Originally Posted by Oakland "Reb" Griner (Post 687956)

Why don't they put Scriptures upon them?

Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson (Post 688016)

What a wonderful idea brother. I think I will take some with me and hurl them at the queers I see in the Mall.

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 688022)

Those are magnificent, Sister! I'd like permission to have your eloquent words inscribed on some Hatchet Hearts© for next year. It's too late this year unfortunately. They're all packaged and ready to go.

Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson (Post 688211)

Can you just bring them with you to Sunday Services?

Thanks. :thumbsup:

Originally Posted by Felicity (Post 690486)

@Rev. M. Rodimer It seems a demon ate the pictures, I fixed them now. Thank you for mentioning it! :)

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer (Post 690666)

Excellent work, young Sister!

Oh, and what Godly messages the hearts share! :yahoo:

How about, "DOGS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN"? :giggle:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 687951)

What is the single greatest threat to American schools? Lack of funding? Ineffectual curricula? Violence? No, no, and no. The answer is candy hearts.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...Ud6n7RDSljDuyw

With messages like "You're sweet" and "Be mine" scrawled on their chalky surfaces, candy hearts can incite premarital yearning glances and even hand-holding. The racier messages like "Cutie pie" and "Hug me" can lead to Caligula-type orgies involving enormous bowls of fruit, mandals, laurel wreaths, ostentatious wine goblets, and slave boys.

Now, I will say that these candy hearts get children reading. Given that this generation makes Corky look like Doogie Howser, I guess that counts for something.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...3g-YE7YMYpl1Gx http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...NGynO-OYvTQbYA

(A quick aside--I was not fond of the 90s trend of TV characters having "cute" and "unique" names like Corky, Doogie, Blossom, and Urkel. Guess what? Just because your name is Doogie doesn't make you special. You're just like all of the other kids who graduated Princeton at the age of 10 and finished medical school by 14.)

There is only one way to combat this menace. We need to cancel out the lust and depravity of candy heart messages with Godly words and phrases. Send your child to school equipped with Hatchet Hearts©. Hatchet Hearts© are delightful, heart-shaped candies inscribed with inspirational words and important Bible chapter and verse numbers.

http://i.imgur.com/P7JFi.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/zo2hU.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/TFgMv.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/eOu8U.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/T2DQC.jpg

I've even designed some especially for teachers.
http://i.imgur.com/1PHsq.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/qKBaf.jpg

Order your Hatchet Hearts© today so that they arrive by the 14th! Order forms can be found in the church office. You'll be doing something good for your child's school and helping to pay the deductible on the prostate surgery I'm having done in March.

Originally Posted by SUV (Post 691200)

Now what is this on our Godly board? A "Recovering bastard" - ? Come here looking for a Milk Bone, maybe, and ate up all these craftily Created hearts instead :(

Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson (Post 846917)

I could use a few volunteers from the Congregation who have a good arm.

Originally Posted by VictoryOS (Post 846936)

Sister, my arm isn't the same after over-extending it last Halloween throwing those rocks. My nephew left his slingshot here last summer though, so I could use that. Could I be of any use to you?

Originally Posted by Felicity (Post 687967)

@Old Man Hatchet Your hearts are great! Your own heart must be the kindest that Jesus ever made! :wub:

Originally Posted by paulwilde1961 (Post 1132252)

Jesus has blessed me and therefore my sperm. `i must share his love with you. PM me your number, we must marry and have many children.