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-   -   Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=2057)

Glendora Christianson 02-08-2007 02:04 AM

Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! I'm sure we'll be helping lots of lost homers in the future. And if there's one thing I'm sure of, our help will work better than any feel-good, false Christian nonsense. So, even though our Lord Jesus Christ will probably burn these homers in Hell, let's do our best to help our "back door" Christians.

TwinkBoy 02-08-2007 02:51 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Oh good lord! Yet ANOTHER fanatical Christian attempt to cure something that is NOT in need of ANY CURE!!

Glendora Christianson 02-08-2007 02:59 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TwinkBoy (Post 40996)
Oh good lord! Yet ANOTHER fanatical Christian attempt to cure something that is NOT in need of ANY CURE!!

Leviticus 20:13!

Brother V 02-08-2007 03:35 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TwinkBoy (Post 40996)
Oh good lord! Yet ANOTHER fanatical Christian attempt to cure something that is NOT in need of ANY CURE!!

You mean like GRIDS (Gay Related Immune Deficiency Syndrome)?

Mrs. Mary Whitford 02-08-2007 03:36 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Praise! The door is open, and the abomination who needs help the most comes straight in! (Please pardon the pun.)
TwerpBoy, open yourself to Jesus! Let Him come in!

OnYourKnees 02-08-2007 04:04 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria (Post 41015)
Praise! The door is open, and the abomination who needs help the most comes straight in! (Please pardon the pun.)
TwerpBoy, open yourself to Jesus! Let Him come in!

Well said, Sister M&Ms! I was just thinking the very same thing!

TwinkBoy, I'm so very glad to see you pop right up at the mention of the word "backdoor"! No doubt you've heard of Ted Haggard's miraculous cure, and want a taste of Jesus' Love for yourself.

Well, this is the place! You'll get your fill here!! :thumbsup:

TwinkBoy 02-08-2007 04:23 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria (Post 41015)
Praise! The door is open, and the abomination who needs help the most comes straight in! (Please pardon the pun.)
TwerpBoy, open yourself to Jesus! Let Him come in!

Open myself to Jesus? We'll what do you think he has up his..ah..sleeve? And, will I require a chastity belt? LMAO!!:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by OnYourKnees (Post 41018)
Well said, Sister M&Ms! I was just thinking the very same thing!

TwinkBoy, I'm so very glad to see you pop right up at the mention of the word "backdoor"! No doubt you've heard of Ted Haggard's miraculous cure, and want a taste of Jesus' Love for yourself.

Well, this is the place! You'll get your fill here!! :thumbsup:

Backdoor? Hey, love, that ALWAYS gets MY attention, if you know what I mean (snicker, snicker). Oh yes, I've heard of Teddy's "miracle cure" and, frankly love, its a FARCE!! Now, do I or do I not want a TASTE of Jesus' love for myself? Hmmm....well...love...what flavor do you think he is??:sarcasm:

I'm just a WILD and an UNTAMED thing.............

OnYourKnees 02-08-2007 04:38 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Well, TB (yes, like the disease), do you have any evidence that Ted Haggard has NOT been cured?

Virginia D. Templeton 02-08-2007 04:47 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson (Post 41002)
Leviticus 20:13!

Amen, Sister. God wrote it for a reason. Homosexuality is not part of His plan—that's why He made anal sex so exquisitely painful.

Poetic Peter 02-09-2007 05:20 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
I hear Ted got his homocure from a "divinity mill", via "coupon redemption".


Nonetheless, it all seems to be on the level, despite the pseudonymous namings.



http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/8...shot330hw2.jpg

Pastor Ezekiel 02-26-2007 08:04 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
For those of you sodomites who are listening to Jesus and doing your best to fight those satanic urges, THIS Ebay auction might be of interest. Better hurry!


Eggadmin 03-03-2008 10:59 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
hi evebody here. i from egypt. all peoples at forums call me nigger but i not nigger. i arab. hope all here me respact

ForGodsSake 03-04-2008 03:45 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Heathen

Pastor Ezekiel 03-04-2008 03:51 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Eggadmin (Post 154476)
hi evebody here. i from egypt. all peoples at forums call me nigger but i not nigger. i arab. hope all here me respact

Are you a sodomite? Is that why you posted here? Is your camel-wife a male? :glare:

Please go to the "introductions" section and make your own thread. Tell us about yourself and why you are here.

Try using the caps key to post in proper American. And please spare us the details of your sodomite camel relationships, okay? Jesus doesn't want to hear about that. :camel:

Eggadmin 03-04-2008 12:12 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by "ForGodsSake"
Heathen

i not heathen. i good muslim.

ForGodsSake 03-04-2008 01:15 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Eggadmin (Post 154646)
i not heathen. i good muslim.

Child killer. Did not the blessed Pastor Ezekiel tell you to introduce yourself. Your only making it worse for your self.

Tallywacker Hater 07-06-2008 01:34 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Just out of curiouscity, since I'm a transsexual and not a homosexual, how do you "cure" me? What treatment would I get that would be different from what homosexuals get?

