G. White 07-31-2014 04:06 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Attila's Wife (Post 1103357)
The noise will be indistinguishable from this, Brother.

WARNING: do not click on this if you suffer from migraines!

:fear2::fear2::fear2::fear2::fear2:

I never knew what a migraine felt like. Now I do!

That apparition on the video... Her (?) name shows clearly how oblivious the Frogsies are to facts in their criminal activities. While they go on ousting the spiritual territory of Godly America, the actual words of the US language, they do not even understand the words. The parents of that person in the video had actually named him (?) "Plastic Bertrand" not knowing that plastic is not a name but a material based on Godly mineral oil!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Furthermore, I really don't know if the French will even realize they are in Hell come Rapture. If that is their usual musique légère, they are just going to keep on going in Hell business as usual...

Help, Sweet Jesus Redeemer!

:jesus::jesus::jesus::jesus::jesus:


Yours in Christ,

Elmer:bye:

Pastor Ezekiel 08-01-2014 02:31 AM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
This pop song has been in the top 10 in godless France for years now. It's about how queers want to rape Normal young men, like me. :o


Elmer G. White 08-01-2014 01:25 PM

Re: Visit France! - My mission day 3 (of 4)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 1103466)
This pop song has been in the top 10 in godless France for years now. It's about how queers want to rape Normal young men, like me. :o

Dear Pastor,

I knew you life was consuming and perilous but I'm sorry to say I never fully realized how you put yourself in constant danger of 'un viol anal' - while in France I heard that phrase all the time but only your disturbing video link made me realize that it signified the most unspeakable act between two sodomists.

This is, again, an example how the damnation-bound Frogsies seize a perfectly good American word for a stringed musical instrument - a viol - and twist the meaning to mean 'rape'.

Expectedly, this was scryed millenia ago by Biblical Holy Prophets and communicated to us in the KJV!

Amos 5:23
Take thou away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the melody of thy viols.

:ph34r:

Everything fits. Everything becomes lucid and comprehensible when seen in the glistening light of the Bible.

After my initial disappointment caused by the sorry state of the false Baptists in France I've started to thank Jesus for showing me the lowest scum on Earth.

http://www.tlchrist.info/1jesus_in_me.jpg


THANK YOU SWEET JESUS CHRIST THE SON OF GOD MY SAVIOUR REDEEMER WORD OF GOD SON OF MAN THE JEALOUS GOD!

:jesus:
:jesus::jesus::jesus:
:jesus:


Yours in Christ,

Elmer:bye:


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:26 AM.

Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved