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-   -   Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=116151)

DolliMoans 04-10-2019 09:34 PM

Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
https://i.postimg.cc/mZ81Pp30/Screen...3-10-16-AM.png SISTER DOLLI'S Q&A CORNER
Letters to me from real kids wanting to learn facts from Jesus

___________________________________

Tommy Princemetal, age 8, writes :


"Miss Dolli, why is it when I eat peanut butter it makes my throat feel all swollen and dry like I'm choking and sticks to the top of my mouth?"

ME: Hello Tommy - it concerns me that you feel fit to simply eat peanut butter from the jar, rather than between two pieces of bread like a normal person. Nonetheless, I commend you on your choice of condiment, peanut butter is a wholesome ingredient to consume, and is a sign that God is commanding you to follow His Path. Peanut butter is not directly inferred to in Scripture, however peanuts are legumes born from seed, which God granted man to consume as meat of sustenance.

Genesis 1:29: And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

Isaiah 7:15: Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.

It's also a bonafide fact that atheists curl in terror by the undeniable proof in the peanut butter illuminating the truth of God! For the Godless, the Truth is always hard to swallow!




The other explanation is your one of those allergic types, and therefore an abomination before God.


Sarah Smythe-Poots, age 6, writes:

"Hi Miss Dolli, Im sorry ifs this rude of me to ask, ifs men doctors who examine girls hoochies is called ginacollageests, what are girl doctors who check little boy choo-choos called?"

ME: Short answer Sarah, perverts. Under no circumstance should women be touching sensitive male areas, let alone be allowed to become practicing medical doctors. It's for this reason there is no real word for such profession, except a prostitute. What does the Bible say about prostitutes?

Leviticus 21:9 And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.

Now Sarah, I've met the good Reverend Smythe-Poots, and I'm sure he'd be very cross to know you've learned a big word,"gynaecologist". It's time you stop wasting your time contemplating such filth and start tithing your milk money you've been keeping from Jesus, or else your harlot ways will be met by Hellfire! :bye:



Moonshine Fourfeathers, age 7 writes:

"None of the white kids at school want to play with me at school. I think its because of my red skin, and that makes me sad. Does Jesus really love everyone, even Indians?"


ME: Moonshine, it saddens me that you were seen fit to be born into a lazy, shiftless, alcoholic Injun clan, however this is the Lord's Will of course, and He has reasons for everything. Admitting there's a problem is the first step to turning to God's for His Loving Guidance. You'd be interested to know the Bible makes little mention of your people, except in possibly the most obscure of reference in Genesis 10, in the sons of Japheth, as some vague Asiatic offshoot. For this, I may be of little help. However, to answer your question to why the little white boys and girls on the playground won't associate with the likes of you, could by my inference be due to the musky aroma of rolled tobacco and distilled corn permeating your rags. Also, I can't help but I feel any relevant Scripture will roll off someone who refers to The Lord as "The Creator". Therefore, my best advice is to remove yourself from that white school entirely and have yourself specially placed somewhere more befitting to your character, or better yet, a nice kitchen to busy yourself in. :)




Scoutman03 04-11-2019 06:53 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
It's an allergic reaction.

Isabella White 04-11-2019 01:52 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DolliMoans (Post 1249352)
https://i.postimg.cc/mZ81Pp30/Screen...3-10-16-AM.png SISTER DOLLI'S Q&A CORNER
Letters to me from real kids wanting to learn facts from Jesus

___________________________________

Tommy Princemetal, age 8, writes :


"Miss Dolli, why is it when I eat peanut butter it makes my throat feel all swollen and dry like I'm choking and sticks to the top of my mouth?"

ME: Hello Tommy - it concerns me that you feel fit to simply eat peanut butter from the jar, rather than between two pieces of bread like a normal person. Nonetheless, I commend you on your choice of condiment, peanut butter is a wholesome ingredient to consume, and is a sign that God is commanding you to follow His Path. Peanut butter is not directly inferred to in Scripture, however peanuts are legumes born from seed, which God granted man to consume as meat of sustenance.

Genesis 1:29: And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

Isaiah 7:15: Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.

It's also a bonafide fact that atheists curl in terror by the undeniable proof in the peanut butter illuminating the truth of God! For the Godless, the Truth is always hard to swallow!




The other explanation is your one of those allergic types, and therefore an abomination before God.


Sarah Smythe-Poots, age 6, writes:

"Hi Miss Dolli, Im sorry ifs this rude of me to ask, ifs men doctors who examine girls hoochies is called ginacollageests, what are girl doctors who check little boy choo-choos called?"

ME: Short answer Sarah, perverts. Under no circumstance should women be touching sensitive male areas, let alone be allowed to become practicing medical doctors. It's for this reason there is no real word for such profession, except a prostitute. What does the Bible say about prostitutes?

Leviticus 21:9 And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.

Now Sarah, I've met the good Reverend Smythe-Poots, and I'm sure he'd be very cross to know you've learned a big word,"gynaecologist". It's time you stop wasting your time contemplating such filth and start tithing your milk money you've been keeping from Jesus, or else your harlot ways will be met by Hellfire! :bye:



Moonshine Fourfeathers, age 7 writes:

"None of the white kids at school want to play with me at school. I think its because of my red skin, and that makes me sad. Does Jesus really love everyone, even Indians?"


ME: Moonshine, it saddens me that you were seen fit to be born into a lazy, shiftless, alcoholic Injun clan, however this is the Lord's Will of course, and He has reasons for everything. Admitting there's a problem is the first step to turning to God's for His Loving Guidance. You'd be interested to know the Bible makes little mention of your people, except in possibly the most obscure of reference in Genesis 10, in the sons of Japheth, as some vague Asiatic offshoot. For this, I may be of little help. However, to answer your question to why the little white boys and girls on the playground won't associate with the likes of you, could by my inference be due to the musky aroma of rolled tobacco and distilled corn permeating your rags. Also, I can't help but I feel any relevant Scripture will roll off someone who refers to The Lord as "The Creator". Therefore, my best advice is to remove yourself from that white school entirely and have yourself specially placed somewhere more befitting to your character, or better yet, a nice kitchen to busy yourself in. :)




Hello, Dolli! Excellent advice, dear Sister! I couldn't agree more; your answers are "spot on". I might add, though, that for the dear Moonshine youngster who asked why nobody likes him/her/it, he/she/it might like to consider another startling bit of truth: who on Earth wants to get scalped? A blessed day to you, dear Dolli. Sincerely, Isabella W.

DolliMoans 04-12-2019 12:35 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Scoutman03 (Post 1249369)
It's an allergic reaction.



Foolish boy, I said that already. :angry:



Quote:

Originally Posted by Isabella White (Post 1249375)
Hello, Dolli! Excellent advice, dear Sister! I couldn't agree more; your answers are "spot on". I might add, though, that for the dear Moonshine youngster who asked why nobody likes him/her/it, he/she/it might like to consider another startling bit of truth: who on Earth wants to get scalped? A blessed day to you, dear Dolli. Sincerely, Isabella W.




Excellent addition Sister White, though I believe little Miss Moonshine's gone back to her teepee.

DolliMoans 04-13-2019 01:35 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
I've wrote back a second time in prospect of adopting Moonshine as my naukar, my maid of all work, and saving her from a lifetime of backwards Indianhood. I am issuing a petty down payment for her chieftain and take up servitude effective immediately. As the number of girls in my home has been dwindling, the need has arose for outsourcing for more effective labor. Moonshine will renounce her heathen name and sinful ways, in exchange for a Christian upbringing as Jesus sees fit.

BrotherLarry 04-14-2019 07:17 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Sister Dolli,


The service you are doing for children will earn you a special crown come the Glory. Praise God!


I took the time to gather some questions from NY City children in Central Park and was wondering if you'd have time to tackle some of them:


Little 8 yr old AD of Yonkers asks: Why do so many black kids get free lunches at school? My mama has to pay for ours.


10 yr old SK of NY City asks: If Jesus was born in the Middle East, why do pictures show him as blonde and blue eyed? (SK is from Egypt originally)


10 yr old MM of New Jersey asks: When my mom put a portrait of Christ in our dining room my dad took it down and threw it in the garage. Why does my dad hate Jesus? He locked my mom in the garage too.


7 yr old DS of Brooklyn asks: I prayed that my daddy would go to heaven when he died and he died the next week. Did I kill him?

DolliMoans 04-17-2019 03:50 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Ooh, yes, thank you Brother Larry. Okay, now I have the floor, let me talk some Christian mom sense into these Joo York brats.


Little 8 yr old AD of Yonkers asks: Why do so many black kids get free lunches at school? My mama has to pay for ours.
https://i.postimg.cc/CLfrz3wF/Screen...3-10-16-AM.pngHello AD, thank you for writing me. Yes, you are witnessing some civil unfairness in the lunchroom (Sound familiar, darkies?), as a result of a growing liberal trend recognized as "white guilt" and "acknowledging one's own privilege". As a result, limp-willed white folks are bending over backwards to kiss black bum-bum, and cut them all the breaks that no one, and I mean no one when I was growing up, had, whether you were black, white, brown, purple or neon chartreuse. As a risk, we as an American culture are at dangerous risk of being completely overtaken by a nigra feudal society, with black folks at the top, doing absolutely nothing but sitting in thrones of chrome and bling, eating watermelon and enjoying their nubile white concubines; daughters stolen from once well-to-do Christian families. We've been warned in the Bible about these ebony rulers (Isaiah 37:9)
The so-called liberal intellectual elite sit at the bottom, servicing their black masters however fit, a fate brought forth by their own sense of social justice. I realize this must all seem pretty dense for an 8 year old, but you need to know the facts and see what's happening around you with open, Christian awareness. Hopes this helps, and you will know how to respond appropriate to your fellow black pupils stealing free meals.

10 yr old SK of NY City asks: If Jesus was born in the Middle East, why do pictures show him as blonde and blue eyed? (SK is from Egypt originally)
https://i.postimg.cc/CLfrz3wF/Screen...3-10-16-AM.png My dear little sphinx, you are full of questions! If you have any conception of Jesus being anything other than blue-eyed and blonde, you've been lied to. You only need to look no further than an accurate physical description in Revelation 1:14:

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/10 y...pt originally)
His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;



Look close! When you observe a burning flame, what color is at the root? Blue! Of course! And hair as white as wool? It's commonly known that some colors in the days of old were blanket shades encompassing a vast variety of shades often only visible to the female eye (much to male chargin). White, often stood in for argent and platinum, such in the latter case is the purest form of blonde hair (a bit like mine!). Point in case, if Jesus were walking among us today, he'd bear a striking resemblance to our handsome platinum-haired, blue-eyed Vice President, Mike Pence!

https://media.swncdn.com/cms/RT/6657...e.1200w.tn.jpg

More on the others questions, to come!

Mary Etheldreda 04-17-2019 04:02 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Scoutman03 (Post 1249369)
It's an allergic reaction.

Nonsense. Allergies aren't real. You won't find them in the Bible. They are an invention of the Almond Cartell who, in league with the Gay Agenda, seeks to make America's youth turn to veganism and be too weak to fight back against the encroaching Japanese and their takeover of the world with AI.


Learn your history, dear.

DolliMoans 04-17-2019 05:49 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
10 yr old MM of New Jersey asks: When my mom put a portrait of Christ in our dining room my dad took it down and threw it in the garage. Why does my dad hate Jesus? He locked my mom in the garage too.
https://i.postimg.cc/CLfrz3wF/Screen...3-10-16-AM.png I'm bemused by the description of your daddy's sissy fit, dear, though I must infer it's difficult to gauge the situation fully without the entire facts. Are you holding back from me? Don't. Tell Dolli all, hun. You must remember, your father is the head, the commander of the household as ordained by God (1 Corinthians 11:3). He could have very practical reasons for rejecting the so-called image of Christ rummaged by your mother. Did your mother pick out a black Jesus by mistake? Was it restored by a Mexican villager without aesthetic bone in her body? I know for fact, I can barely do anything without the guiding wisdom of menfolk. If Mr. Moans were still here, I know he'd be mighty irrate if I attempted any interior decorating without his tasteful go-ahead. Anyway, as you're still young, I can assume you might be grossly misinterpreting the situation and you needn't worry about your mother. She's learning a valuable lesson.


