The Landover Baptist Church Forum

The Landover Baptist Church Forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumindex.php)
-   Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=14)
-   -   Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=110115)

Anne Sayne 10-01-2016 05:17 AM

Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
Ahh, 1 Timothy 2:11-14. A favorite of mine. But how to follow it? As you know, females are very weak and we can't go 30 seconds without speaking. But God wants us to, and our husbands do as well. So, we can do it! Here are some tips on how to keep your mouths shut for Jesus!

Step 1: Keep busy! If you don't have a busy schedule, either you have a husband who doesn't love you enough, or you are just a rebellious brat who wants to go shoe shopping all day. Ask your husband if he has more chores for you to do and make sure you get them all done. Clean the kitchen, make breakfast, make lunch, make supper, clean the kitchen again, it could go on forever. Most if not all of your time should be spent doing work, and most work doesn't involve talking.

Step 2: Makeup! As you all know, women go CRAZY when it comes to makeup. The Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack description even talks about it! Every day, you should be looking your best for your husband. Yes, that means makeup, hair, and clothing. For lipstick, simply ask what your husbands favorite color is or one that he thinks suits you. If that color is red (the color of harlots) then ask for a different color. Make sure the color of the rest of the makeup compliments the lips to draw attention to them. If your husband seems to pay some attention to the lips, you want to please him and keep them looking nice. Speaking makes spit, and spit is gross, and spit messes up your lipstick. So you won't want to speak either way

Step 3: Keep a timer! Get a kitchen timer and set it to a small number. The largest you it should be is five minutes. Keep the timer in your pretty purse. If you wish to speak, start the timer. When someone else begins to speak, stop the timer, and start it again when you resume your speech. If your timer beeps, that means you have spoken enough.

Step 4: Keep a schedule! Find time with your husband to work out a schedule of what times you can speak and how long. Keep in mind your husband sometimes may not want you speaking at all, so just a reminder.

Step 5: Remember you are property! When you were young, your father most likely sold you to your husbands family. Even if you weren't bough, you still belong to your husband. So basically, you're a pet. Pets can't speak. They just yip and yap and meow. And pets get in trouble when they yip and yap and meow, so it's better to be quiet altogether. Something to help is a bark collar for dogs. These collars shock your neck of you speak too loud, so it is a good utility for when your husband isn't home to beat you.

And if all else fails, you have offended God by disobeying the Bible verse I recently mentioned. Remember Matthew 5:30 where it is written that it is better to CUT YOUR HAND OFF than to sin. This applies to tongues/mouths as well. So of your throats, tongues, mouths, or anything like that offends God, simply cut it off to make life easier! I sincerely hope these tips help!

Onmyknees4God 02-14-2017 04:06 AM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
My best tip is this! When I want to talk out loud when I shouldn't, I talk to God instead and pray for repentance for the desire to be a boisterous hag.


Proverbs 10:19


When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.

Proudspankedwife 03-30-2018 12:22 AM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Anne Sayne (Post 1190159)
Ahh, 1 Timothy 2:11-14. A favorite of mine. But how to follow it? As you know, females are very weak and we can't go 30 seconds without speaking. But God wants us to, and our husbands do as well. So, we can do it! Here are some tips on how to keep your mouths shut for Jesus!

Step 1: Keep busy! If you don't have a busy schedule, either you have a husband who doesn't love you enough, or you are just a rebellious brat who wants to go shoe shopping all day. Ask your husband if he has more chores for you to do and make sure you get them all done. Clean the kitchen, make breakfast, make lunch, make supper, clean the kitchen again, it could go on forever. Most if not all of your time should be spent doing work, and most work doesn't involve talking.

