The Landover Baptist Church Forum

The Landover Baptist Church Forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumindex.php)
-   Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=42)
-   -   Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=2057)

Bobby-Joe 10-16-2009 03:56 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
I was most impressed by Sister Mrs Nancy Miller powerful testimony last Sunday. When she realized her son was going gay and even a spiritual intervention from Pastor Zeke didn't help she took the matter into hand herself and beat the sodomite demon out of her own son! The willingness of that woman to get down in her knees with her son and do what it takes is moving and impressive. PRAISE JESUS!

Oathkeeper 10-23-2009 10:39 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
We may be gay, but by acting like you all are, you become:

1) The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26)
2) The Malicious (Romans 1:29)
3) The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31)

So I think one sin vs. the 3 you all are going to hell for
severly outbeats us >.>


Seriously? You ban all those who try to defend themselves on the
subject of not agreeing with you or your beliefs.(Sure as hell not
the bible's beliefs. The bible asks you to love thy neighbor. Beating
the hell out of them or banning them sure doesn't sound like "love
thy neighbor. >.>)

So you all need to grow up. If you are just bound and determined
to hate all gay people for whatever reason you like, don't
ruin the lives of others. (By this statement, I mean do not
discriminate against gays. If we are bound and determined for hell,
from your point of view, then let us fall. You won't be the one going
(again, from your point of view) so...)

I have so much to talk about on this issue. I know once I add this
post that it will be either erased or my account will be deleted.
This act only proves my point even more. You are afraid that we are
right and you are wrong.


You know what, I just had a random thought. When I die and go on to
Heaven (yea, believe it or not, I have the same chance as any other
person) I want to be one of the many who look down when you all die
and see you get thrown in the fire. You will ask why? The response
will probably be the same as the information I gave you in the beginning
of this little letter of mine.

Anyway, get a life,
Sam Murray

-Gay til' the end-

Mildred Connors 11-28-2009 07:10 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
For an unfortunate period of time, the Devil possessed me to follow the twisted, disease-ridden path of homersexualism. It was not until I let Jesus enter into me that I realized I had the choice over what I was attracted to! Glory!

I find that dykes have an acute advantage over faggots when it comes to a cure; all they really need is Jesus in their heart and a husband between their legs - whereas the best medicine for faggotry is still AIDS! ;)

handmaiden 05-07-2010 11:24 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
This is a very looong thread. Can we get back to the "back door" part?

'Cause there is a real difference between anal sex, gluttual sex and rear entry sex.


I'd elaborate on the specific differences, but really, do I have to explain everything to you guys?


Exhaustedly Yours,

Handmaiden

Pastor Ezekiel 05-07-2010 11:25 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519390)
This is a very looong thread. Can we get back to the "back door" part?

'Cause there is a real difference between anal sex, gluttual sex and rear entry sex.


I'd elaborate on the specific differences, but really, do I have to explain everything to you guys?


Exhaustedly Yours,

Handmaiden

May I ask why an unmarried old maid such as yourself would be inquiring about this? :huh:

handmaiden 05-08-2010 12:48 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 519391)
May I ask why an unmarried old maid such as yourself would be inquiring about this? :huh:

Well let's see. I'm not that old. I still struggle with impure thoughts. When I was 8 years old, and I confessed to this, my priest gave me prayers to say. If I had been an 8 year old boy, hemay have given me something else.

Moreover, only one part of me could properly be called a "maid". In addition, because I love precision in language, when people say "Back Door", I want to know if they mean the Kitchen Door or the Basement Door. Furthermore, gluttual sex may actually be more than one kind of sin. God would want us to be precise.


Virtuously Yours,

Handmaiden

Pastor Ezekiel 05-08-2010 05:21 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519402)
Well let's see. I'm not that old. I still struggle with impure thoughts. When I was 8 years old, and I confessed to this, my priest gave me prayers to say. If I had been an 8 year old boy, hemay have given me something else.