7 yr old DS of Brooklyn asks: I prayed that my daddy would go to heaven when he died and he died the next week. Did I kill him?

https://i.postimg.cc/CLfrz3wF/Screen...3-10-16-AM.png If you did, remember, it's okay if God told you to do it. (Mark 13:12)

Dana723 04-17-2019 10:27 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
I'll have my five boys sit down and write out questions for you, Dear Sister Dolli.

DolliMoans 04-18-2019 02:02 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
I can't wait, Dana! :lol:

Joanna Lytton-Vasey 04-18-2019 10:36 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda (Post 1249727)
Nonsense. Allergies aren't real. You won't find them in the Bible. They are an invention of the Almond Cartell who, in league with the Gay Agenda ...

not to mention those whiny California walnut growers, always complaining about not having enough water. Well duh! That's because they poured it all into the ground.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda (Post 1249727)
... seeks to make America's youth turn to veganism and be too weak to fight back against the encroaching Japanese and their takeover of the world with AI.


Hang on! The Japanese are artificially inseminating decent American women now? :fear2:

Dennis Lukes 04-19-2019 08:27 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Hello, Dolly! My boy Kenny has a question, and since I know you're someone who's seen their fair share of sin before finding Christ, you might know the answer. Any idea why Catlicks cross themselves all the time? Especially after someone dies, do they think God is waiting with the deceased and will say "Oh, whoops, that guy didn't cross himself when he heard you died, I guess your soul isn't saved after all. Enjoy Hell." There's certainly no such foolishness in the Bible.

https://media2.giphy.com/media/xUNd9...6Sgo/giphy.gif

DolliMoans 04-21-2019 11:31 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Hello Mr. Lukes, I'd like to help out little Kenny. It's important for him to know that "crossing oneself" is not a normal habit. It's an involuntary gesture of the Devil masqueraded as cerebral palsy. Kenny needs to know Catholics are particularly crude in their hand gestures, and to avoid detection in their lurid pursuit of young alter boy flesh, will make "symbols" from one priest to another as secret code.

This one below, one of my neighbors explained indicates how to detect a prey target's "tightness" indicative of their age.


https://bonniemcclellan.files.wordpr...ion2.jpg?w=474


This one below is so disgusting, I cannot describe, as a Christian lady.


https://i0.wp.com/www.heraldicclipar...enediction.GIF




Therefore, it would come as no surprise, the Catholic crossing could be yet another sneaky enigma, performed after a deviant act, as though they're trying to say, you can't touch me, I'm protected by Jesus and the Pope.


I would suggest little Kenny not think to hard on these things, only that he should immediately avoid contact with anyone making the "crossing" gesture.

Isabella White 04-21-2019 04:48 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DolliMoans (Post 1249960)
Hello Mr. Lukes, I'd like to help out little Kenny. It's important for him to know that "crossing oneself" is not a normal habit. It's an involuntary gesture of the Devil masqueraded as cerebral palsy. Kenny needs to know Catholics are particularly crude in their hand gestures, and to avoid detection in their lurid pursuit of young alter boy flesh, will make "symbols" from one priest to another as secret code.

This one below, one of my neighbors explained indicates how to detect a prey target's "tightness" indicative of their age.


https://bonniemcclellan.files.wordpr...ion2.jpg?w=474


This one below is so disgusting, I cannot describe, as a Christian lady.


https://i0.wp.com/www.heraldicclipar...enediction.GIF

Therefore, it would come as no surprise, the Catholic crossing could be yet another sneaky enigma, performed after a deviant act, as though they're trying to say, you can't touch me, I'm protected by Jesus and the Pope.