Step 2: Makeup! As you all know, women go CRAZY when it comes to makeup. The Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack description even talks about it! Every day, you should be looking your best for your husband. Yes, that means makeup, hair, and clothing. For lipstick, simply ask what your husbands favorite color is or one that he thinks suits you. If that color is red (the color of harlots) then ask for a different color. Make sure the color of the rest of the makeup compliments the lips to draw attention to them. If your husband seems to pay some attention to the lips, you want to please him and keep them looking nice. Speaking makes spit, and spit is gross, and spit messes up your lipstick. So you won't want to speak either way

Step 3: Keep a timer! Get a kitchen timer and set it to a small number. The largest you it should be is five minutes. Keep the timer in your pretty purse. If you wish to speak, start the timer. When someone else begins to speak, stop the timer, and start it again when you resume your speech. If your timer beeps, that means you have spoken enough.

Step 4: Keep a schedule! Find time with your husband to work out a schedule of what times you can speak and how long. Keep in mind your husband sometimes may not want you speaking at all, so just a reminder.

Step 5: Remember you are property! When you were young, your father most likely sold you to your husbands family. Even if you weren't bough, you still belong to your husband. So basically, you're a pet. Pets can't speak. They just yip and yap and meow. And pets get in trouble when they yip and yap and meow, so it's better to be quiet altogether. Something to help is a bark collar for dogs. These collars shock your neck of you speak too loud, so it is a good utility for when your husband isn't home to beat you.

And if all else fails, you have offended God by disobeying the Bible verse I recently mentioned. Remember Matthew 5:30 where it is written that it is better to CUT YOUR HAND OFF than to sin. This applies to tongues/mouths as well. So of your throats, tongues, mouths, or anything like that offends God, simply cut it off to make life easier! I sincerely hope these tips help!

Thank you for posting this! These tips are very helpful!

My husbands rule for me is this- do not speak unless he tells me to. If I speak, I am promptly disciplined. I am his property, and property does not talk. As a woman, I am unworthy of a voice. My silence is a way for me to honor him because I am not wasting his hearing on my sinful voice

NegroLezbo7790 05-23-2018 09:43 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
You all are being brainwashed! You are not the property of your husbands, and shouldn't be their slaves. All men should be able to get off their fat butts and make food for themselves, in fact, without straight men, the world would be a much nicer, kinder place!

Esther B. 05-23-2018 10:40 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NegroLezbo7790 (Post 1233681)
You all are being brainwashed! You are not the property of your husbands, and shouldn't be their slaves. All men should be able to get off their fat butts and make food for themselves, in fact, without straight men, the world would be a much nicer, kinder place!

Actually, women are the property of their husbands. You need to go back and read Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-23.

MitzaLizalor 05-25-2018 06:02 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Quote:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/image...s/viewpost.gif
I am a liberal, and these do not "trigger" me, because I am tolerant of other's opinions!
Quote:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/image...s/viewpost.gif
You all are being brainwashed! You are not the property of your husbands, and shouldn't be their slaves. All men should be able to get off their fat butts and make food for themselves, in fact, without straight men, the world would be a much nicer, kinder place!

God has explained the different prices for different types of persons and the circumstances under which they should not be killed. For example, just having purchased someone does not entitle the owner to kill them outright. God does not permit that, the owner should be punished. Obviously if the wretch survives 48 hours or so before dying there's no case to answer because God is fair.

Exodus 21:20-21

Children can be sold and under some circumstances can go free after seven years (unless female (or foreign)) but the prices vary according to uncleanness or capacity for work, as determined by God.

Exodus 21:7-8

A man who seduces a woman he owns (but who is married to a different man) has done something unacceptable to God and he's required to bring a whole ram to the priest. The woman is whipped.

Leviticus 19:20-22

There is no need for Christians to be brainwashed. God's standards are very clear. Morality for unbelievers is a random spinning compass, today cannibalism, tomorrow gold mining, what's the difference? If it became fashionable to eat arsenic and people liked the taste, why not? God on the other hand does not change. His value system is not subject to the whims of millennials or communists or whatever fad prevails for the moment. The Bible tells us to obey laws but Jesus did not revoke His own nature just to make Himself more appealing. Indeed, as foretold, He was despised and rejected of men. Jesus was murdered and now we are free to follow Him..but that doesn't mean free to run around worshipping idols or wearing mixed fabrics or perjuring ourselves! Satan would like everyone to think that was OK, to think that Jesus overturned The Law, indeed he's got most people well envenomed in that respect but The Bible provides a rock in swirling seas and without The Bible perhaps brainwashing's all there is; without it how should we know Jesus ever existed at all?