Moreover, only one part of me could properly be called a "maid". In addition, because I love precision in language, when people say "Back Door", I want to know if they mean the Kitchen Door or the Basement Door. Furthermore, gluttual sex may actually be more than one kind of sin. God would want us to be precise.


Virtuously Yours,

Handmaiden

You told us you were 40.

And if you have a preist, that makes you a papist. They aren't Christians.

handmaiden 05-08-2010 05:36 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 519550)
You told us you were 40.

And if you have a preist, that makes you a papist. They aren't Christians.

I know that as a female I am not supposed to correct you or any other male, Pastor Ezekiel, but I said that I had "been a woman" for over 40 years, not that I am 40. And I still feel pretty young, based on how I must still struggle with lusts of the flesh, plus, I'm still technically a usable vessel for the Lord, even if the eggs are the last ones in the fridge, so to speak, way back there on the bottom shelf behind the mustard and other American condiments.

More, importantly, I used to be Catholic. I dropped out of Sunday School ( never went to parochial school because my family were such good Catholics that we had a big family and could not afford it) and missed out on Confirmation. There were so many kids in my family that my parents didn't realize that I had never been confirmed until I was in my twenties, which was after I accepted the Lord and learned that everything that they believed was wrong. So, I am not a papist, or a romanist, or an RC as the Brits sometimes call 'em. I, sir, am a True Christian, having admitted my sinful nature, accepted Jesus Christ's blood sacrifice and been baptised in the Holy Spirit. As I mentioned in another post, my experience with the Holy Spirit came one night while I had been praying unceasingly for many hours into the wee hours of the morning without food and drink. Some heathen scientists will try to tell you that sleep deprivation and low blood sugar and dehyrdration can cause the brain to do funny things, but I KNOW that the Holy Spirit can upon me that night. It poured over me like an orgasm of the mind, I felt pain in my palms where Jesus Himself was pierced and I starting speaking in tongues.

Years later, after encountering debates among zealous Christians over issues like speaking in tongues and baptism of the Holy Spirit I became uncertain and started thinking for myself, but I but away uncertainty and thinking and rely only on the Good Book.

So, don't call me a papist!

Indignantly Yours,

Handmaiden

Pastor Ezekiel 05-08-2010 10:23 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519720)
I know that as a female I am not supposed to correct you or any other male, Pastor Ezekiel, but I said that I had "been a woman" for over 40 years, not that I am 40.

Could you kindly explain the differnce? :huh:

Or are you saying that you got one of those operations to chop off your tallywhacker and become a fake woman 40 years ago? That would make you an old pervert...:unsure:

handmaiden 05-09-2010 02:48 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 519828)
Could you kindly explain the differnce? :huh:

Or are you saying that you got one of those operations to chop off your tallywhacker and become a genuine woman 40 years ago? That would make you an old pervert...:unsure:

No, Pastor Ezekiel, I had nothing chopped off. I was born a girl child and became a woman 40 years ago, if you catch my drift. Do I need to speak more plainly than this? Surely you would not humble me so.

Besides, a man can't just have his tallywhacker, as you so quaintly put it, chopped off to become a geniune woman. Chopping would only make him an abomination before the Lord. Only the Lord can make a genuine, second class, weaker vessel woman. Accept no substitutes.

Modestly Yours,

Handmaiden

BelieverInGod 05-09-2010 06:04 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519875)
No, Pastor Ezekiel, I had nothing chopped off. I was born a girl child and became a woman 40 years ago, if you catch my drift. Do I need to speak more plainly than this? Surely you would not humble me so.

Besides, a man can't just have his tallywhacker, as you so quaintly put it, chopped off to become a geniune woman. Chopping would only make him an abomination before the Lord. Only the Lord can make a genuine, second class, weaker vessel woman. Accept no substitutes.

Modestly Yours,

Handmaiden

Wow, and I thought I had an unbridled tongue. :fear2: No wonder you're single.

So if you became a "woman" 40 years ago, that would make you at least 54. Yet you still believe that you are capable of producing a good Christian Soldier?