I would suggest little Kenny not think to hard on these things, only that he should immediately avoid contact with anyone making the "crossing" gesture.

Quite right, Sister Dolli, quite right indeed. And with that, I might also add that doing that Cathyolick crossing with the hands only leads to PREYING hands when the demon-possessed priests go after the young boys in the choir! That's how it all starts, you see. They'll teach them to do that crossing stuff, and then they find ways to get them to use their hands in "other areas", which we won't even discuss here, let alone think about, except to say that it's all terribly disgusting. Is it any wonder the Vatican is doing its best to cover up all of this Godless activity? And it's all because they don't want people figuring out how it all starts! A blessed Easter to you, Dear Dolli. Sincerely, Isabella W.

DolliMoans 05-15-2019 06:20 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Layla Kuntzqueefer, age 13 - "Hello Dolli, I don't get it. I've been watching Arthur for years, and now his principal looks like he's a butt sniffing homer. I am so confused!

https://cdn.theatlantic.com/assets/m...mod=1557860168

https://i.postimg.cc/CLfrz3wF/Screen...3-10-16-AM.png"Rest assured Layla, I would never, under any circumstance, allow any of my kids to watch a fag liberal program like Arthur. If I caught one of mine sneaking to watch such smut, they can bet certainty they'd be getting a belt on their rear with the business end of a stapler gun. The fact is, it's a tv programme about animals doing all sort of lewd acts, unfit for any age.
Leviticus 11:29 “And these are unclean to you among the swarming things that swarm on the ground: the mole rat, the mouse, the great lizard of any kind,

Rats are unclean critters whom God ordained mankind's dominion over. (Genesis 1:26)

It's no surprise that this Mr. Rathburn bears a distinct Jewish nose, which can only mean PBS saw fit to bring a Jewish, fag critter as a TV role model. You dear Layla need to forget this Arthur program immediately, go see your father to wash your eyes out with turpentine and pray to Jesus you have not been brainwashed by liberal opinions over what one can do with rats and other men! :bad:

BrotherLarry 05-16-2019 12:53 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Sister
I hope you will have time to respond to this child whose note somehow came to me instead of you. I assumed it was meant for you since it is asking for “urgent” help.

Dear Anyone: I have no daddy. Mommy says he went to heaven. I live near Belvidere in Illanoy. Several of my stibalings are dead from various cozzes like getting shotted or drownding while fishing and one got whisked to Oz when my momma insisted they take out the trash in a big windstorm.

I don’t feel safe in my own home. How can I trust Jesess to not let my mom kill me or more of my stibalings? Please help soon sents it sometimes feels my time is short. Thank you.

DolliMoans 05-16-2019 10:06 AM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Brother Larry, thank you for intercepting this note on my behalf. It sounds like the whiny complaint of one certain Mildrew Moans. "...my time is short." is exactly the angsty millennial whine for help so classic of Mildrew. He should know he's not shocking me, or Jesus. :nono: I'm looking to have him placed in a reformatory to get the queer cleaned out of him before he's lost for good. With no Mr. Moans about, he has no suitable male role model in his life to show him what's what, and to jump for Jesus when our Lord says Praise! He's a lost and confused nerd shut up in his room. He needn't pester me by writing a sad sack note. This is something I need a the senior youth minster to intercede on. I am very concerned about Mildrew.

BrotherLarry 05-16-2019 03:03 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Sister Moans

I had no idea the note was possibly from one of your precious lambs. As a great example of motherhood it shocks me that a rogue son would try to undermine your reputation. It is my prayer that dear Mildrew finds Jesus and doesn’t die from mysterious causes.

DolliMoans 05-16-2019 03:07 PM

Re: Christian Answers: Inquiring Kids Want to Know
 
Brother, did you know I have another son in the incubator? It's a boy! :D The thing is, its been in there for well over a year, so I am thinking of a baby name in the meantime. I was thinking of something ironical like Cock or Cox, as unlike a rooster, this baby's gunna be laaaaaaaate.


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