Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244911)

I don't go to any church yet because I have not been able to find any churches here in Iowa that actually practice the King James Bible (you know, rather than just saying they do)

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244911)

My favorite Bible verse is John 6:35


And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244911)

I came to find Jesus when I saw his face in my toasted english muffin.

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes (Post 1244914)

Try and locate whatever church Steve King goes to.


Kind of generic, to be honest.


Exodus 20:4

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244926)

Steve King is a Papist.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244926)

Although I admire his political work, the fact remains that Papists are not Christians. They do not practice the King James Bible.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244926)

am not worshipping my English muffin - After all, I am not a transubstantiation-believing Papist. But I did find Jesus by seeing the imprint of his face on my toasted English muffin.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244973)

Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244973)

No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1244973)

The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes (Post 1244974)

Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?

Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.



While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris :wub: and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes (Post 1244974)

Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers?

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245036)

1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245036)

Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245036)

I used to be an ignorant heathen

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245036)

My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245036)

My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245036)

This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey (Post 1245037)

:fear2: As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes (Post 1245040)

So can Michael Jackson.
http://i41.tinypic.com/2d97hj4.jpg


It doesn't prove anything. You could've been using this for all we know:
https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/xDEAA...VHf/s-l640.jpg

I'm glad you see the distinction, but you're on a slippery slope that goes directly into HELL!!! Just drop the subject please. Any further mention of the Lord Jesus Christ appearing on toast by you will be taken as an implicit affirmation of Papist beliefs on your part.



Good self-awareness, but definitely a premature use of the past tense.



You need to respect the Bible, son. Next time use a belt, a riding crop, a car antenna, or something along those lines. Not the Good Book. :thumbsup:


Pics or it didn't happen (Exodus 23:1). We need to see this alleged toast to ascertain the facts in this case. As it is, I can see three possibilities:

1. The toast looks like Jesus. Therefore, you married a Godless harlot liberal (possibly even a high yellow negress) who supports black nationalism and endorses the false belief that our lord Jesus was a blubber-lipped coon by lying about the toast. If this is the case, you must do your utmost (including physical correction) to convert her to the straight and narrow path (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). If she divorces you, this is also acceptable (1 Corinthians 7:15). Continuing marriage to her as a heathen is NOT acceptable (2 Corinthians 6:14). Hit her until she makes a choice.
2. The toast looks like Obama (or any spook, they really all do look alike). Therefore, your behavior was unacceptable and wrathful, as I enumerated in a previous post. In this case, your wife correctly said the toast looks like Bongo, whereupon you attacked her for blasphemy where no blasphemy occurred (because Jesus was not mentioned by her), and you are the party in the wrong.
3. The toast looks like toast. You're both idiots.

Whether or not your wife indeed equated The Lord Thy God Jesus Christ Almighty with a jig, for someone to do so is indeed a grave sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus is Aryan in appearance (Revelation 1:14). Thus there is conclusive proof that Jesus is white, and yet no indication whatsoever that he is negro. There is nary a mention of Jesus smoking weed, breakdancing, eating watermelon, rapping, drinking Hennessy, or performing drive-by shootings. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7)! :hell-yeah-jesus:

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245046)

All right - you win. I have not found Jesus yet. I need to keep looking. But where exactly should I look? If toast is not the right place, then why did Jesus say "I am the bread of life"? Also, why did he use bread to symbolize his body at the Last Supper?

Originally Posted by Basilissa (Post 1245051)

Hey Muff, are you familiar with the concept of a "parable?" Jesus really liked them.

Originally Posted by MuffinMan (Post 1245098)

Yeah, but at the Last Supper, didn't Jesus say "this do in remembrance of me"? How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret that? I always thought it meant something like "Keep toasting your English muffins, and I will imprint my face on them, and that is how you will find me."

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey (Post 1245101)

You need to bear in mind that English muffins (which are neither English nor what the English call muffins, fact fans!) had not been invented at the time.