As for chopping off the tallywhacker how is this an abomination unto God?

Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Matthew 18:8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

handmaiden 05-09-2010 08:54 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod (Post 519904)
Wow, and I thought I had an unbridled tongue. :fear2: No wonder you're single.

So if you became a "woman" 40 years ago, that would make you at least 54. Yet you still believe that you are capable of producing a good Christian Soldier?

As for chopping off the tallywhacker how is this an abomination unto God?

Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Matthew 18:8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:


Oh, I'm not so old as that. But yes, I could still pop out a good Christian Soldier. I have many brothers. There was a time when a man asked a potental bride how many brothers she had as an indicator for how many sons she could be expected to bear to him.

And I know why I'm single. God wants me to be. I have perfect faith that if He wanted me to have a husband, I would have one. It's just possible that the Lord has humbled me with spinsterhood as an object lesson for other women. I am a fine example of the dangers of learning and thinking.

If I had resisted the lure of those two evils, I might have been worthy of a fine, manly, True Christian spouse. But now, I have to make do with other women's leavings and find what instruction such as I can here in this forum. I have to find strangers to put me in my proper place. And there is not a one who will eat my pie.

Discouragedly Yours,

Handmaiden.

Levi Jones 05-09-2010 09:29 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519947)
And I know why I'm single.

I see no problem with this. Paul requested widows to not marry or burn.

1 Corinthians 7:8
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide (abstain) even as I.

Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519947)
If I had resisted the lure of those two evils, I might have been worthy of a fine, manly, True Christian spouse. But now, I have to make do with other women's leavings and find what instruction such as I can here in this forum. I have to find strangers to put me in my proper place. And there is not a one who will eat my pie.

Enough with the pie judging stuff. No more of that.


Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519947)
Discouragedly Yours,

Handmaiden.

Don't be discouraged. We all are born as babies and smacked on our backside when we are Born Again® in True Christianity™.

2 Timothy 4:2
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Seth Campbell 05-10-2010 07:39 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 519947)
Oh, I'm not so old as that.

You became a woman before the age of 14? That's just disgusting :bad:

Quote:

But yes, I could still pop out a good Christian Soldier. I have many brothers. There was a time when a man asked a potental bride how many brothers she had as an indicator for how many sons she could be expected to bear to him.
We have 3 boys, I come from a family of 3 boys, my father comes from a family of 12 boys and one girl. The wife comes from of a long line of 2X2. Boys are a blessing from the Lord, although we still need good Christian girls for our Boys to marry.

handmaiden 05-10-2010 08:20 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Seth Campbell (Post 520254)
You became a woman before the age of 14? That's just disgusting :bad:


We have 3 boys, I come from a family of 3 boys, my father comes from a family of 12 boys and one girl. The wife comes from of a long line of 2X2. Boys are a blessing from the Lord, although we still need good Christian girls for our Boys to marry.

I see that I must put aside my womanly modesty ( what little there is of it ) and clarify my position on what I mean about becoming a woman. I guess that I should have said the the curse of woman came on me within a few days of my 12 th birtday. I have been cursed for decades now and its getting kind of old. I wait upon the day when the Lord really will dry up my womb once and for all and spare me the frustration of picking out names every month for each of my unfertilized eggs. I may become hairy and ornery and lose my hormone provided protection from heart attack, but my shame will be over.

As for your second point that we need girls so our boys have someone to marry, that always did trouble me. Over and over the Lord makes known His proper preference for for providing the righteous with male children. (He never once promised a daughter to any of His favored and no man of God in the Good Book ever once prayed to have a girl child. ) But if God answered every True Christian man's prayer for sons wouldn't that wipe out the righteous in a generation or so? That would require going to strange people to find wives for our sons and we know that He wouldn't want that. So, is it okay to pray for a daughter?

Curiuosly Yours,

Handmaiden

tnewe96 07-02-2010 11:09 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ForGodsSake (Post 154658)
Child killer. Did not the blessed Pastor Ezekiel tell you to introduce yourself. Your only making it worse for your self.