Quote:

Attachment 27274

AGE
M/f
SILVER
ozt
$
under 1 month. .
-
0
up to 5 years
. . .female. . .
3 shekels
1.09
18.10
up to 5 years
Male
5 shekels
1.82
30.17
5-20 years
female
10 shekels
3.64
60.34
5-20 years
Male
20 shekels
7.29
120.68
20-60 years
female
30 shekels
10.94
181.05
20-60 years
Male
50 shekels
. . .18.23
. . .301.70
over 60 years
female
10 shekels
3.64
60.34
over 60 years
Male
. .15 shekels. .
5.47
90.95


James Hutchins 06-01-2018 01:36 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
I know this is a hen fest of cluckers but I have to include my helpful hint. Peanut butter. I know it was originally created by a nigra but seeing how women do not have a soul, I figured it would be OK. I keep a big jar of Skippy nearby when there area gaggle of females likely to make an appearance. Use the smooth, not the crunchy type. I take a big old glob of the stuff and jam it in the mouth :slap: of the biggest cluck. Shuts them right up for a good five minutes. Works on barking dogs as well. A side benefit is it is fun to watch them trying to get it off of the roof of their mouths.:rofl3:


1 Timothy 5:13
And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.


Proverbs 21:23
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

John Creeser 06-10-2018 02:10 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
Brother Hutchins,

I’m glad the Lord has provided you with a solid paying job that allows you to afford the vast amounts of peanut butter to fill your wife’s yap (I assume you use the diet brand? Wouldn’t want to give her an excuse to get fat and undesirable). Simple folk like myself still use a Corinthians rag and yarn. I allowed her to embroider it so it’s at least fashionable (I know, I’m getting soft in my old age:brimley:).

James Hutchins 06-11-2018 06:43 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by John Creeser (Post 1234282)
Brother Hutchins,

I’m glad the Lord has provided you with a solid paying job that allows you to afford the vast amounts of peanut butter to fill your wife’s yap (I assume you use the diet brand? Wouldn’t want to give her an excuse to get fat and undesirable). Simple folk like myself still use a Corinthians rag and yarn. I allowed her to embroider it so it’s at least fashionable (I know, I’m getting soft in my old age:brimley:).

There often is no modern improvement over the classics, I'll give you that Brother Creeser!:thumbsup:

I used to have one of those cloths when I was younger and had a full head of hair, back in my college days. I'd soak it in Methoxyflurane, a harmless non-fat sweetener. :innocent:

I found the girls from the sorority and fellows from the fraternities liked it better, not as none ever complained like they always seemed to when I 'went in dry'. :fear2:

Ah, college days and the harmless hijinks of boys on campus. It was a dizzying time, let me tell you!:lol:

Nobar King 06-11-2018 07:16 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
I would give her something to think about.

DolliMoans 06-20-2018 05:09 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
I find it helps when our mouths are occupied with something else. :thumbsup:

Mary Etheldreda 06-23-2018 07:20 PM

Re: Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NegroLezbo7790 (Post 1233681)
You all are being brainwashed! You are not the property of your husbands, and shouldn't be their slaves. All men should be able to get off their fat butts and make food for themselves, in fact, without straight men, the world would be a much nicer, kinder place!

You're confused, dear. Slaves are beasts of burden whereas wives are help meets (Genesis 2:18; 3:16; 1 Corinthians 11:9). Besides, slaves don't get to keep and care for the children their masters provide them with. When we embrace our True Nature and are dutiful unto the LORD, we are blessed indeed!


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:04 PM.

Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved