GAY DOG UPDATE: Help needed at Freehold Animal Shelter
As you probably already know, an epidemic of homosexuality has been spreading around the local animals. This is due to the lenient, almost liberal attitude some have shown, in defiance of Philippians 3:2 which states "Beware of dogs". "Oh, they're just sniffing" you said. Well, now they're just sniffing, A LOT, and we've seen male dogs hunched over each other, as well as other acts I won't describe.
When Jesus faced an epidemic of demon-infested pigs, he didn't take a lenient attitude. He hit them, hard, until they ran to their deaths: Mark 5:10-13:10 , Matthew 8:28-34; Luke 8:26-39. Thankfully, our community has been up to the challenge, and we've had more than enough volunteers at the animal shelter to deal with all the abandoned gay animals. If you've been turned away, it's because priority is going to the kids. Read this heart-warming letter we received and you'll understand: "Thank you mister for letting me kill fags. I got so hiper [sic] I wiggled the needle and hert [sic] Sirbarfsalot [name of the cat]. Maybe the pane [sic] made him repent if not hes [sic] barfing in hell now. The End. Yours trulie [sic] Jimmy.Here's the problem though: everyone wants to inject the animals and watch them die, but we don't have enough volunteers to do routine things like clean up the poop (or the Santorum, as some would say). Worst of all nobody wants to touch the gay carcasses. No, kicking them down the hall is not sufficient, you have to actually pick them up. As a bonus incentive we will have a free BBQ! We could use donations of buns and condiments, though no meat please, we have plenty. (I'm sorry my restaurant can do nothing to help, Obama's anti-business "food-safety" gestapo has been persecuting them ruthlessly, probably bugging every roadkill from here to Ohio.) But I've gone off topic. Long story short, we need less injectors, and more corpse-tossers. Also, a lot of gay animals have ended up getting loose and now need to be hunted down: http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...bUwFLU9qhbsOpg "Jake" an unrepentant "bottom". A local corgie (recently executed) made him his bitch. http://allwomenstalk.com/wp-content/thumbs/62/754.jpg "Molly", lipstick lesbian to a bulldyke bulldog. http://www.dezinfo.net/images3/image...oodog/1048.jpg"Boo" the Pomeranian: no smoking-gun proof of his gayness, but just look at him. Permanently barred from entering Freehold city limits, may try to infiltrate. http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...Zz4yPqbZCvWvUR"Bella" - first reported to be "just experimenting", now said to be the ringleader of a lesbian pack. P.S. The proper name is "Freehold Animal Shelter", so please stop referring to it as "Meowswitz". |
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Can't you just put them in a sack and toss them in the river?
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you people are criminals ! there is no such thing as a gay dog and you are just doing this because you are hateful people ! you are trying to teach children to be killers you are the reason that there are so many mass killings in america i'm going to make sure someone at the SPCA and PETA sees this!!!!
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i couldn't edit my post I wanted to put that you all are going to go to hell for killing these helpless pets shouldn't you be helping them get owners who want them? People who want their dog killed shouldn't be allowed to get another one.
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Re: GAY DOG UPDATE: Help needed at Freehold Animal Shelter
I know killing them is fun and all, but what about counselling...or a scared straight program? I think a good church counselor could practice on helping dogs go straight and then they can move up to humans.
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It will save us the bullet. |
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Oh, I just thought getting them to reform would be good practice for the church counselors. We could always kill them after the confirmation and then send the meat out to young slopes and pikaninnies in Asia and Africa. Another idea is that we could warn the youth group about the dangers of that Satanic Pokemon by holding real "Pokemon" battles between the dogs out in the parking lot after Sunday school.
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Is it also possible to make some extra profit by selling the meat to the Japs?
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Re: GAY DOG UPDATE: Help needed at Freehold Animal Shelter
Brother Jeb,are those Dogs born Gay or do they catch the Disease from Gay owners?
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Obviously it's not natural but the liberals say that it is and the gay dogs are more than happy to back them up on it. The result is that more children decide to be queer. |
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NEVER LET INGRID NEWKIRK AND THE POPE TOGETHER, HE MAY GET SOME IDEAS! That being said, I'm not sure what the big deal is. They don't have souls, they're just animals, just shoot them. It's not like there aren't enough straight dogs out there. |
Re: GAY DOG UPDATE: Help needed at Freehold Animal Shelter
Okay, so we decide to splurge (so to speak) and buy the robo-bitch. To be delivered any moment now, depending on how crappy the delivery driver is. Will it actually work? Can a dirty old dog be taught new, heterosexual tricks?
I hate to think of all the poor sperm-puppies that will die gooey lube-and-latex-stinking deaths, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I do NOT want any more dogs on the lap of Satan! Bad Satan! Get your filthy paws off my pups! Bad Satan! Bad! https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media...8sgei2ngtt.jpg |
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