As soon as Christianity became legal in the Roman Empire by imperial edict (315), more and more pagan temples were destroyed by Christian mob. Pagan priests were killed.
Between 315 and 6th century thousands of pagan believers were slain.
Examples of destroyed Temples: the Sanctuary of Aesculap in Aegaea, the Temple of Aphrodite in Golgatha, Aphaka in Lebanon, the Heliopolis.
Christian priests such as Mark of Arethusa or Cyrill of Heliopolis were famous as "temple destroyer." [DA468]
Pagan services became punishable by death in 356. [DA468]
Christian Emperor Theodosius (408-450) even had children executed, because they had been playing with remains of pagan statues. [DA469]
According to Christian chroniclers he "followed meticulously all Christian teachings..."
In 6th century pagans were declared void of all rights.
In the early fourth century the philosopher Sopatros was executed on demand of Christian authorities. [DA466]
The world famous female philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria was torn to pieces with glass fragments by a hysterical Christian mob led by a Christian minister named Peter, in a church, in 415.
[DO19-25]

Emperor Karl (Charlemagne) in 782 had 4500 Saxons, unwilling to convert to Christianity, beheaded. [DO30]
Peasants of Steding (Germany) unwilling to pay suffocating church taxes: between 5,000 and 11,000 men, women and children slain 5/27/1234 near Altenesch/Germany. [WW223]
15th century Poland: 1019 churches and 17987 villages plundered by Knights of the Order. Number of victims unknown. [DO30]
16th and 17th century Ireland. English troops "pacified and civilized" Ireland, where only Gaelic "wild Irish", "unreasonable beasts lived without any knowledge of God or good manners, in common of their goods, cattle, women, children and every other thing." One of the more successful soldiers, a certain Humphrey Gilbert, half-brother of Sir Walter Raleigh, ordered that "the heddes of all those (of what sort soever thei were) which were killed in the daie, should be cutte off from their bodies... and should bee laied on the ground by eche side of the waie", which effort to civilize the Irish indeed caused "greate terrour to the people when thei sawe the heddes of their dedde fathers, brothers, children, kinsfolke, and freinds on the grounde".
Tens of thousands of Gaelic Irish fell victim to the carnage. [SH99, 225]



Get over your massive ego, pasture. You're completely irrational, and judging another's religion.

Cranky Old Man 07-02-2010 12:42 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tnewe96 (Post 550397)
... bla bla bla ... I am smarter than God ... bla bla bla ... my ego is bigger than the moon ... bla bla bla ...

:sleep1:

Benedict A. Davis 07-02-2010 01:38 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tnewe96 (Post 550397)
????????????????????

Could someone explain to this simple Christian how this tirade by someone who says he is a hetro sexual,chronic masturbator has anything to do with the thread? I mean he posts this after a young woman talks of her 1st menses. I just do not understand.

Ninnyboy 07-17-2010 08:05 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson (Post 40984)
Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! I'm sure we'll be helping lots of lost homers in the future. And if there's one thing I'm sure of, our help will work better than any feel-good, false Christian nonsense. So, even though our Lord Jesus Christ will probably burn these homers in Hell, let's do our best to help our "back door" Christians.

You should be ashamed of yourself, you know that? 'Homers'? 'Jesus Christ will probably burn these homers in Hell'? Who are you to judge them?
You, my friend, are no better than any other human, in any way shape or form.
Here's a bit of Bible quoting for you:

'One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."'
Mark 12:28-31

Consider that, if your brain can handle it.

Dirk 07-17-2010 08:55 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ninboy (Post 560613)
You should be ashamed of yourself, you know that? 'Homers'? 'Jesus Christ will probably burn these homers in Hell'? Who are you to judge them?
You, my friend, are no better than any other human, in any way shape or form.
Here's a bit of Bible quoting for you:

'One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."'
Mark 12:28-31


Consider that, if your brain can handle it.

Wrong Bible boy! Stop using that satanic bible!:angry:


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:49 AM.

Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved