Hello loves.
 

My name is Rachel (I'm automatically saved, because I have a biblical name), and my favorite bible verse is:
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
8. Deuteronomy 23:1
Obviously it's from the King James. :brimley:

ISIS are all muslim faggots.
I hope we can all be friends.

Re: Hello loves.
 

Dear Addle-Headed Girl;

Kindly post the Scripture that backs up your claim of being Saved by virtue of your name.

What church does your father take you to? What's your best pie? Please share more with us about the sins you have wallowed in.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

Re: Hello loves.
 

Sir, I have already read the rules of this Godly site. I mean no disrespect Pastor Ezekiel. Also, I was trying to make a joke about my name being saved, I realize that there is no such passage. I apologize.

Re: Hello loves.
 

Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, and neither do we, witch.:angry:
Galatians 6:7
I'd be $h!tting bricks right about now if I were in your shoes.:nono:

Re: Hello loves.
 

I wasn't mocking Jesus ma'am. I apologize for the confusion.

Re: Hello loves.
 

Who are you calling ma'am?:angry:

Re: Hello loves.
 

A cautions Welcome to you, young Lady. You seem to have your heart in the right place and you are seeking Jesus in earnest. However, please do not be too hasty in your posting, for instance, Mr. W. Hammer would not probably appreciate being called a "ma'am".

Proverbs 29:20
Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

:jesus:

But, do not worry, if you persist, be patient and learn, keep God's commandments (all of them), get a baptism and do some marital begetting (1 Timothy 2:15), Jesus will eventually Redeem you and you have a chance of seeing HEAVEN with us!

:praise:


Yours in Christ,

Elmer :bye:

Re: Hello loves.
 

My warnings were too late...:( Indeed, unfortunately you've upset a close personal friend of Jesus, Mr. Hammer and caused some emotional grief and distress. I suggest some prayers in addition to a sincere apology:(.

Psalms 130:4
But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

Yours in Christ,


Elmer :bye:

Re: Hello loves.
 

I will forgive this silly woman if her repentance is sincere, and she sins no more.:innocent:

Re: Hello loves.
 

I am SO sorry. I guess I was being a stupid woman, I shouldn't be online, I'm distracted by all the dishes I should be doing right now. I know it's not an excuse, and I am very sorry sir. I will pray to God to help me be not be such a dumb woman, and more obedient. Please forgive me, it will not happen again. Sorry to anybody that I offended with my stupidity.

Re: Hello loves.
 

Thank you for your kindness. I'm reading my bible right now, all I want is to be saved. I am so tired of being a sinner and I am trying to change. I will change and go to heaven with all of the God-fearing members of this amazing website!

Re: Hello loves.
 

Fair enough, wench. Your unfeigned expression of regret has softened my heart for the time being. However, I feel it is my duty as a True Christian alpha male to issue this rebuke:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/custo...pic60821_1.gif

You dress like a tart. A man without my rigid moral compunctions might be inclined to m@sturbate furiously to such a photograph, securing himself a place in eternal hellfire!
Proverbs 7:10

Re: Hello loves.
 

Hello Shiny, I am sorry you've gotten off on the wrong foot here, and I would be most delighted to help you learn to fit in a little better.

Tell me, do you have a Web cam?

Re: Hello loves.
 

Not so fast, little miss. You salvation comes via one method only.

I Timothy 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

How many children have your born?

YIC

Re: Hello loves.
 

Welcome, Rachel. You are most welcome to learn more and become Saved by Him! But there is so much you must do -- be baptized, marry, obey ALL the commandments in the Bible (please capitalize God's most precious and holy Word), and bear children. Also, you must behave in a modest, Christian, ladylike, meek, and submissive manner. Contact me if you need any help. I can offer one other tip of advice -- read the entire KJV Bible before the week is out!

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

Re: Hello loves.
 

You are mistaken. John 3:7 lets us know that we must be born again in spirit if we are to achieve salvation.

Re: Hello loves.
 

lol. that isn't even that revealing of a pic. especially compared to the girls in porno who are totally nude. i don't watch porno though heh.

Re: Hello loves.
 

Sure you don't... :tv_horror: :sarcasm: :fail:

Re: Hello loves.
 

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/custo...pic60821_1.gif

Selfies taken in front of the mirror by painted whores are a sign of vanity, and vanity is a sin according to scripture!

Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 119:37

Loose women are not welcome in God's paradise, nor are they welcome here.

Btw, you look like a common jezebel asking to get raped! Doesn't it make you feel the least bit guilty knowing that you could cause a perfectly innocent God fear'n Christian man to rape you?

Worse yet, the poor victim will be obligated to buy you from your father for fifty shekels of silver, and then he'll be forced to marry you too! As a woman, you should learn to act and dress more responsibly!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, unworthy whore!

The Honorable Brother Jessup T. Lloyd has spoken……..…Amen!

Re: Hello loves.
 

Just last week my assistant, Mariko, came out of the hotel bathroom dressed similarly. I promptly threw her down on the bed and pummeled her backside with a flogger I hastily made using clothes hangers. Even a Chinese Gook from Tokyo like her should remember to have some modesty. Show some self respect for goodness sake, harlot!