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-   -   why we need to be spanked (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=88585)

Dr Laurence Niles 12-01-2013 07:11 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy19 (Post 1044841)
Sorry for not being able to keep the sacrasm out of my voice

I really do not understand why you are here. This is a forum to fellowship about Jesus and following His Word©.

If you reject bits of the Bible that you personally don't like, what do you think Jesus would think about that?

YIC

Naomi Ruth Lamb 12-01-2013 08:27 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Dr Niles,

I would prefer to ask one of the ladies of the forum this question but I am not yet able to begin my own questions - I pray that occurs soon - but it is, well, almost "that time" of the month for me. I asked my Mother this question and she isn't sure, since Father rarely allows her to visit the internet: Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean? I don't want to anger our Lord nor offend the pious women and Godly men here. I know you are a busy (and handsome) man, but this has been burning in my breast for days as I near my unclean time. Won't you help me, please? It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.

Dr Laurence Niles 12-01-2013 08:36 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb (Post 1044874)
Dr Niles,

I would prefer to ask one of the ladies of the forum this question but I am not yet able to begin my own questions - I pray that occurs soon - but it is, well, almost "that time" of the month for me. I asked my Mother this question and she isn't sure, since Father rarely allows her to visit the internet: Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean? I don't want to anger our Lord nor offend the pious women and Godly men here. I know you are a busy (and handsome) man, but this has been burning in my breast for days as I near my unclean time. Won't you help me, please? It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.

I think the perfect solution would be to have your computer inside of your menstrual hut.

This way you can abide by Jesus' command (Leviticus 15:19) and continue to post.

You might want to consider voice recognition software so that your unclean hands do not leave residue on the keyboard.

God bless.

Naomi Ruth Lamb 12-01-2013 08:50 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles (Post 1044877)
I think the perfect solution would be to have your computer inside of your menstrual hut.

This way you can abide by Jesus' command (Leviticus 15:19) and continue to post.

You might want to consider voice recognition software so that your unclean hands do not leave residue on the keyboard.

God bless.

Unfortunately, my hut does not have electricity; Father felt I could do without conveniences for a few days each month, and I have, of course, submitted to that decision. Oh, how I sometimes curse Eve for her stupidity in listening to that vile serpent. May our Lord bless you, Dr. Niles, for your wisdom and for taking time to respond to me. No doubt you are a veritable saint in the eyes of Jesus.

Respectfully,
Naomi Ruth Lamb

addy the whore 12-01-2013 09:53 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Mark I dream of getting spanked by you

James Hutchins 12-01-2013 10:05 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy19 (Post 1044894)
Mark I dream of getting spanked by you

No doubt you call'spanking' a euphemism for be taken like a kleenex from a nightstand.

The Pastor was correct, you are a dirty, filthy whore.:angry:

addy the whore 12-01-2013 10:16 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
old man please help me

Mary Etheldreda 12-01-2013 10:17 PM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb (Post 1044874)
Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean?

Ask you father to install our JesOS™ computer operating system. Pastor Isaac Peters worked intimately with the Holy Ghost to provide a superior operating system worthy of protecting True Christians™. Your father will find it has many wonderful features, including these:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire (Post 420317)
  • Ephod anti-demon prayerware in the Cache that load automatically
  • Prayer-mail Version KJ now allowing the uploading of multimedia with your prayers
  • The Word Processor “Paul 150AD” with illuminated fonts and 17th century spell checker, now with Manna v7.0.8
  • Revelation v 5.0.9.17, a big improvement on v 5.0.9.16. This actually allows you to wipe the Hard Disks of atheists even if you only know their email address.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb (Post 1044874)
It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.

Oh dear! I heard of a lady who didn't believe in the importance of bearing children as commanded by God (Genesis 1:28), and found THIS MESSAGE FROM CHRIST when flushing her would-be miracle down the toilet!



Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-02-2013 12:52 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy the whore (Post 1044894)
Mark I dream of getting spanked by you

I know. ;)

I knew from the moment you began protesting so vociferously about NOT wanting to be spanked that what you truly long for is a vigorous bare-bottomed spanking at the hands of a True Christian™ man.

Now that you have admitted the truth, I suggest you get on your knees, open up, and receive the burgeoning love of Christ, swallowing as much of it as you can until you are full to capacity.

addy the whore 12-02-2013 04:40 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Hahahaha mark I actually want a spanking from the likes of u :)

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-02-2013 04:45 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy the whore (Post 1044951)
Hahahaha mark I actually want a spanking from the likes of u :)

I suspect you are possessed by demons. You post one thing at one time, and then later, you post something completely contradictory. You have done this several times now. The secular world would call this multiple personality disorder, but we True Christians™ recognize this as demonic possession instead. Do you feel them churning between your buttocks?

addy the whore 12-02-2013 04:52 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Its called sacrasm mark sacrasm no I am not possessed my any demons but thank you for the concern

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-02-2013 04:55 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy the whore (Post 1044957)
Its called sacrasm mark sacrasm no I am not possessed my any demons but thank you for the concern

Sure it is, sweet cheeks, sure it is. ;)

Hey, you had multiple sacrasms. :pirate:

addy the whore 12-02-2013 05:02 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Yes, I enjoy sacrasm its called having a sense of humor. You should really try it sometime, then you might be some what bearable to speak too. :)

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-02-2013 05:08 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy the whore (Post 1044962)
Yes, I enjoy sacrasm its called having a sense of humor. You should really try it sometime, then you might be some what bearable to speak too. :)

Apparently my brand of humour is a bit two sophisticated four ewe. ;)

By the way, the word is spelled "sarcasm."

But, the fact that you are hell bound is no laughing matter. You still need to post an introduction thread. At that point we can get down to the business of ministering to your many needs.

addy the whore 12-02-2013 05:10 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
I have a minister he is not you nor anyone from this church, so please save your breasts.

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-02-2013 05:15 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy the whore (Post 1044965)
I have a minister he is not you nor anyone from this church, so please save your breasts.

This "minister" is obviously a failure as a Christian. You are in dire need authentic ministering. So, hop on over to the Introductions sub-forum, and tell us about yourself. This is no longer a friendly request, but an order, lassie. :nono:

addy the whore 12-02-2013 05:20 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Do not speak of my pastor like that. And ooo nooo I'm so scared!!!!

Mark L. Snyde, PhD 12-02-2013 05:27 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by addy the whore (Post 1044967)
Do not speak of my pastor like that. And ooo nooo I'm so scared!!!!

Your "pastor" is an abomination before God. He is obviously not qualified to be teaching the Word of God, using you as an example of his handiwork. His kind give real Pastors such as our fine Pastors here a bad name. Shame on him.

And shame on you for refusing to abide by the guidelines here regarding posting an introduction. But, given that you refuse to follow God's Word, why would you follow anything else. You simply hate God. :thumbdown:

addy the whore 12-02-2013 05:43 AM

Re: why we need to be spanked
 
I have made the introduction forum you requested Mark please feel free to read it!!


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