Mrs. Mary Whitford 07-06-2008 04:19 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207343)
Just out of curiouscity, since I'm a transsexual and not a homosexual, how do you "cure" me? What treatment would I get that would be different from what homosexuals get?

Is there a difference between a wetback and a beaner? No! One sodomite is no different than the others, some just are so much more messed up and effeminate they cut their tallywhackers off!

Tallywacker Hater 07-06-2008 07:36 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria (Post 207356)
Is there a difference between a wetback and a beaner? No! One sodomite is no different than the others, some just are so much more messed up and effeminate they cut their tallywhackers off!

Actually, you can consider yourself corrected. Okay, yeah, you can say it was in Jesus name if you want. Whatever. Anyway, a beaner is an ethnic slur refering to lots of beans in hispanic foods while wetback refers to illegal aliens who enter the country by swimming across the Rio Grande.

But, let's go on to the next question, shall we? I'm transsexual. That alone does not make me a "homer." What if I get SRS and start dating lesbians. Would either one of us be sinners? Better yet, what if I dated a F2M transsexual? Would either of us sin, then?

Pastor Ezekiel 07-06-2008 07:59 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207377)
Actually, you can consider yourself corrected. Okay, yeah, you can say it was in Jesus name if you want. Whatever. Anyway, a beaner is an ethnic slur refering to lots of beans in hispanic foods while wetback refers to illegal aliens who enter the country by swimming across the Rio Grande.

But, let's go on to the next question, shall we? I'm transsexual. That alone does not make me a "homer." What if I get SRS and start dating lesbians. Would either one of us be sinners? Better yet, what if I dated a F2M transsexual? Would either of us sin, then?

Those questions have been answered. Jesus considers you a filthy vile pervert, end of story. :angry:

Quote:

Romans 1:26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
1:27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
1:28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

Tallywacker Hater 07-06-2008 08:09 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Oh, Zeke, that's no fun!

How about this? Are transsexual lesbians double sinning? Or is it okay for them to go clam diving with other women, even after surgery? Inquiring minds want to know!

Roberta 07-06-2008 08:49 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Deuteronomy 23:1

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.


Does this answer your question? Perhaps by giving up whoremones, forgetting about having Mr. Happy Jacques amputated and joining BASH you can have a shot at Heaven.

To answer your question, heterosexual carpet munching as a prelude to impregnation is sort of acceptable. Marry a Christian woman, do the muff thing if you can stand the odor and dignify her with your semen. You only have to do it every nine months.

And BTW, think how proud your parents would be if you gave them a grandchild.

Hahaha finnochio. Your little pee-pee wouldn't do the job, would it. That's why you want to get a euphasim.

Tallywacker Hater 07-06-2008 09:38 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Roberta (Post 207524)
Deuteronomy 23:1

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

Does this answer your question? Perhaps by giving up whoremones, forgetting about having Mr. Happy Jacques amputated and joining BASH you can have a shot at Heaven.

To answer your question, heterosexual carpet munching as a prelude to impregnation is sort of acceptable. Marry a Christian woman, do the muff thing if you can stand the odor and dignify her with your semen. You only have to do it every nine months.

And BTW, think how proud your parents would be if you gave them a grandchild.

Hahaha finnochio. Your little pee-pee wouldn't do the job, would it. That's why you want to get a euphasim.

Actually, yeah. Hormones don't cut off my "tallywacker," but they do cause it to loose functionality. It won't get hard (easily) and I'm sterile, too. Can't have kids, even if I quite hormones.

Doesn't matter, anyway. I already have kids and I don't plan to quit hormones, regardless.

Pastor Ezekiel 07-06-2008 09:45 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207518)
Oh, Zeke, that's no fun!

How about this? Are transsexual lesbians double sinning? Or is it okay for them to go clam diving with other women, even after surgery? Inquiring minds want to know!

How about this: God mockery is a sin whether you're a queer or not!

Jude 1:17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
1:18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
1:19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.


Isn't that why you're here? To mock Jesus and persecute His flock? :angry:

Tallywacker Hater 07-06-2008 10:04 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 207550)
How about this: God mockery is a sin whether you're a queer or not!

Jude 1:17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
1:18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
1:19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

Isn't that why you're here? To mock Jesus and persecute His flock? :angry:

I never said that. Now you're putting words in my mouth, dear.

Anyway, being gay or transsexual does not mean you can't be a Christian. I have a good friend who is both transgendered and a pastor.

Besides, I think you people should be the ones talking the least about persecution.

Brother Temperance 07-06-2008 10:14 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207561)
Anyway, being gay or transsexual does not mean you can't be a Christian.

Yes it does. You can't be a servant of God and an abomination against God at the same time. It just doesn't work.
Quote:

Besides, I think you people should be the ones talking the least about persecution.
So in other words, you don't think Christians should have the right to freedom of speech?

Tallywacker Hater 07-06-2008 10:53 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 207564)
So in other words, you don't think Christians should have the right to freedom of speech?

No, but I do think that in todays America, when Christians like yourself complain about persecution, it reeks of hypocracy. Didn't Jesus hate hypocrites?

