The Landover Baptist Church Forum - The Near-Death Experience Investigated

Brother and sister, I have been working on a thorough Christian analysis of that moment in the course of an impending death when the soon-to-be-deceased sees a light at the end of a tunnel or Jesus beckoning him, or a group of dead friends, etc., calling to him.

It is remarkably difficult to get people in this condition to say much, and when they do speak, they are usually pumped so far up with drugs that gibberish prevails. It is also difficult because Jesus says that heaven is only for dead people, and unless you are Jesus, or you died when Jesus was around, then your view of heaven is not going to be headline news as you are dead. I have therefore examined those who were there at the time of death.

Case 1

Amos Brownwater had spent an unconscionable amount of time dying. His relatives were quite consistent. They all reported that, while he was on his death-bed, if one of them upset him, this gave rise to a vision of Jesus, and Amos would mumble “Jesus heard you say that, and He hates you.”

Now this obviously means that He was in touch with Jesus and aware of heaven. So his sudden cries of “Give it to the quarterback” and “Hoover was a communist!” are to be taken seriously as revelations from God Himself.

Case 2
Joline Cassidy was the subject of a road death. She survived despite heavy head bleeding long enough to say “I can see Jesus – He looks like MacGyver but with longer hair.” And this adds to all we know about Jesus.

Case 3
Harry Desoto, despite his name was a Christian through and through. He suffered third degree burns after smoking while filling his car with gas. Blind and in permanent agony, the nurses At Landover Past Pastors’ Memorial Hospital faithfully reported his last words as “Thank you Jesus, you are right as usual! That bastard Flint took all my money.”

This has proved to be somewhat of an enigma, as we do not know what he meant, but it is clear proof of Jesus’s existence.

Case 4
Patrick Murphy was a Catholic, shot in mistake for a deer in down town Landover early in the hunting season. As he drifted into eternal damnation, he saw a vision of someone called Mary dressed as a … but let us quote his final words:
“Mary… Mary… you are a vision in that blue dress… tell me, how are your parents?”
[Pause as there was obviously some answer] “Ah, and your son?”
[Pause as there was obviously some answer] “It sounds as if He’s doing well.”
[Pause as there was obviously some answer] “Ah yes, but what about the boy’s father – ever hear from Him?”
[Pause as there was obviously some answer] “That’s a pity… I have to go now… there’s someone calling my name…”

This was obviously brain damage and the person (Being) calling Murphy’s name was Satan.

Case 5
Mohammed Ibrahim Al Bakr, died Guantanamo Bay after attempts to relieve his heatstroke with a soaking towel and fresh water failed. Master Sergeant Buckmeier reported that at a certain stage of his conversation with Al Bakr, Al Bakr stopped being belligerent and became calm - his voice was faint but audible:
“Mahommad… you are here for me… your horse is beautiful… yes, I am coming now… thank you, my struggle was for Allah and His Words… Ah, it is beautiful, such a garden… you say there is more? This is paradise enough.” [Silence – monitor flatlines.]

This can only be understood as Al Bakr being mistaken when he saw Satan, whom he thought was Mahommed. The reference to the “horse” is slang for heroin – which is certainly of Satan. Allah is thought to be the drug-lord heading Al Bakr’s clan. The garden is clearly a reference to a field of opium poppies.

There were about 40 other cases, and the conclusion is clearly that people do see Jesus and glimpse heaven but that if you are a True Christian, you see Jesus welcoming you, or telling you that your time is not yet. If you are not a True Christian, you will see Satan who may disguise himself as a character from the Bible or whatever garbage book your religion superstitiously believes.