Pastor Ezekiel 07-06-2008 11:23 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207576)
Didn't Jesus hate hypocrites?

...Says the pervert who claims to be a woman but admits to having been awarded a tallywacker by Jesus upon birth...:glare:

Tallywacker Hater 07-07-2008 12:44 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 207577)
...Says the pervert who claims to be a woman but admits to having been awarded a tallywacker by Jesus upon birth...:glare:

You say I was awarded a "tallywacker," I say I was burdened with a penis.

Either way, I could stand to do without.

Pastor Ezekiel 07-07-2008 01:30 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207587)
You say I was awarded a "tallywacker," I say I was burdened with a penis.

Either way, I could stand to do without.

You'll take what Jesus gave you and you'll LIKE IT!? GOT IT!? :furious:

Sweet Jesus, what are you thinking! He made you a Man (in His image) and now you want to throw that package back in His face!? Are you insane!? :fear2:

You remind me of these "whiggers" we get in here from time to time. Perfectly good, normal White boys who want to give it all up and turn coon. I can't figure them out either.

Ebenezer Wright 07-07-2008 03:21 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara Mo (Post 207561)
I have a good friend who is both transgendered and a pastor.

Tara- You really don't see anything wrong with this?

Tallywacker Hater 07-07-2008 08:05 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jvee86 (Post 207751)
Tara- You really don't see anything wrong with this?

Actually, now that you think about it, yeah, there is something wrong there.

Being a pastor does seem pretty darn un-natural.

Ebenezer Wright 07-07-2008 09:59 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Unnatural - Lacking human qualities or sympathies; monstrous; inhuman.

I personally think unnatural more describes a gross transgendered "thing" that has destroyed their body which is a gift from God.

I don't see how it is unnatural to be a respected, honest, God fearing pastor. It really seems like the better choice.

Nick The Queer 07-18-2008 10:39 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Honestly, whats wrong with being homosexual. Its not like we hurt anyone. I just don't understand what makes people feel that they have the right to tell people that WHAT they are is wrong. This is a farce. Sexual orientation is determined by genetics. How can you persecute someone for being born a certain way. That's just like saying that being black is wrong, or being mentally retarded is a sin.

Society is changing, get used to it.

VictoryOS 07-18-2008 11:41 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Homosexual (Post 211423)
Society is changing, get used to it.

Society may be changing, but I can tell you two things that will never change: Jesus' Love and the Good Word of the Holy Bible.

GET USED TO IT.

Pastor Ezekiel 07-18-2008 01:07 PM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
Honestly, whats wrong with being homosexual.

Well for starters, God hates it. The Bible is explicitly clear on this point. You queers are "an abomination" and deserve to be killed.

Quote:

Lev.18:22
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Lev.20:13
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
Its not like we hurt anyone.

Except for the millions you infect with the AIDS, and all the innocent children you rape and molest, and all the poor deluded fools you recruit into your perverted lifestyle. Other than that, nobody gets hurt. :glare:



Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
I just don't understand what makes people feel that they have the right to tell people that WHAT they are is wrong.

Once again, God commands us to judge scum like you in the Holy Bible. Take a look.

Leviticus 19:15
In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
This is a farce.

So far, every tired old argument you've trotted out has been a farce. I agree.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
Sexual orientation is determined by genetics. How can you persecute someone for being born a certain way.

Prove it. According to our research, being a disgusting pervert is a hobby. :angry:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
That's just like saying that being black is wrong, or being mentally retarded is a sin.

Now you're catching on. God hates cripples of all kind, and He cursed the nigras during Noah's time for sodomizing him. So yes, all sin is vile and disgusting to God.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick The Queer (Post 211423)
Society is changing, get used to it.

Yes society IS changing, and it's going to be a BIG change! GLORY!! Jesus is going to return to earth one day soon, and clean up all the scum, riff-raff and perverts with the flaming sword that will be sticking out of His mouth. We pray for that day, nancyboy.

Quote:

Revelations 19:12 His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
19:13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
19:14 And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
19:15 And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
19:16 And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

LoverNotFighter 07-30-2008 12:34 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Oh, you poor dear people, I feel for your mentality. Homosexuality is NOT a disease, it's the way people were born to love. Don't y'all support peace and happiness? If you do then why do you shun people for existing? Why do you try to change them when they are exactly perfect the way they are? The powers that be will be only too happy that the individual has lived to their divine nature and that they didn't alter themselves because of fear of intolerance and shame.

I realize that I may not change your opinion--and I'm completely content with you keeping the words you choose--but please at least try to understand others differences. Bless you.:innocent:

Deaner 07-30-2008 12:40 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LoverNotFighter (Post 216064)
Homosexuality is NOT a disease, it's the way people were born to love. Don't y'all support peace and happiness?

Are you some kind of queer hippie?

Nobar King 07-30-2008 12:59 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LoverNotFighter (Post 216064)
Homosexuality is NOT a disease.:innocent:

Wait until you get the gay disease, then come here and say that.

LoverNotFighter 07-30-2008 12:59 AM

Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus!
 
P.S. AIDS is spread by straight lovers also. Keep that in mind.


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